Stupid move made - help appreciated!

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In reply to: If you look at it very superficially, then you are correct. If you look at it realistically, you are not. Do you drink alcohol? Have you ever been in a situation where you have been quite intoxicated and did something thinking that it would be hilarious, while in sobrietry you see it as being rediculously stupid?

But smoking doesn't affect behavoir the way alcohol does. Would the Irish economy be five times as large if no one drank to excess? I can't believe that the people in Limerick and other cities who are starting high tech companies are sitting in the pub drinking ten pints a night. Maybe I've just been reading too much Frank McCourt, but the pub culture seems to have a big downside.> it happens maybe once or twice a week, usually on weekendsMedically, that would be called binge drinking.I agree that it happens, but I don't agree that it's good. It's a destructive behavoir. In the case outlined in this thread, it resulted in an unpleasant situation. Ten pints of beer can also result in disastrous situations. From the effects I've seen on people I know, that kind of drinking is beyond the pale.But when people are drunk, and their inhibitions are lowered, they don't just engage in random behavoir. They are still being driven by their own brains.Being drunk is a convenient, but invalid, excuse for all types of bad behavior.

In reply to: I can't believe that the people in Limerick and other cities who are starting high tech companies are sitting in the pub drinking ten pints a night. No, not ten pints a night. Just maybe one or two for lunch, maybe one for breakfast if they're in the pub at about 10. I'm so tempted to just say that alcohol doesn't effect people as much here, but it is a flawed argument. All I can say is that there is a much less apparent effect. Most people in Ireland start drinnking at about 13 or 14, altho the consumption level varies widely. It is not an accepted thing, it is discouraged greatly, but it still happens. As a result of this we have a large problem with teenage violence and other behaviour issues. When entering the twenties, the behaviour problems drop a few levels. It isn't because people drink less, a lot of people drink more because they have jobs and can afford it. It is a mixture of both increased maturity and what can only be described as an increased tolerance to alcohol. In reply to: Medically, that would be called binge drinking. And that is exactly what we call it.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQHd96-jHdUThis is one of the ads that is being played in both the UK and Ireland.

You should be careful pulling crap like this, because here in the good old US of A (for instance), people get raped with a lot less invitation, and some end up dead. Be careful, you never know who you're messing with!That was a part of my whole point. What she did was in poor judgement and she's lucky that it didn't have any harmful effects. Starfish: even though your boyfriend seems okay with it now, this will be something that will linger in the back of his mind for a long time. He's probably forgiven you, but he hasn't forgotten.

Personally I don’t go out myself every weekend or anything like it Helms, I don’t have the time to donate one day a week to drunken debauchery and the following day to recovering from it, but nobody here would bat an eyelid if I did because as I have said and as Bob has confirmed, an Irish person drinking ten pints at the weekend is in no way unusual. You’d need to get up to about thirty pints a week here before you’d be accused of alcoholism, and you’d be surprised by the amount of people who do drink to that degree. They’re in the minority, thankfully, but they’re a disturbingly sizable minority. I saw a lot of drinking on that scale when I was in college. Nobody is arguing that this is a healthy societal practice; we have among the highest rates of alcohol consumption per head of population in Europe. It’s the second highest behind Poland, or was anyway, the last time I had to do some research on it; but as Bob pointed out, higher alcohol consumption results in higher alcohol tolerance. That is the first time myself and alcohol have ever combined to create a situation like that, but I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who’d get themselves into major trouble, far beyond my the realms of my escapade, if they attempted to drink ten pints. It would, at one point, have been surprising to me that anyone uneducated in the field of psychoanalysis would imagine themselves suited to offering a transatlantic psychological diagnosis of my behaviour, but here we have two people willing to do just that. It doesn’t seem to have occurred to either of them that were they proficient in that field they would also have professionalism enough to realise a considerably more in-depth study of the situation, the person, and all the connecting elements that bind the two would be required before any kind of reliable diagnosis could be reached.Bob said: “What she did, she did for a laugh while under the influence… There was no hidden reason behind it, she was looking for some entertainment and her joke backfired” Thank you Bob, it’s nice to know this situation is as obvious to somebody else as it is to me.“…it really brings the state of the site to an all time low”Well I certainly agree with that Helmsman and I think it’s all the more disheartening and reflects very badly on the site itself when a ‘moderator’, who’s supposed to be an arbitrator and a voice of calm in instances of contention, reacts out of pettiness and spite to create exactly the sort of situation she is positioned to dispel. I think the commentary below speaks for itself:“If you were truly that committed to your relationship, you would have done neither of the two. Instead you did, and it raises some red flags”“…you should not drink due to your current emotional state with what's going on in your relationship”“Sounds like you were sabotaging your relationship”“even though your boyfriend seems okay with it now, this will be something that will linger in the back of his mind for a long time”“It was a stupid decision”“…you have some serious problems”CBW: You are in no way placed to speculate on my boyfriends turn of mind, or what he is likely to remember or forget. The thing that may well stay longest with us as a couple out of all this is the laugh he and I had last night at the content of your stupid and presumptuous posts. Also, since I’m neither a heavenly body nor an ocean dwelling creature, there is no onus on me to behave in a way that is evocative of my username. Maybe in the interests of accuracy you ought to reinvent yourself again – and drop the ‘Classy’.

In reply to:It would, at one point, have been surprising to me that anyone uneducated in the field of psychoanalysis would imagine themselves suited to offering a transatlantic psychological diagnosis of my behaviour, but here we have two people willing to do just that. It doesn’t seem to have occurred to either of them that were they proficient in that field they would also have professionalism enough to realise a considerably more in-depth study of the situation, the person, and all the connecting elements that bind the two would be required before any kind of reliable diagnosis could be reached.Either you've thought more deeply about the situation and choose not to discuss it, or you refuse to think more deeply about it for whatever reason. When you ingest alcohol, which lowers your inhibitions, and take certain actions, there is a reason behind the action. Just saying "it's nothing and that's it!" [paraphrase] is a rationalization.In reply to:CBW: You are in no way placed to speculate on my boyfriends turn of mind, or what he is likely to remember or forget. The thing that may well stay longest with us as a couple out of all this is the laugh he and I had last night at the content of your stupid and presumptuous posts. Also, since I’m neither a heavenly body nor an ocean dwelling creature, there is no onus on me to behave in a way that is evocative of my username. Maybe in the interests of accuracy you ought to reinvent yourself again – and drop the ‘Classy’.Presumptuous? It's quite logical. If you tell your partner you did something that he would reasonably find a threat to his relationship, it's likely to be remembered. Perhaps not in your boyfriend's case, but certainly so in most cases. If you took a survey of men, I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that most would be resentful and/or concerned about the state of their relationship if that happened. Really, it's a very reasonable idea.You could have said you weren't interested in psychological advice (which you're clearly not, since you refuse to talk to a credentialed professional) in a way that was rather rude. No one here is ganging up on you. I would have said exactly the same thing to anyone who posted what you posted even if I never saw the user ID. HelmsmaN has his own issues, and he's looking for opportunities to strike out in a way that makes him seem like an innocent victim, but that's another story altogether. Do you think it would have been possible for you to have said your piece without having engaged in such aggressive personal attacks?

In reply to: If you took a survey of men, I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that most would be resentful and/or concerned about the state of their relationship if that happened. Really, it's a very reasonable idea. But you fail to take into account that the man was a member of the travelling community, and as bad as it sounds, they are not seen in great light here. They are an undesirable community to be involved with and are often treated with the same distaste as illegal immigrants. If you took a survey of Irish men, I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that most would not find the advancements of a traveller to be a threat to their relationship.

The issue is not the advances of the "traveler". The issue was the response to him. How does his standing make the situation better? Don't you think it makes things look even worse? The boyfriend might think, "Not only was she flirting with some guy, but she was flirting with a treveling guy. I wonder what that means."

If your gilfriend stepped out with a traveling guy, would all be OK? (No, I'm not saying that the OP stepped out with anyone. This is a different scenario in response to a different person.)

Not at all! People take travellers as physical threats, not romantic threats. The man being a traveller would only strengthen her point that it was all a joke. Altho I won't make any comments on your psycho-annalysis abilities, your lack of knowledge in Irish culture is significantly altering your view of the situation. Normally an outsider's perspective is always useful, but on the specific topic of the man being a traveller you don't seem to understand the particulars in Irish social structure. The man being a traveller makes a big difference, her boyfriend would probably feel more threatened if Starfish had played the joke on a woman.

I don't know a lot about Irish culture in particular, but I know in general that:o drinking to intoxication causes problems, and generally reduces inhibitions.o every action is motivated by something (unless you're going to argue the finer points of quantum physics, which doesn't apply to this situation).Those principles apply to people everywhere. One can chose not to think about that "motivating something", but it's still there.If it wasn't that big a deal, then this thread would never have started in the first place. Clearly the OP was concerned that it was a big deal.

Honey, take a chill pill. You asked for advice and you got a wide range of opinions. Let it go and move on with your life.

I'm surprised this thread hasn't been locked yet...This is no indication that I am taking sides in this argument, or that I would pick either side. But... In reply to: o every action is motivated by something (unless you're going to argue the finer points of quantum physics, which doesn't apply to this situation) That action could be motivated by a million things, a troubled relationship is just one of them.On an online forum you can only really help people when they want to be helped. You guys may or may not be on the mark, but either way it's not really your place to tell that to someone who clearly doesn't want to hear it.

“If you took a survey of Irish men, I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that most would not find the advancements of a traveller to be a threat to their relationship. People take travellers as physical threats, not romantic threats. …your lack of knowledge in Irish culture is significantly altering your view of the situation …on the specific topic of the man being a traveller you don't seem to understand the particulars in Irish social structure. The man being a traveller makes a big difference…”You’re bang on the money there Bob and I considered making that point myself, but didn’t bother as SteveA & CBW clearly have neither knowledge of Irish culture nor desire to acquire enough in order to take into account its nuances, which are strongly at play here. One believes that a single night of consuming ten pints is an admission ticket to the Rutland Centre and the other recently stated that we live in a “Lilly white society”. As you and I well know, one theory would be put paid to with a quick walk through the city centre at the weekend and the other with as brief a walk up Parnell St or Moore St any day of the week. But, as I said, ignorance of other cultures can’t be combated where there is no personal desire to alleviate it.“That action could be motivated by a million things, a troubled relationship is just one of them”That is exactly right JoeBloggs, but some people like to assuage the emptiness in their own lives by casting aspersions on specific behaviours in the lives of others. I suppose the decent response would be to feel sorry for them. In any case, I've had numerous supportive pms about the way I've been spoken to on here, so I know ridiculous views such as those expressed on this thread are not the general consensus. Some people have an overactive impulsive need to judge I suppose, and some dont, that is the way it is always going to be and why should I expend the energy to try to change it? There are degrees of what is acceptable in that regard though; SteveA is a member here, no different to myself, but I think that CBW has disgraced herself to be honest, carrying on in such an obviously petty and spiteful way, given her capacity as a ‘moderator’. I wonder has it occured to her how somebody new to this site might view this place should this be the first thread they happen across? Common sense tells me nobody new here would consider it somewhere they could post a personal problem without becoming the focus of the high-handed judgement and ridicule of others. Creating such an impression and even flatly stating that a problem posted on here is an invitation to criticism, as she did, is hardly fitting behaviour from a moderator, to my mind.“Honey, take a chill pill. You asked for advice and you got a wide range of opinions. Let it go and move on with your life”& CBW, there was no width in the range of your opinions, as anyone perusing this thread, assuming they are not afflicted with the misfortune of illiteracy, will be able to see for themselves. The view you have expressed of me, in the clearest possible terms, is that I am an out-of-control raging alcoholic whose relationship is in tatters. Your unmistakably articulated view of me is nothing like the person my friends and family know, it doesn’t even fit as a caricature of who I am, which was the point of amusement between my boyfriend and I the other night. But if you insist on assailing me with a volley of insults you can be sure I will respond; there will, however, be differing factors between my insults and yours – because my habit is to base my invective assertions in reality, not fantasy, and to deliver them with a good deal more style.

Since this thread seems to be an excuse for people to argue, and, obviously Starfish has felt she has had to defend herself, which she shouldn't have to feel the need to do, im locking this thread.