Long time no see - back in the world of females
My last post was back in March. Since then I decided to basically take a break from girls altogether. They made me angry and depressed and I couldn't take it anymore.
Well now I'm back and am sorta seeing someone, but as usual I'm having a bit of trouble with a couple of things.
First, a short back history.
I made most of my friends through someone I went to school with. His work colleagues became my friends. One of which is a girl.
She is great, and we had a bit of chemistry to begin with, but nothing ever happened between us, and she eventually got a long-term boyfriend who she's now been with for probably 3 years.
Anyhoo - she's not the one I'm gonna be talking about. It's her sister.
Now I've known the sister for slightly less time, and don't know her quite so well. I'd always "admired her from afar" but as I was never as close to her I guess I never thought of her in that way before.
Recently there was a big social hoo-haa in the group which meant that it split into two, and I got these 2 girls on "my side" as it were. So I ended up seeing them a lot more (they're more like best friends than sisters).
The original one ended up going to uni a while ago, which left me seeing the one who I'm now interested in.
We've been going out socially now 2 or 3 times a week for about a month and I'm really enjoying myself, but I'd like to crank it up a notch.
I arranged for both of us to go to the cinema last night, just the two of us - as I thought it'd help establish what I want, but as my luck would have it, a bunch of her friends were on the row behind, so the privacy I was after was demolished.
So I just want a little advice on a good way to "show my intentions" - and whether it's actually a good idea or not?!
I can never tell if a girl's interested or not, but she seems to enjoy herself when I'm around, and she often invites me out places or to her house, but usually also with her friends too...
Am I in the friend zone or do I have a chance do you reckon?
What's up, man? We've missed you around here. (I'm no1sexpot, by the way. Changed usernames).
Well, what I think you should do is try to meet her for lunch. Explain to her that you want to spend some time with her alone and see how it goes. If she's not willing to spend time with you alone, then I guess you may be just a friend to her.
Hey - I kinda figured out it was you!
Lunch may not be an option really as we work miles away from each other (but don't live that far) - and I have on-site staff-only catering. By the time I'd walked to my car and driven to her place I'd already be late for getting back.
I will work on trying to get some alone time with her. She's itching to come over to mine, but the house is in a state at the moment as my brother is just moving out. Should be fine by the end of the week tho.
Thanks for the advice!
Yeah, having her over would be nice. Try cooking dinner for her. Even if it's just grilled cheese:grin:
Well, as if you couldn't have guessed already - It's all gone wrong.
Myself, her, her sister and her boyfriend all went out to see some local bands play, and one of the band members decided to start chatting the girl I'm interested up. They exchanged numbers and now believe it or not she's gone over to his house to have sex with him.
How come this always happens to me?
o honey hugs
correct me if im wrong but u havnt actually told her yet how u feel,or "shown ur good intentions" is that right?
wait it out. she may b goin over ther to sleep with him but it may just b a one time thing or a fling n u said u guys see each other socially. it may end up being nothing n u can carry on ur plans later.
But the problem is that it may be a short term thing, but for that short time, he's gonna be wherever she invites me, and it's gonna kill me inside. I've been through that so many times before and it'd destroy me to do it again.
I'm starting to think about giving up on females again. Seems the only logical thing to do.
If she's doing that shit she's probably not worth it. You dodged a bullet, man. Be lucky she didn't screw the guy after you started dating.
I'm gonna be honest here. There's plenty of reasons to give up. Every day I want to. But it'll make you a miserable person in the long run. I guess the smallest shred of hope that I'll be happy, if even for a short while, keeps me going.
Did you stake a claim on her? How long have you known her? Did you ask her out? Or was the romantic aspect of your relationship in your mind alone? Were you "just" friends?
No claim was made. Known her for maybe 3 years or so, but only really got to know her the past 3 months. And I have no idea if there was anything there. I am terrible at reading the signs girls give off. I didn't want to make a move so early on though.
You were deep in the friend zone. I don't think it would be reasonable for her to wait three years for you to make a move; I'm sure she didn't think you were interested in her that way". It is indeed time to move on.
I barely knew her for the past 2 and a half years. Only in the past 3 months have I got closer to them, and really only the past month have I even really talked to her. Previous to September I had barely seen/spoken to her. It was literally I just knew her through her sister.
> only the past month have I even really talked to her
A month is more than enough time to wind up in the friend zone.
Giving up women won't solve that problem. Asking a woman with whom you're interested in having a relationship, early on, would be more productive. Otherwise it's like complaining about random bad things that happen to you, like getting caught in the rain.
ye after a month...easily back all the way to space 1(friendly zone)can even happend after 2 weeks...but if she does lyk u alot..everyhting shud b the same..,mybe more :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:
Yup. You're both absolutely right. And that is exactly why I need to eject myself from the game before I do the same thing all over again.
All I've done today is punch my bed, cry, get angry, swear a lot and try to sleep but fail.
I shouldn't have to go through this kinda crap every time I get smacked down by a girl. I'm yet to ever ever meet a girl who has reciprocated my feelings towards her.
I'm yet to meet a girl who has had any feelings for me past "friendship". And even then it's usually because I have my own house and a good car and stuff. Never because I'm a good friend.
I'm out. Conscious decision made.
> I get smacked down by a girl. I'm yet to ever ever meet a girl who has reciprocated my feelings towards her.
What? Did the Queen also smack you down because she never invited you over for tea? Maybe she doesn't know that you like tea.
The way things work in the West, and most parts of the world, is that the guy usually makes the first move. If he never gets off the dime, then he'll probably not get anywhere. Occasionally the woman does make the first move, but almost certainly not if the guy is giving off vibes that he's not interested, whether or not he actually is. Insecurity can make you seem aloof.
You ought to study Websexinfo's postings to see how the battle can be waged more aggressively.
> I shouldn't have to go through this kinda crap
Then why do you choose to do so? Being inscrutable will get you nowhere.
You seem to have done some careful context work on what I said there. Taking me getting smacked down out of context against this situation. That was really referring to the past where I have actually ended up going out with the girl before I get dumped. But again you're right. This is my fault. Sorry I keep forgetting.
In that case. I am so bad at this that I shouldn't allow myself to carry on with it. I am only doing myself harm by allowing myself to get into these situations.
I read his guide, but it seemed to be very sex-oriented, and that's not my "primary objective" if you get what I'm trying to say.
And this isn't to say that I didn't seem interested. I did what I could to invite her to occasions that would just involve me and her. I would also compliment her looks and stuff too. I am bad at this I know, but I don't know any better.
> I read his guide, but it seemed to be very sex-oriented, and that's not my "primary objective" if you get what I'm trying to say.
[The context here is strictly the things you have said in this thread.]
His posts in general have to with getting a relationship started. The sex part is optional, but a woman who finds you sexually attractive (by your behavior) is more likely to want to have a relationship with you. Sometimes just showing interest beyond that of a friend is all it takes. Sometimes that alone is not sufficient. Sometimes the woman is just not interested at all. Sometimes the woman is not heterosexual. There is a spectrum of possibilities.
Websexinfo's techniques look rather like what you'd find in a "how to pick up girls" book, and it sometimes seems kind of crude and manipulative (and sometimes it is), but the fact is that people are mammals, and they respond to the mating ritual as do other mammals.
We'll never know if the woman in question was interested in you, because she apparently never thought you were interested in her, beyond being friends. Are you afraid you would have been slapped down if you pursued her more aggressively, or that you would have risked losing her friendship?
A little from column A and a little from column B to be honest.
General self-confidence issues really.
> General self-confidence issues really.
Self confidence issues can generally be addressed by pushing yourself to deal with uncomfortable situations. Eventually you can decondition the response. If the response is refractory to such treatment, then professional counseling is indicated. Or you can just keep suffering, if that's more appealing to you.
It seems you have some work to do... internally first and naturally externally will follow. I'd like to recommend a book to you. The Tao of Inner Peace.