One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S & M magazine. This was highly upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "This is what I found in your son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him, "So what are we going to do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He
noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story
was putting on his surgical gloves...
"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"
"No," she said.
"Well," spoofed the dentist, "down in Mexico they have this big
building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all
according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips
their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up
dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw
them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over
The old woman just sat there and didn't laugh a bit!
Five minutes later, during the procedure, the dentist had to stop
cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.
The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how
they must make condoms!"