A few years ago, a friend of mine, and fellow martial arts instructor, was threatened, via email, by a former-friend-turned-bully. After he disappeared for a while, this same bully recently emailed me, asking about where I taught classes. Normally, this wouldn't concern me, except for that this is exactly how this bully began threatening my friend.Here's the worst of it all: we're all adults. I'm not far from hitting 30, while my friend and the bully are at least in their mid-thirties. When he first threatened my friend, I figured that the best I could do, just in case, was to make sure I could at least hold my own against him (this guy is known for going into martial arts schools and beating up other instructors.) Unfortunately, my skills didn't make the progress I was hoping they would, and I'm pretty sure I'm not ready to handle a confrontation with this guy.I guess what I'm trying to ask is, if anyone has any advice or word of wisdom, that I can use to handle the situation.
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The Bully is back...
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Is he the sort of person who thinks the world revolves around him?
If possible, I wouldn't answer his emails. Anything you say beyond craven submission will make him more angry, so if possible, say nothing.
If he does make any sort of threat, report it to the police immediately. That will establish the situation for them, and make it easier to take out an Apprehended Violence Order (or local equivalent) if necessary. If it filters back to him, it might be helpful - bullies like having the upper hand - they don't like fighting on more level ground.
I feel for you - it's a scary situation.
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a dark alley and a lead pipe are all the equalisers a small, skinny man and a large burly man needs. flesh is week, metal is strong, and juries are easily fooled. these things could serve you wellseriously, martial arts matters shit when you've been blindsided by someone wielding anything heavy or metal that gives a good swing. and if you're squeamish about making the first move, wait for him to and you can even claim self defenceprobably not the best time for me to dispense advice as im in a current state of pissedoffness due to unforeseen backstabbing circumstances, and ive never exactly been the most pacifist of people, but you dont have to take it so, meh
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Yes, that is BAD advice, considering that he's asking to come to MY class. I'm not looking to set a bad example in a public setting, especially in front of my students.I'd advise not dispensing any tips if you're not in the right frame of mind to do so.
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Ineligible, like you suggested I've actually been ignoring his emails. The tough part is knowing that he's actually gone looking for the people he wants to prove himself to.
You are right in some degree, that he does think the world revolves around him. He feels that those of us who don't have his experiences don't have any reason to teach martial arts. Sure, I've never been in a gang fight, or used martial arts to bully others, but he doesn't see it that way.
I'm actually surprised he would email me, considering that he knows he's been involved with martial arts about twice as long as I have, giving him about 10 years of experience.
If he does threaten me, via email, then I'll definitely file a report with the police- he's already got a record. However, I can't help but feel a little scared, because even if I have ALL the legal aspects covered, I honestly don't know if I could handle him in a fight. Just so you know his state of mind, this guy actually has picked fights with other instructors out in the street.
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meh, your opinion of right and wrong, not mine. my advice would certainly suit me with my own problem, were it not for the fact that im not too worried about the person who pissed me off being able to hurt meach, why am i even bothering
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well maybe you can have you students practice on him just be like.. aright boys and girls we have a human test dummy to punch and kick!!! have fun
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I think your signiture is all the advice you need. Don't go out looking for glory; don't provoke him, don't encourage him, don't do anything. Just do the honorable thing and stay out of it if you can. I mean, one previous poster is right, juries are easily fooled... perhaps this is not what you want to hear, but it's a lot easier for him to be locked up eventually if you don't raise a finger against him instead of provoking a confrontation. In the case that it does turn to violence, if you did vigorously defend yourself, then he might end up being the one claiming self-defense. Personally I think it's a lot more admirable if you can take what he dishes out without losing your temper or whatever and resorting to violence.I don't know, maybe I'm just a coward or a pacifist or whatever; I've never been trained in martial arts officially myself, so I don't know the social climate or the traditions or expectations or whatever; but I don't think that trying to get rid of this guy violently is the answer. Personally I would just sit back and ignore him, and quitely endure whatever he throws at me, because I firmly believe in that old rhyme:Whatever you chant, whatever you brew,Sooner or later comes back to you.In other words, I think you should stay out of it if you can, and just wait for the day he tries to take on someone out of his league ^_^ And besides, I think that not provoking a fight, and trying to find a peaceful way out of it is the best example of all that you can set for your students.
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ArieNmyralythe, I don't know if I was clear, but I'm doing what I can to avoid him. I'm not entertaining any emails, whatsoever, and avoiding all communications or contact with him.I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT HIM. I'm making that clear. However, no matter what I try to do, that won't keep him from trying to find me. I have no problem or issue with him making any negative comments about me, and I do intend to handle this this legally, if it ever came to that. However, I also need to make clear that I'm not the first martial arts instructor he tried having a confrontation with.This guy has gone as far as to go to a martial arts school and openly challenge the instructor- a bit melodramatic, if you ask me. Unfortunately, that never stopped him from instigating fights. Between the time it takes to call the cops and for them to arrive, he's started fights in the timeframe.This has nothing to do with glory or honor. I can avoid him all I want, but I can't say that would keep him from trying to find me.I really hope that clarifies things. I do take into account what example I set for my students as well as the community at large. Pardon my language, but I'm not some teenaged-snot-nosed punk with a chip on my shoulder. I have no stake here, as far as integrity is concerned. I'm talking about protecting myself from being physically beaten- that, I am not going to allow.To add even more clarification, this is a person who has gone to prison for using martial arts to hospitalize someone. Even after having served time, he still chose to instigate a confrontation with my friend, so far as to indirectly threaten my friend to confront him during his classes.
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CaughtMyFancy's - not from Glasgow are you mate? The old pipe and ally is a classic.
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Dude, please stick to the subject. We have private messages for that.
Grendel - Just keep doing exactly what you're doing. You're doing the right thing. If he find you and picks a fight defend yourself. I'm not one for violence either but we've talked before and I'm sure you know my stance on this as I take martial arts too. The last thing either of us wants to do is fight but we will if we are defending ourselves. Like I said, just keep avoiding him. If he shows up defend yourself. And for what it's worth you have a lot of honor, otherwise you wouldn't be handling this situation this way.
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Hey, I can only help you by saying to follow the others advice. Stay Low! Just kidding, I've always wanted to say that, you know, like on tv? what ever. Just dont go looking for him, and you shouldn't do something to get you name smeared all over. Talk to the one friend who was threatned before. Talk to him, and you two will eventually work this out.
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cenfath, newfishonthapond, thanks for the words of encouragement. I guess what's making this somewhat scary is that the threat isn't far from being real.I don't think I'll have to worry about my name being smeared or being associated with anything bad, because I do intend to keep myself and my school out of this guy's range. It's just that if it did come to a physical confrontation, it's intimidating. If all her were to do were kick my butt and leave me in pain- so be it. However, I know wht this guy is capable of, and what sort of chip he can carry on his shoulder- so yeah, my health would be at stake here.newfishonthapond, I actually did consider talking to him by answering his email, but given his past antics, as well as a warning about him from my friend, I chose to just not entertain or open any sort of dialogue with him. If he thinks I'm a coward, that's fine with me, since his opinion doesn't mean it's fact.In all of this though, I just need to know that I'm doing all I can to prepare myself for every eventuallity.
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Just keep doing what you are doing right now, and this will become dust in the wind. Post back when he stopped or ur safe etc.By the way, you , make me feel needed. thanks oh sucks buddy, im tearing up(just kidding, but thanks)
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apologies if my previous advice was somewhat over the top. i wasnt in a particularly zen-like state of mind the day i posted that. still arent, but at least im no longer as pissed off at everyone as before. the turn the other cheek advice is allv ery well and good, but just remember that some people will keep slapping every cheek you turn towards them without stopping. sometimes other people make violence unavoidable, though it is preferably avoided in the first place. and yes, ive now got a court case coming up. lets hope juries really are easily fooled grins