Ok so it is extremely hard for me to reach an orgasm, I have never reached an orgasm with my boyfriend. I have masterbated and I can reach an orgasm by rubbing my clit, however I have not tried other techniques. It takes me 20 minutes or so to reach an orgasm by myself (used to take less, but I don't know what happened). So basically I never finish during fingering, oral, foreplay, sex, etc and after sex my boyfriend will try to finish me but generally it doesnt work and he gets hungry so we stop. I think I am close to finishing sometimes but it just never seems to come. I've tried to tell my boyfriend how to do stuff, but it just doesn't work. I have faked an orgasm a few times, but I recently told him about it, so he knows and we worked that out. (He was putting a lot of pressure on me to finish, he didn't mean it in a bad way, but its what drove me to faking it). So now I just need advice as to how to help. Because nothing works.
Can't reach orgasm
Maybe you are trying to hard for results? I find sometimes if I am trying to go over the edge with myself or with a partner the orgasm kinda backs off? I am really bad with descriptions, so this might be the wierdest orgasm peak description ever,...
Imagine sitting down on some steps and trying to lure a wild squirrel to you. If you make any sudden movents towards it or try changing tactics the squirrel might run away instantly leaving you very frustrated. You must understand it is a gradual thing and with patience and time, but maybe if you can tame one squirrel eventually you can get it to bring its friends too...lol.
Maybe just enjoy what is happenening and dont try for the orgasm and let the pleasure just build and it might happen. Also are you maybe self consious with him as in maybe worried how he will see you or what he thinks? Try with the lights off, try with music (rock, nature sounds, or background music to taste). Also here is a good idea...try having sex, but while you guys are having sex, maybe a little bit of self pleasuring will help? Most guys would be turned on by this, and if he wants you to orgasm he wont have a problem with you doing this anyways. If he is a little wierded out, just tell him its temporary until you can learn to reach climax.
I have that problem. I've always had it and it's frustrating for both of us.. as unhelpful as this post is, I'm just saying that it's not and uncommon thing and I wish I knew how to solve it
Pressure of any kind will kill the sensation real fast. Your mind must be at ease in order for you to focus on the slow buildup of the wave. Anything that distracts that focus will either make you start over or interrupt the whole process so it never happens at all. It's catch 22...the more you worry, the less likely you are to have an orgasm...which leads to more worry, etc. The good news is that once you get over this hurdle it'll be behind you...it's like breaking the dam. Get into a comfortable, no-pressure situation with your boyfriend...explain to him that the pressure he's putting on you is making the situation worse...not helping it.
I had this same problem with my ex, and through talk and understanding she got over this hurdle and things were great from then on...
Well today we had sex and I tried to relax my mind, however it didn't really work. So I tried to pleasure myself, it took a long time, after like an hour or more I finally finished. I think the reason I cant just relax and finish is because I always have something on my mind. Or am worried about some one coming home, or there's always a background noise, or a phone call etc. We are basically always interrupted. So I don't know, hopefully it will get better. Because it's not that I don't enjoy sex, because I do alot. I just can't seem to reach an orgasm.
In reply to:
I think the reason I cant just relax and finish is because I always have something on my mind. Or am worried about some one coming home, or there's always a background noise, or a phone call etc. We are basically always interrupted.
All are killers of good sex. You've got to find a quiet and secluded place, turn the phone off, and concentrate only on each other.
I know there's another post on some people liking or disliking music whilst in bed with each other, but, personally, from a male perspective, it can be good for the whole mood :smile: if there's any particular music you like... then, try putting on a long cd... on repeat all, so it doesn't stop halfway through... that way, you can't hear the background noises, if it's a landline phone, you can ignore it, and, if anyone does come home, chances are they'll just think you're listening to music :smile:
The best advice has already been given, which is to relax :smile: ... harder said than done, I know, and, the best thing is to just not try to relax, cause that makes it worse, if you know what I mean... just enjoy the moment... as far as my gf's have been concerned, I've made it quite clear that I'll put no pressure on them to cum... they can do whatever they want with me, and, just enjoy the moment... if they cum :wink: so much the better... if not, there's always next time... I've found this to be a great relaxer... maybe your bf needs to make it clear with you that he enjoys your company and values YOU above the sexual feelings involved :smile:
Anyway, have fun :wink: ... remember: it's not the destination, it's the route you take :wink:
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