Hi, Its been ages since ive been on this website, I had an old account but couldnt remember the password.Anyway sorry, Two years ago my father passed away.. And there are days where i cant cope and i break down. I dont know why this happens as its been so long since whats happened. Ive never really opened up to anyone about it not even family as they know i wont talk about it, its just who i am. I lke to bottle my feelings. How ever on this site i dont have to be me. I can be anonymus. I just want answers from my dad that i know i will never get. I just wish i wouldnt breakdown anymore, some times i blame him for things that arnt his fault, I blame him for leaving me and not saying goodbye. Stress of uni/girl problems(which i posted in teen life) family issues and that are just building up on me too much and i take it out on people. One night it got so bad i wanted to drive my car into a street side pole. I just dont want to live anymore some time...
Welcome back, kyky!
It's very hard when someone who was important isn't there any more. I think talking about it helps, so talk about it here as much as you want. If you can talk with a uni counsellor you could do that too.
KyKy,I know how you are feeling. My Mom just passed away this past December. She had had a heart attack. Once I got word, 2 hours later I was flying to California to get to her beside. I got there just minutes after they had just given her some kind of a shot into her IV. Some kind of a heavy sedative to keep her from pulling out her IV's and monitors and trying to climb out of bed. I called her name and told her I was here,gave he a kiss and she squeezed my hand. I sat there all night long holding her hand while she slept. I was up all night. Later that morning things got progressive worst and she never regained consciousness. she coded out several times. There was too much damage done to her heart and since she signed a DNR they wouldn't continue helping her, they just made her comfortable and pain free they said.I tried to communicate to her. I know she could hear me as her eye brows would wrinkle and tears streamed down her face. They moved her out of ICU into a hospice facility later that day where I sat with her by her side telling her things about my life, the kids, the house, my friends, my job and I would pass along well wishes from my friends who would send me text messages and such. As time passed slowly. I kept talking to the point of losing my voice. I asked her questions that knew she could never answer but told her I really wish she would get better so she could answer them and told her to get better because I would be lost without her. I told her how I look to her for guidance when life get hard. I confided to her that she was my rock and I needed her strength to help me in my life. I'm starting to ramble and get emotional. Long story short, she passed away 15 hours later with me at her side holding her last hand. I heard and saw her take her last breath and then the silence......You have to live on. I know its hard. I know you miss him but he is all around you. He is in your thoughts and your guarding angel. Make him proud of the you. Think of all the wonderful things you can tell your kids someday.I'm finding out it never get easier, and I miss her so much even now. For me, I just talk to her in my thoughts which helps a little, must have found writing in my journal helps a lot. A friend of mine, who lost both of his parents and his little sister in a horrific auto accident told me to go buy a journal and make a point to write in it every night for 30 minutes. He said to write whatever was in my heart and I was feeling at the very moment.... I have been doing it for 3 month's now and it really helps keep me out of the depression pool and helps me figure out where my head is at...Don't just give up. Your Dad wouldn't do that would he? Be proud of him enjoy all the memories you might have. If you feel guilty or mad because he left you, I suggest to write him a letter, get everything off your chest and wipe the slate clean so you can celebrate his life, not mourn his death. If you need to talk or something, reach out to me or anyone here on this board..-Rick
Hey Thanks Ineligible and Roc, Its good to get some helpfull info and someone who can relate to my issue, And Roc i am sorry to hear that about your Mum, And i will have to take you up on that chat hey Im not much for writing long sentances so yeah. If you could tell me how we can talk that would be sweet.