heyi've been with gavin now for 18 months, he's lovely, but we have a disagreement kind of thing that i dont know what to do.an ex of his wrote a letter to him saying how much she wanted him back and regrets losing him and wishes they were together and all that sort of thing. she gave him her number and her email, wanting him to get in touch, and he did. this was a few months back now and he keeps hiding all contact with her, deletes all his messages and lies to me about talking to her. a couple of months ago i went a bit mad as i found he was getting pictures from her from her holiday and stuff, he told me that because it upset me so much that he would stop contact, he even gave me her number so i could text her, which i did when i was drunk one night. she then texts him, upset and he makes me out to be the bad guy. its obvious they are getting really close again and i'm worried. ive just come back from visiting my family for 2 weeks over crimbo and when asked, he denied all contact. but then a few minutes later who should call but amy. i was so mad coz he's lied to me, he lied to me then, and all along, telling me he would stop talking and knowing full well that he wouldnt.now i've gone mad, after he's lied to me and has been all alongso what do i do?? him deleting the messages says to me that he has someting to hide. him talking to her when he said he wouldn't and sticking up for her also tells me theres something going on. but then he tells me he loves me, and other people can see that, and he'll do anyting for me.i know what girls are like, if they know there is a chance, they will keep persisting, and why would he want to talk and stay in touch? he's with me, she shouldn't be aroundHow can i trust him when he keeps lying and hiding things from me?What do i do?? am i in the worng?sorry i've ranted on loads, i'm just really confused!i also have a really bad issue with trust, i've had so much shit in the past and he kows this, and yet he still messes me around, and makes me feel really bad. he moans at me for being paranoid and looking at his phone, and then he gets messages from a girl he told me he didnt talk to anymore.i'll stop now hehe.Please help me, i'm a messBecky xx
-
Exgirlfriends
-
Sounds like a headache. Even if there is nothing "going on" with him and this girl, if he had ONE OUNCE of respect for you, he would either stop all contact with her, or at MINIMUM, stop hiding his contact.
He needs a kick to the curb till he can respect your feelings a bit better...or a kick in the "male brain"! (sorry to all you good guys, but you know, thinking DOES happen too often from the groin!)
-
If you feel you can't trust him you can't trust him. However, it isn't right to tell someone not to associate with someone. Consider if it was a friend of yours, whom you were close to that he was worried about, would it be fair for him to ask you to stop associating with that friend, I think not. However the fact that he is attempting to hide the fact he is in contact with the woman is rather shady. There are multiple reasons he could be doing this way, he could be unfaithful or want her back, or it could be a reaction to the way you are acting towards the fact he is in contact with her. try talking, and I don't mean yelling (from either side) I mean logical discussion.
-
A tricky one, but I don't think it's something you should be worried about - at least for the reasons you think.I would guess that he is hiding that he's talking to her because it makes you jealous, and he thinks that if you don't know, then you'll be happier. He probably doesn't want to lose you, but is afraid that you'll take things the wrong way and leave him because you think he wants her back.However, this is not the way he should be going about it. He needs to be honest to you (and her) about his intentions. it's quite possible he could even be stringing her along because he likes the attention (something I'm sure everyone can be guilty of at some point) whilst not actually meaning for anything to happen.To be honest with you, if I were him I really wouldn't even want to speak to her! But I guess he's different in that way. If he wants to carry on speaking to her, you both need to agree on an acceptable boundary on the level of contact he has, and he definately should not object to your curiosity about it if he has any sort of respect for you.I suggest that you ask him for a serious talk about it to see if you can come to some sort of compromise.If he gets defensive, then maybe there could be cause for concern, but if he has any decency about him then he should be quite reasonable.Hope that helps
-
thanks guys, really appreciate it xx
-
I am with Pepsi on this. It sounds like he is cheating. More importantly, it sounds like he likes you and wants to keep things going with you, just in case things do not work out with his ex. Basically, your second best on the list. Screw that! Get rid of him.
-
thats what i was dreading
-
Aww, I am sorry I sound harsh. I have been going through something similar and I feel like I have wasted 5years of my life. I have heard every excuse you can possbly think of, and in the end all the warning flags were right. I would just hate for that to happen to you or anyone else for that matter.big hugs
-
bloody men!! hehe, it sucks big time
-
It's a sad thing, but it's not a gender issue. Women do it as much as men do, but usually more cleverly.
-
I think its important to note that Cheating, doesnt need to be jsut considered physical sexual contact.he is relying on her for something that he doesnt get from the current one or not enough of it anyways.a closeness to someone that had been a relationship of bf gf in the past, and seeking the olds approval and needing to be with her Id consider it all cheating.He may just be keeping the x incase shit doesnt work out with the current.either way I wouldnt put up with the shit.so its :Beautiful girl lovely dressHigh school smiles oh yesBeautiful girl lovely dressWhere she is now I can only guessCause its gone daddy goneYour love is goneGone daddy goneThe love is gone awayand imean that in the Original Gordon Gano and the Violent Femmes way, not the new Gnarls Barkley way.
-
yes, women are equally as bad, but i haven't had that problem yet
-
and he just shouldnt talk to her, i've always told him that, but he can't seem to understand why
-
I've had similar prob with my man, and I found it really hard. He still talks to his ex every few weeks or so, and they are friends. I can't say I'm happy about it, but as has been said before, it's not fair to ask someone to not talk to their friends really. So I let it happen and try to ignore it best as possible. . . Now I don't think he'd cheat on me or do anything with her, but it still makes me paranoid and I really wish they didn't talk any more, but I still talk to a couple of my ex's and I know that I'd never go back or do anything, so I can kinda see it from his point of view as well. Maybe he isn't cheating on you, but doing typical man thing of "what they don't know can't hurt them", which, in fact, is a load of crap. When you eventually do find something out like this it makes it look 10 times worse than it actually is. . . I would definately not be happy that he is talking to her after shes basically put herself forward saying that she'd like to get back with him. . .Try talking to him about all this, tell him how much it hurts you and tell him you would rather he went off with her if thats what he wants, rather than stringing you along. Honesty is always the best way to go!!
-
hey, thanks amz. i've tried the talking it through thing and asking him to stop, and thats when he told me that he would stop and started to hide it all from me. he gave me his word that he wouldnt talk to her but he's lied ever since
-
If he'd lie about that, he'd lie about anything, and is not to be trusted. How can you build a relationship on that foundation?Don't be a victim. Dump the bastard.
-
think i have to, its not a relationship without trust
-
Gotta hand it to you, you seem to be doing pretty well about the whole sitation! I tip my invisible hat to you!
-
hehe i'm a mess really, but i've had enough of the lies, and he can make me feel very inadequate and stresses me out, so its probably for the best?? i don't know, things are pretty screwed up, all is very confusing.
-
Yeah, I think it would be ok to be friends with an ex, but knowing that the ex has feelings for your boyfriend/girlfriend would drive me crazy. And I would expect the guy/girl to end the friendship.