The perfect mate

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I'm not picky on height, I actually like short guys. I don't think I'm asking for anything crucial, someone clean, honest, understanding, respecting, and throw some talent in. I just need the basics. Maybe you should see a profile I have on a dating site and see if I'm being too picky.I don't think people should settle, espcially if they're not genuinely happy.The main thing about dates that make me nervous are the "rules" and the fact that when I'm nervous I don't talk. I'd make a horrible date for most guys.

It's strange that you know what I want. What you want and what i want are two different things. Just because a man does any of the things I mentioned, doesn't mean he's without a backbone or that he isn't tough.Can't anything I say have any merit? I'll be spending years in college and people still won't take me sriously. I don't know if it's because I'm a woman and I'm young or both. Why can't this be what I want?

The height thing was just a "for instance", an easy target.I'm not sure why you're so obsessed with the "rules" of dating (the authors of that book should be sent to a gulag); they're more of an issue for guys (when to call for a date, when to call back, etc.). If you have reasonable manners, you're all set. I'm not sure if you have the idea that other women have some great knowledge that you don't, but they don't.You get good at something, and at ease with it, by doing it a lot. Not every date will be a lot of fun, but each one will be a learning experience. If you want to have a relationship, you'll probably have to go on at least a few dates.Just be yourself and see how it goes. Don't worry about the B.S. "rules".

I never read that book, but I guess you might say I'm obsessed with the "rules" because I hate looking awkward, stupid, or embarassed in front of other people. It's something I've never gotten used to.

Is there really any reason to thing that you're inferior to anyone else in that regard? Everyone is concerned about making a good impression. And things will not always go well, every minute of every date. But the more you do it, the easier it gets. You have to confront the things that scare you. You can't let fear rule you.For better or worse, in our culture, it's still more incumbent on the man to impress the woman than the converse.

Fear has ruled me my entire life, now I don't have any skills to be free of it. What am I supposed to do? Everyone says it's so easy, but I can't get myself to do it. No one asks me out and I can't ask anyone out. It may seem simple, but for me it's not that easy.You don't understand.

First let me say, dating has no rules but, rather, varying degrees of experience. So put the rule shit out of your head. If you know how to be polite, courteous and considerate of other people that's pretty much all you need to worry about in the beginning.As far as fear is concerned, even if you choose to be a prisoner to your fears there's going to come a time when you have to meet them head on, like it or not. So, you might just as well push on through them now and find that while it may not be pleasant, meeting those fears it's not the end of times you may have it built up to in your mind.I don't know that there are any skills to be free of fear. Freeing yourself of it is more a matter of just pushing through it. I think it has more to with desire and determination than any kind of skill or method of dealing with it. That is to say, if you have a fear of public speaking and it uncomfortable to you it will more than likely always be that way. The difference is after you push through and do it couple of times, while it may still be uncomfortable, you know you can do it and the anxiety it may cause you, you know you can deal with. It's the same with dating, you reach a point that if you want someone your just going to have to push through the fear and then after you've done it a couple of times you'll know you can handle it, uncomfortable though it may be.Something to remember about dating is the worst that can happen is you ask someone out and they say "no" and you feel like shit for a day or so. It's not the end of the world. There will be plenty of other people to tickle your fancy. The thing to remember is that one of the benefits to living in an overcrowded world is that there are about another 3 billion men where he came from. To quote John Candy "If you want make a sale. You gotta make some calls."Lastly it doesn't "seem simple", it is simple but just because something is simple doesn't mean that it's easy. And, just because something is difficult doesn't mean you should shrink form the challenge. For it is through challenge that the greatest reward lies and that reward is often the knowledge that you have met the challenge and did not acquiesce to it.

Well I don't know what to do. I can never get up the nerve to try. I'm so afraid of rejection and embarassment that it's painful. I feel stuck. Maybe one day I won't have a choice and I'll be force to do stuff. I hate for it to come to that.

On the contrary, I think I do understand. It may sound easy when trite slogans are repeated ("Just go out and do it!"), but it's not easy to make it happen.Internet dating works for some people, and not for others. Personally, I think it's better to do activities that will put you into contact with members of the whichever sex you're interested in, who are close to your age. It could be clubs, charity work, whatever. You don't need to start a relationship with the idea that you'll be going out any moment now.If you just cannot communicate with other people, then you have a social phobia, and you need counseling to help you deal with it. Phobias are very treatable, but it's often hard to get past them on your own.> Maybe one day I won't have a choice and I'll be force to do stuff.There's nothing to be gained by procrastinating.

Well then, that's that. Just never loose sight of the fact that your the one who holds the keys to the cell in which you find yourself.Pain, rejection, embarrassment that's part of the stuff of life and something everyone has to go through to some degree. How we deal with those as well as other things is what makes us who we are and often what gives us the character to carry through difficult times in our lives. If you can value yourself for the greatness within you, you may find that the fear of rejection that so petrifies you now, no longer matters. If your good with yourself, while the approval of others may be nice, it's not that big a deal, at least not for me.The fears your mind produces, be they of new situations or opening up and putting yourself on the line, may never go away. However, within you, though it may be buried deep, lies the ability to master your own mind and thereby concur your fears. At least seek your own strength. Look to other strengths where you have stood strong before and use those to help master the fears that you find in yourself now.Try to make determination your motivation rather than fear. Maybe it would be helpful to focus on what or who you want rather than how your gonna get 'em. That is to say, make your goals the driving force behind your action and let your fears be, ignore them as best you can. Easier said than done, right. Sorry but that's the best I've got.

Well thank you, I guess, for understanding. I am very aware of my social anxiety. Right now I can't even get up the nerve to talk to counselors that are here on campus, for free. Maybe things wil get better or I'll gain some guts. I don't even know anymore.

Right now I can't even get up the nerve to talk to counselors that are here on campus, for free.Are you depressed?

Not at the moment, just scared. I'd hate to see someone I know there or spill my deepest secrets and irrational fears to a stranger. I guess that would be more like embarassment.

Sure be nice to date a woman who is feminine for once. That wont happen; damn feminists.

Drummer girls are pretty hot too.

Gamer girls are ugly.

The people on this site are strangers.It sounds like you have a disabling phobia. I don't know how you can bootstrap the process of getting help, other than somehow dragging yourself to a counselor. The world is a big place with a lot of people, and a lot of those people suffer from serious phobias. You're not that unique. I guarantee you that no one will laugh at you.

What do you consider to be feminine?

Women from the '20's. That was the good stuff.Now you got women who despretly want to be guys. That's gross.

He'd like a woman who's like a puppy -- dependent. One who needs to get married and is stuck once she is, because she can't have a career and support herself. Or a flapper from the 1920's.
I wonder if voting would be considered masculine.

Could you please change your font to a darker color? I can't read that at all.

and now we have guys who try desperately try to look like girls.