Anyone who reads all of this: I love you.I guess the first thing that's bugging me is my mom. She seems to be mentally declining (she's 60). I don't know what's going on (maybe it's Alzheimer's) or how to explain, so I'll give a couple of examples. At Thanksgiving, she asked where my dad was, when he was standing right next to her. Earlier tonight, she turned the car off and took her foot off of the brake, forgetting to put the car in park. It's things like this, some simple and common, and others that are more serious. Also, she seems to get angry easier and before she started to get forgetful, she would have mood swings and be happy one minute, and crying the next. She is also not as aware of other people's emotions and thoughts. She will say things and show her feelings toward others without really caring or noticing about how it made them feel, and she won't notice for hours later when she will start to feel bad about it. Sometimes she doesn't notice at all. It's often embarassing to be out in public with her. She says she's going to try to get a doctor's appointment to see what's going on, but who knows if she'll actually do it. I'm not really sure if even want to know the diagnosis. Now that I think about it, she is sort of like Meridith Grey's mom on Grey's Anatomy, just with a less severe case of Alzheimer's. Another thing that's going on with her is that my grandfather (her dad) is getting on in years (87) and he is extremely absent-minded, which I know is tearing her apart inside. Does anyone know what's going on with her?Next thing is my brother. The company he is working for is downsizing, and they've cut his pay in half. Soon he is going to be fired altogether. This past week, he was "fired" but his employers took that back and he still has his job. He had a job interview this past week, which was why they temporarily "fired" him. He is getting married in March and he is paying for the honeymoon to Hawaii. His fiance will be an intern for a while, if she gets a job, so he has to be their source of income.In February my dad plans on retiring. Many years ago, he was fired and we had to live off of his an my mom's retirement. My mom plans on retiring in May of '08, at which point I go off to college and my parents want to retire to Arkansas. I know my parents plan on selling our lake house, so that's how they're going to buy a house up there, but other than that, they won't really have enough money to live off of for the rest of their lives. They are also going to have to pay for my dorm room and living expenses while I'm off at college. I'll probably get loans for tuition, but everything will be up to them. I don't think they can handle it, seeing as they're already in way too much debt and my dad just keeps handing me cash for food or whatever. It'll take me at least 10 years after college before I could even start helping them out financially, and that's way too long.I hate band. My mom keeps ragging on me for giving it up when I go to college. I suck and the band director always yells at me. I practice for hours on end on the parts, but I still screw up because I'm so incredibly stupid. After getting yelled at in front of the whole band, I feel like I can't even talk to or go near my friends, who just watched me get yelled at. Being in the top band with all the stuck up pricks who already hate me for no reason doesn't help, either. That always sets off my depression. Band seems to be the greatest cause of all of my depression.The last thing is my mood. Lately, I constantly feel depressed and pissed off all at the same time. I feel like crap and I just don't want to deal with anything anymore. The only thing that gives me any hope is going off to college in a year and a half, which is too far away. I just want to go and try to start a new life. Thanks for reading, if you did. I don't know what I'm really looking for, since I already know what the replies will be. I just want an easy way out, which has never existed for any situation I've been in.
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This Sucks
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Alzheimer's Disease progresses at different speeds in different people, but there's no "mild" form of it. Having said that, there are other conditions that can cause symptoms of dementia that are far more likely than Alzheimer's. One is depression. Another is that it could be a side effect of a drug she's taking. Even high blood pressure medicine can cause symptoms like that in some people. Your mom definitely needs to discuss it with her doctor. Same for her father, unless he's already been officially diagnosed.Why don't you think you can get loans to cover living costs as well as tuition for college? When I went, I got loans, grants, and scholarship money, to cover almost all of tuition, room, and board. Books, snacks, and drugs were an expensive extra, though.As far as your parents' retirement is concerned, are you aware that they will collect social security when they retire? (I think the age for Social Security and Medicare are now 65, but don't quote me.) I don't know how much your parents paid into the system, but they might collect over $2000 a month in Social Security benefits. I assume they have or they will go through the numbers sometime soon.I'm not sure that your brother needs you to worry about him, but can't he get another job? Or have one lined up for when he gets back from his honeymoon?Finally, quit band. I don't see why you need to torture yourself. You can spend the extra time studying, so you'll get good grades, so you'll have a better shot at a scholarship.Have you seen or talked to any kind of counselor about your depression, etc.?
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My grandfather hasn't been diagnosed with any mental disease; he's just old. For college, I was planning on getting loans and as for food, I was going to mooch money from my parents. Even on 2,000 dollars a month, it still doesn't seem possible for them to survive, especially while I'm in college. Besides, they won't start to fully collect on Social Security until a couple of years after they've retired and a couple of years after I've been in college. And what if SS payments decrease? I'd better start bringing in the big bucks quickly. As for my brother, trying to support he and his wife with a small amount of income would be difficult. It's almost like them trying to survive on minimum wage, unless he can get a good job. Band... I think I'm going to stay with it. All of my friends are there and I learn a lot about life and the world. I learn and increase my self-discipline and other stuff. It's like the military, minus the basic training, war, and all that other stuff. I haven't talked to any counselors or anything, but I have thought about going to my school counselor. If things get worse and I get to a breaking point, I'll go. Thanks for helping.
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If an elderly person shows signs of dementia, the cause is not that he's "just old", and it often is caused by a reason that can be addressed, such as prescription medication or depression. Of course it can be a degenerative illness, but a doctor should figure out what's going on.I just made a wild guess as to what your parents' Social Security benefits might be...my guess was somewhere around average or below. Once the benefits start, there is no realistic chance that they will be cut -- it would be a political impossibility. They should each be getting a paper from the Social Security Administration that estimates what they will get when they retire.Do you know where you're going to go to school? Unless it's close to where your parents live, it's going to be hard to mooch food. Whatever schools are near them might not give you the best financial aid package anyway. Aside from that, it sounds like you would benefit from being away from home.The financial aid package should include money for tuition, room, and board. If you don't spend the money on food, you can spend it on books and other necessities.You sound like you need to talk to someone, or you wouldn't have written the long essay above. I highly recommend talking to someone like a school counselor, or someone similar. What is the point of waiting until you're going nuts? Also, a counselor will be able to give you good information on the college application process, and some ideas on financial aid. There are lots of scholarships available that have nothing to do with grades or test scores.
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First off, If your mom or your grandpa are suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's they needs to get to the doctor. There are medicines that can be prescribed to lesson the symptoms of each... for a while. I have no idea what they are or really anything about them but I do know they exist. I will say, when granny took them I noticed little difference. However, she was dead set on dieing by the time she started taking them so that may have had something to do with their effectiveness or lack there of. As a matter of fact she was hell bent to die before her son did so that probably did have something to do with the effectiveness of any treatments she received.Knowing everyone is different and that there is nothing you can do about it anyway, beyond medical attention there may be things your mom would want to do, experiences she would like to have in life, if she did have Alzheimer's and the earlier the detection the more likely she is to accomplish those things. If for no other that may be the best reason to get diagnosed.Having said all of that, the description your giving of your mom could just as easily, if not more likely, be stress. Stress can be a mean bitch and effect people in ways they never thought possible and can be rooted in things they never would have thought stressful.Think about it, your parents are approaching retirement, it sounds like it might be a bite of a struggle. Your brothers getting married and is going to be struggling. They still have to get you through college and on and on and on. There is an awful lot there for your mom to be stressing about. Not only that, she's looking at some major changes in her life on top of worrying about her kids. Maybe she's worried about having an empty nest after you leave, that can often be very frightening to parents. Maybe it's how she's going to get along with your father in Arkansas. Maybe it's simply after we do all this will we be happy in Arkansas. Her life is at a major crossroads it may just be a more frightening than she it realizing or letting on and that is stressing her to no end and causing the forgetfulness.I don't know, in my admittedly unlearned opinion based on very limited knowledge and a shit load of assumption I would bet her problems are more a manifestation of stress than anything else.As for you, if you think band offers more rewards than stress it causes, fine but from what you describe I would say drop it... but that's me.With regard to college, if I remember correctly, I thought at least some meal plan or stipend was provided as a part of your dorm room. Also, since living in the dorm (in lieu of living at home) is required for many 18 year old freshman, that finical aid and loans for that are available and inclusive of the cost of food. Granted it's been a while and things may have changed but that's what I remember... it seems logical at least, anyway. I don't know first hand because mom and dad just wrote 'em a check. The few loans I took out towards the end of my time at school were stricktly for food and travel. They were through the U.S. dept. of Education.Not knowing where you are I'm sure many of these suggestions won't apply to you but, for what its worth, here are some things you might do to subsidize you food costs and requirements. They worked for me when I was spending all my money on partying....Hunt. Me a my cousin used to knock down plenty of deer so that we were never without meat all year long. It wasn't recreational hunting it was so we had food. One other thing that helped was that there were plenty of guys who wanted to cook out before the game and would buy deer steaks from us so we got extra money off of that. One thing to remember is to do your own butchering or any saving and or profit margin is shot. All you need are a couple of good knives and there are plenty of how to book and videos available on the subject....Garden. You don't need a lot of space. If your close to home put it in your parents back yard. If your not, many colleges now have communal gardens. If your in the big city, often you can find a communal gardens in which you can get so many square feet to grown your shit for a very small fee. Worst case in which none of these options are open to you look into container gardening and grown lights. Remember the smaller the garden often the more productive it is. Also, remember your don't have to eat all the shit you grow you can also sell it or trade it. Check with the university and/or the county extension office to see if they have any ideas or can tell you of any programs....Work at a place that has fringe "food" benefits. This one I didn't care for but... get a part time a job at a restaurant or drive thru where you can eat at a reduced rate or more importantly sneak a few meals. You can eat quite a bit sneaking a fry here and roll there over the course of a day not to mention the calorie intake from all the pop you can drink. Like I said I didn't care for that one and it's not healthy anyway but it can help get you through some lean times....I also did plenty of other shit but it was illegal and in retrospect stupid so I won't elaborate on it other than to say use your imagination.I realize these things may be harder to do when they are your form of subsistence but they are just suggestion and if I did them to have money to go and to party then hopefully they, along with some help from your family, can help you get through.