I am so confused! I've known this guy for about 6 months, he's a great guy. When I met him he had just split up with his girlfriend of 5 years and he just moved out of her house 4 months ago. We started hanging out more and he started becoming more affectionate, I brushed it off because I did not him to get the wrong impression of me. So, he was coming over a couple times a week and when he'd go he'd say things like we need to do this more often, I enjoyed our time together, etc. We haven't kissed or anything but he has kissed me on the cheek. Some days he'll call me baby, hun other days he'll say nothing and be distant. Here's the confusion factor. I think he likes me but I'm not sure. I told him it was obvious that I was interested, he replied with "Its not that I am not interested, its just that my life is so complicated right now with me just having gotten out of that long relationship. I am content with being friends (for now)." So, whatever...that's all fine but I keep getting mixed signals. I got tired of it one day and said I'm done, I can't do the back and forth thing anymore because it's frustrating and confusing. I said take care, good luck with everthing...these are his exact words "Actually I want to do you real bad. But I don't want to get sprung again. I have to tell you that. Sorry but you are my ideal woman and I am scared of that. I like you so much." What the hell? Now I'm even more confused. He says I'm his dream woman but now I haven't seen him for a week. I understand that he is scared or maybe he's not and it's all a front. I need some advice on how I can help him not be scared of me. Is this a lost cause? What can I do?Thank you much!
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HELP! Should I give up?
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I concur with Helms. He probably has some issues he needs to work through. Questions he needs to ask himself and answer. It is not uncommon for people to lose themselves as an individual when they've been in a relationship for a long period of time. Once this happens, they need time to find their self once again. Just be weary of this if you proceed.
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welcome aboard.something that I can tell you from personal experience is that following a major break up there are things we want and things that we need... and both can also be terrifying.I've had a few relationships since splitting with my wife over a year ago. Right or wrong, I've kept my heart pretty tightly locked.
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Thank you! You guys are great. I understand that he is scared, confused. It's just hard for me at the other end. Either give me signs or don't. I really don't like how I haven't seen him lately, he is such a great guy I don't want to lose him altogether. I mean, I saw him two days ago but it was for about 5 min and it ended with a kiss on the cheek. I've noticed that whenever he does something he pulls way back. I'm glad that he told me he was scared though. Do you have any advice for what I can do to make him for comfortable? How can I show him not to be scared of me? If I'm his ideal woman, like he said, then you'd think he'd want to keep me close.
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Welcome to AfraidToAsk, its good to see you on here.I would say that helms is pretty close to being on the dot. Tell him that you realize he just broke up with his girlfriend, and that you dont want to hurt him. But also tell him theat you need some clear signals from him. He is probably still very confused because I am pretty sure that he still has feelings for his old girlfriend. Now, he might truly have feelings for you, he might not, but let me tell you this, from a very understanding and caring perspective. Do not develop deep feelings for him. You might be very tempted to do so, but be strong and let him have a little bit of time before you decide to get serious with him, no matter how good of a guy he comes across as being.-AnondudeP.s. how old are you? and him?
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Do you have any advice for what I can do to make him for comfortable?
I think a good way is to be patient. Let him know that you are willing to be patient too. The less pressure he feels about it, the more he will likely be drawn to you.
EDIT: That is, if you are truly willing to be patient with him.
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He is 29 and I am 24. I told him that I wasn't trying to rush him into anything and that I totally understand his position. I am fine with being friends but he's got to quit sending me mixed signals. He said he likes me a lot but he's scared. It just seems so childish to me to be scared. This is a smart man, pre-med, and yet so slow...does that make sense? I'm just frustrated with the way he's handling things.
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How much patience should I have? Do you think June is enough time for him to at least decides what he wants?
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Quote:How much patience should I have?Things like this don't have a set amount of time. It really depends on the people that are involved.My advice is not to worry about him and what he is doing, thinking, trying to do. Naturally be who you are and the answers will come. Don't be anything different than who you really are and things will work out. Maybe it won't work out with this particular guy, but overall it will work out.
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Thank you. I know there's not a set amount of time but I don't want to look like a lost puppy waiting for him to come around. I also don't want to be all quick and lose him. I'm going to continue to be who I am and just put him on the back burner, let him contact me when he's ready. It's just so hard!
