Help! Im In love with My Best Friend

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Hey everyoneOk so here is the story, My friend and I have known eachother for a year now, when her and I met we instantly clicked due to same interests in most categories, both of us had the same views on many things as well. We had a falling out about 6 months ago but then came back strong and even closer and sense then wev'e become best friends, I honestly trust her more than anyone on the planet, and have a true deep love for her in the friendship aspect. Now the problem iv'e always had interest in her as more than a friend, and I know that im actually in romantic love with her as well, thats what caused the initial rift between us because at the time she didn't feel the same way. After not seeing her for a while I was miserable for losing such an incredible friend but she called me one day and we reconciled, and my feelings for her had seemingly subsided by this time. Me and her talk about everything from boy friends and girl friends to sexual fantasies, you name it, nothing was off limitis between us. Then I began dating someone, my friend even pushed me to do it with encouragement. I dated this girl for about a month all the while still hangin out alot with my friend, the girl i was dating had no qualms about it or anything and even if she did i would have sooner broken up with her then not be "allowed" to hang out with my best friend. Now is were it gets intersting, MY friend's family and I are extremely close, her parents think of me as a son and invite me to do everything with them, apparently im one of the few guys she's brought home that they actually like lol. Ok so anyways as im leaving her house one night to go see the girl im dating at the time we share a hug that was deeply passionate feeling, and we stared into eachothers eyes for an increasingly long time and I almost leaned in to kiss her lips but I veered away and kissed her cheek in a loving friendship type of way. I didn't want to cheat and I was terribly confused now as well...was she interested in a relationship now? are my feelings for her still here? We'll a few weeks and we continued to hang and I was still with the other girl in a relationship. Her parents invited me to her dad's b-day celebration with just us and them, and we road with her parents there. On the way our hands just seemingly came togehter and we held eachothers the whole ride. We went into to the resteraunt/theatre thing and watched the show that was going on and yet again when the lights were dim our hands came together this time very romantically, we stroked and rubbed on eachothers hands. and we continually gave eachother looks of intrigue and possibly would have kissed had her parents not been there. So afterwards they dropped me off at my car and I kissed her on the cheek goodbye after another long passionate hug. My girlfriend at the time all the while complaining to my other friends behind my back about me hanging with her all the time.So one day after telling her I'd help her do a project involving my guitar for one of her college courses i went over in the evening. We did everything we usually did hangin out and talking etc and then my girlfriend called and I decided to leave. As I left she walked me to my car as always and we shared our same tender loving hugs, and I went to kiss her on the cheek again and she did the same for me but this time we "missed" and hit lips. "im sorry" were the first things out her mouth, and I in stutter said "thats ok" and we just kind of hovered there for a while, and then it just happened we kissed again, passionate lip kissing, not tounge just soft beautiful romantic kissing at its finest IMO. We stopped for a minute and she voiced her thoughts on it not being fair to my girl friend and I agreed and we stopped...for a short time, we tried to pass it off as just experimenting really quick(we had never kissed before), and made up a bunch of excuses, and then yet again it just happened, this time as we did it, her mother walked out of the house to see us! We quickly made up some excuse and her mother went inside, then again we kissed. After that i finally decided I should go, and we simply hugged and high fived and I left. I felt so dirty and sleezy for doing this but at the same time extremely satisfied(i knew then for sure my feelings for her were back in full swing).So the next day we talked about it online and somehow decided to just remain friends because we did have a true friendship love for on another. And so the days went by until one day I talked to her on the computer and she was extremely sad and volitile almost, she kept complaining about how she never is able to find a good relationship etc. and kept telling me to go talk to my girl friend when I tried to console her. So i called my friend up and told her she meant the world to me and I hated to see her like this(it breaks my heart to see her upset in anyway). So i just told her that whatever happens im always going to love and care about her and she thanked me seemingly more at ease and went to bed. After a few more similar conversations the next few days with advice from another friend i decided it was best to tell her how I felt, so we met one day her in a bad mood like before and I spilled my guts to her, i was in tears as I said this, and she seemed to be as well(she hid her eyes with her sunglasses). and we both agreed that we felt something during those kisses. She said she needed to go and think about us being together and we both agreed it was not to be some rash decision but well planned and thought out. the next day she told me she planned on going out on a date with some guy we both knew in order to see if she still thought about me while on a date with him. This crushed me of course, and we seemingly began to build a distance apart from each other again. She was very awkward about things and it was just miserable for me again. Finally we began talking again after about a week and agreed that we did not want to lose eachother as friends but decided if something continued to happen we were not going to stop it.And thus We continued hanging out, and I finally broke up with the other girl(she had been out of town visiting family over the holiday) but apparently she had wanted to do so as well(i'd come to find out later she had also cheated on me, not saying my cheating was right but it did make me feel more at peace). The same day my friend and I hung out and we kissed again, on new years eve in fact right as it struck 12. Another romantic moment for her and I. Suddenly my world was spinning again as she then began dating a guy steadily and it crushed me, she didn't even tell me in person which really hurt me as I had to find out myself thanks to myspace(how lame). her and this guy ended up going further than she'd ever gone before with fingering and foreplay etc.., we were still close and she continued to tell me about everything they did and kept telling me about "the Fireworks" she felt with him. We'll she had a pregnancy scare with him from a session of foreplay(which was the topic I entered these forums about!) and I helped research everything for her, she ended up not being pregnate which was a good thing. This guy she was with lived out of town and she didn't see him much and he was continually snotty and a douchebag(for lack of a better term) to her which lead to their break up. Shortly after their break up she was out dating numerous other guys at the same time(not steady dating but several dates) which also hurt me just because my feelings were still there for her. She ended up doing things with another guy(just fingering etc..) and like I posted in another section here ended up having her Hymen torn, after which she called me in the wee hours of the morning scared to death. I consoled her and we talked about everything, she was increasingly nervous about her bleeding and the guys reaction. I did research for her and helped her think of what to tell the guy and everything. And thus she called and talked to him.Apparently it wasn't bad as they began dating, and after introducing him to me i nearly grew sick, im not one to judge people but this guy was very unattractive with the personality of a rock. She deserved so much better, why would she pick this guy? They are still dating as this just happened a few days ago.So ok now that this Text book is finished lol, I could use some major advice. Im still definately in love with her but love her as a friend as well, I woulden't want to lose her again but some tell me it may be worth the risk. I also don't want to make her cheat on anyone or anything like that. Also does it seem weird that she was interested in me when i was dating someone and then never continued on that subject after i became single again? I hear this big thing about Girls wanting what they can't have and it makes me wonder.So any advice on the above and on what I should do period would be much appreciated, thanks :).

If it were me, I'd tell her my feelings, and if she still wasn't interested in a relationship I'd say that we needed to seperate for a while. You're putting pressure on her to make the decision, because she can't keep toying with you like this, and if she says no well then you will need time to get over her anyway. Distance yourself from her, go on a few dates yourself, and after some time has passed, and you're not thinking about her all the time, slowly start hanging out with her again.It'll be hard, but so long as you remain her "close friend" she'll keep using you as that emotional good guy that makes her feel better when her asshole boyfriends treat her poorly. You'll constantly obsess over her and not realise that there are tons of other great women out there.

You know, I honestly think you need to talk to your good friend and tell her how you honestly feel. Tell her what she means to you and be completely sincere and sweet about it. Make sure that you express how much she means to you. Be sure to include the fact that she is really hurting you, and that if you can't be with her more than just a friend, then you have to take a break so that some of her actions dont hurt you. You might get a response that you dont like, but it will be a lot better than having to deal with something that's hurting you.-anondude

Thanks for all the suggestions guys its much appreciated, im still not sure what to do though, I don't wanna lose her, I love having her in my life.

Ok add this to the fray now, a mutual friend of ours has come out and told me that She(the mutual friend) has a crush on me.

haha, then you know what to do, you need to go express you're true feelings for her, and tell her exactly how you feel... like i said all along listen to the anondude

sigh relationships are such a bitch arent they? well, I think you should tell her that if you cant be more than just friends with her, then you cant be friends. I know, I know, it would really hurt to loose her as a friend, but think about it like this, as pain ratios go, is it worse to have a terrible pain that you will get over at some point, the pain of loosing a dear friend, or to have a constant unrelenting pain that will never go away as long you remain silent? I dunno, it seems like she doesnt care for you as much as you do her, i cant give you a definate answer and mine is probably the last persons advice you should take on relationships, but all the same, Either she says yes and your happy, or she says no and you get an answer, better than living with the gnawing pain every time she goes out with another guy, dont ya think? All the best

I'm with you, rvb.. OP - I think you should talk to her. Tell her, and get it over and done with. In the end, its going to hurt you more dragging it out and watching her going with other guys. It's not a good situation, I've been in it before.. just take a chance and see.

Thanks for all the suggestions everyone, much appreciated

no problem :smile: do you have any updates?

Not just yet, as Im still mulling everything over.

I suggest not doing that advice.Do what is called a NEXT, you stop hanging out with the girl, when she calls you to hang out or do any plans you say you're "busy" whenever you see her by accident end conversations short and say "I'm on the run, gotta go." It cuts out all drama and cuts all the "do I still love her" thoughts way down. Avoid NEXTing ceremonies which is meeting up with the girl and telling her your feelings for her and how much you don't like her anymore because of something. This creates drama. When you try to insult her: "you're a bitch!" "Your sucha slut!" (IW's always get carried away when trying to break a girl and always let their full passion run out, bad mistake, most of all because it's rude)And she can talk to her friends (and or other cuddle bitches) and her friends can convince her that she is not a slut or a bitch (when she's probably neither to start with).

Didnt really get what you were trying to say there, but if it involves degrading her in any way count me out.

It doesn't degrade her, it just avoids drama and gets her off your mind.

oh ok sorry misread the post!

No worries

The saga continues....

The other day her and I decided to "Check each other out" and it was mutual we both wanted to know more. I had thought we were close enough to do so. So We showed eachother our stuff, and she allowed me to touch her breasts. and she then asked if I needed to masturbate, I said yes half jokingly, and she then asked if she could watch. and so she did, and everything seemed cool and dandy. Until tonight when we took dance lessons together and she barley spoke nor acknowledged me, After we drove home she told me she needs space....leaving me in tears

Im utterly devastated right now, I have no idea whats going on anymore :frowning:

Wow, she was suddenly the best friend ever until the awkwardness came.I'd guess that she crossed a line that she realised she wasn't ready, or wanted to, cross. I'd suggest that if you can pass on a message to her saying that if she wanted to talk that you're to it, and then give her the space she wants.You've kinda gotten into an awkward and possibly very messy situation, the best way to handle it is by relaxing and letting her deal with it in her own way.

It's just weird that it suddenly hit her to be all awkward and everything, we went shopping shortly afterwards, and even talked on the phone the day right after. Then Last night it all went to crap. I think that is what im gonna do though for now, just let her alone for ahwile I just hope i haven't gone and f'd things up

so we talked yesterday about some stuff, i guess she was just really dissapointed in herself from the situation we were in the other day, as she feels like she cheated(we didn't actually do anything sexual to eachother). But the good news is she does now know that if we were to eventually date that we could have a really good relationship because of how open we are and such, but were kind of taking a sort of break for now, just not hangin out as often as usual, but were still best friends, shes just still a lil awkward about things.