i dont know why....but lately iv been haveing a really hard time dealing with ppl being interested in my bf....i used to not really feel threatened by it....and i trust him an all but lately iv been feel way more Jealous/ possesive than i used to and i dont like it....because i dont want to be that "Jealous girlfriend"....thats always like " back off my man be-och"...im going a little bit overboard here but i think iv made my point.....you see...b4 we were dateing he was dateing someone else at my school (whom i really disliked) however i was nice to both of them about it...because i didnt want to harm my relationship with him in any way, especially cuz i was crushin on him. but after thay broke up and we started dateing i became better friends with her...and it didnt really bother me that they had dated...but recently ( only over the last 2-3 weeks really) i have been feeling alot more Jealous...like in class a few days ago they were talking about something that happened when they were dateing...it was just a funny story...but it really bothered me to think about them dateing...i have no idea why but i felt like the bigest bitch for feeling so possesive over something so trivial...and another incedent happened a little bit ago.... this one girl came up to him right after class wraped her arm around his elbo and was all like "are you gonna ride the bus with me today"...in a really cutesy flirty way.... and i was standing right there....it didnt really bother me at the time ( shes like a year younger than him...and about 2 yrs younger than me)...so i didnt perceve her as a threat...but after he told be about talkin to her on the bus one day that i couldent give him a ride....and now i dont like the idea of her being around him...i dunno y...i still dont really perceve her as a threat or nething...it just a major irritant to think of her crushing on and sitting next to my bf...and touching his elbos ;)...lol..im trying to be light hearted about this...but my major question...has ne1 else experenced this...just a sudden peak in Jealousy/ insecurity...and am i a bitch 4 feeling this way ???...thank u
i think its perfectly natural to feel and think that way. i would be especially offended if a guy tried to make a move on my gf. i also feel slightly uncomfortable when my gf talks about her past bfs. he is after all your boyfriend and you have every right to atleast feel awkward when a girl tries to take him away.
omg your not being a bitch at all! i had a bf who was the player type and always had girls around him.and i was never the jelous type.but when my so-called "girlfriends" would come up to him and hug him, [especially his ex's] i would get extremely jelous & possesive.so when we were around the other girls i would make a point to have him kiss me and hug me and always be touching me [my arm or something, nothing kinky]
i honestly think its totally normal to feel possesive and jelous.especially if its a new, but not-so-new relationship bc your finding more and more about the person and feel like you dont want to loose them when they know so much.
with that same bf at teh time, after our first month, i started not caring if other girls hugged him and wanted to hang out with him bc we had a really good and solid relationship.and i told him that i hated it when the girls would do that.so he would make a point of always doing something boyfriend/girlfriend type thing after a girl hugged him and such.so i mean, maybe you should tell him how you feel, but make it casual.it really helped my relationship and maybe it could help yours.
but you are deffinatley not being bitchy!
+even though i had to go through shit,i wouldn't take any of it back+
Yeah I also get really jealous like that, I've talked with my roomate about him being jealous in a similar way too. I think its very normal, as long as you're not doing anything to harm the person you're jealous of or going out of control in your jealousy which I know you're not. I think jealousy is a very natural feeling.
back in my shameful days when i was goin out with....... her. (hangs head in shame) this girl was the centre of my life at the time. i loved her, i only wanted to be with her. the thing is. i live in ireland and she lives in scotland. we've broken up now, have done for a year or so. but when she was mine, i was so annoyed, bcoz ppl were touchin her and pokin her on the bus. i was annoyed especially bcoz she wouldn't say anything and this drove me crazy! i wasn't around her for 97% of the time, so i had to trust her (more fool me, as she cheated on me) there was a point in that r'ship that we were both so insecure, it just wasn't healthy. we were close to breakin up at one point.....and she went out to a party. to me, that bugged the hell outta me bcoz while we were close to breakin up and i was sad as hell, she was out partyin and havin fun. which in retrospect, i should have done as well. she turned me into a possessive, horrible person. it got to me, as i am not normally like that!!! i broke up with her and the good returned to me. i'm now with an angel of a girlfriend. she is perfect and our trust is excellent. the bits of advice i'd say is, don't go out with girls abroad :P and just talk to your boyfriend. they communication is the key to a r'ship.. they're right. if you talk about things, you can deal with any problems and he may be able to deal with whats buggin you. just a thought
Coming from a guy's point of view, it is completely natural for you to feel jealous. True human love naturally desires honest commitment, so when you see him in any way reacting to other girls, you need to realize that you arent gonna like it. My suggestion is this. talk to your bf and tell him how you feel. tell him that you know he's very attractive and that you are very blessed and thankful to have him as your OWN bf. tell him that he means a lot to you and that you dont ever want to lose him because you two are perfect for each other. and as others have mentioned, be very affectionate around him and have him show his affection towards you. If he can't show his affection towards you, then you might need to call it quits. He probably enjoys the attention of other girls (yes, I know that I do) but he also probably loves you a lot and doesnt want to lose you. Its almost a double standard that us guys have... we don't want our girls flirting with other guys, but we can flirt with girls... WRONG. heh, but guys have a lot of pride and he unitentionally does things like that to get attention / satisfy his selfish flesh. But deep down, I am more than positive that he doesnt want to hurt you (if he loves you) and that if you express that to him, then he will definitely change that part of him when you are around.
You never know when you will meet the perfect person.
well its been an interesting week but it everything seems to be ok now....things kept getting more and more weird between us and we would argue and variouse things were kinda goin on ....so when i drove him home from school tuesday...we stoped at a park and i said that we needed to talk...and i told him that i was worried that we were loosing the friendship piece of the relationship and was worried that it was goignt o lead to a break up ....and told him i was scared out of my mind that he was going to break my heart....
so we talked and talked and talked some more...and came to the conclution that we needed to take a "break" <----(i hate that term by the way)....but not in the typical sence...we desided that we were going to try to not be so physical and limmit our physicalness to small kisses and hugs for a wile and try to focus on talking and becomeing friends again ( we also had more "rules" like trying not to drive to school together everyday...and not ALWAYS be so cuddly and no touching of certain body parts...and not saying "i love you every 5 minutes...cuz we were starting to just use that as a conversation filler...so it basicly lost its spetialness cuz we ehard it every 5 minutes)...
well the next day he wanted to call off the whole thing...but i really wanted to try it still...cuz i was unhappy and i didnt want to take him for granted or loose him or anything...so he was frusterated and kinda pissed but we still desided to move forward with our experiment...so throughout the day it was really ackward for me....i kept watching whatever i did...trying not to be to flirty or sexual of physical or nething...
first let me say some thign really quick b4 i continue...you remember the "elbo toucher" from my original post....well for the sake of this next peice of the story in going to name her kimmy....ok back to what happened: ................i was comeing out of 4th period to look for him (he usually meets me in class) and i walk out the door and i see kimmy talkin to him and then she jumpes up and wraps her arms around his neck and gives him a big hug...he looked fine (and huged back) untill he saw me with my eyes as big as pie plates stareing at them...then he looked kinda panicky like "i dunno wut to do"...(alot of this suspicious stuff i didnt even think about until i was on my way home later but ne hew back to what happened)....i start walking over and she high tails it and i asked him what she wanted....he sadi that she wanted him to ride the bus with her.....and i was like hell no ( i didnt say this of cource but i sure as hell wanted to)
....then he gave me a note that he wrote durring 4th period and i read it durring 5th (i sit next to him in that class by the way)....it was kinda a sweat letter but the thing that stuck out was the one piece that read " i think im going to take the bus today, so i can let you do your own thing"...i immediatly started thinking about Kimmy and them riding the bus and wutever….then I started getting really sad and upset and just all around pissed…and I didn’t want to feel that way so I wrote him a note just nicely saying that I trust him but the situation is really making me uncomfortable and I didn’t like seeing other girls in your arms (espetially ones that have a thing for him)…he was really sweet and understanding and said that he wanted to ride the bus so that he could tell her that how she was acting was making him uncomfortable…this made me feel better and I took a few deep breaths and felt “ok” about the situation….
then after school let out he went out to the bus ( and gave me a shitty kiss, and a half hug)…<------and yes I know that we had set rules about big passionate kisses/hugs….but that’s what partly upset me….that my plan to help us was making me feel worse…but when I was driving home I started to think about all of the things that seemed suspitious like 1. he actually wanted to ride the bus…when I honestly offered him a ride and he has always told be that he hates the bus with a firey passion….2.that he was in the halway chatting it up with her when he usually meets me in class to walk me to class……3. that he didn’t look upset about the hug until he saw that I saw them….ect ect…. And the list went on and on and I basicly started driving myself crazy with “what ifs”…
I started to get mental pictures of them cudling on the bus and a lot of other things that I found quite upsetting…..well I get home and I am all hyped up and worried and pissed and I start talking to my dad…then in the middle of the conversation nick calls (with how upset I was I shouldn’t of answered the phone)…
but I was obviously upset and he wanted to know what was up…I changed the subject and asked how his chat with kimmy went and he was like “well….she was kinda upset today so I thought it was best not to bring It up” so how was she on the bus ride…and he told me that she basicly just sat there like a rock the whole time…..then further into the conversation he was telling me about something funny the y were talking about….this pissed me off cuz I was already irrational ….and all rocks that iv seen generally don’t talk to much….then I I was pretty damn sure that something was going on…but at the same time I knew that there wasn’t cuz he wouldent do that to me….so my brain was having a war with itself….and I started rambling on about how I wish that there was an eject button on him that I could push to get my heart back cuz I was scared he was going to break it …and If it was with me I knew that I wouldent break it…and so I probably sounded like a raving lunatic …then I had to go to work…
then about 3 hrs later I calmed down and was off work so I called him and we talked about a lot of stuff and I felt a lot better cuz he baisicly reassured me that he loves me…and only me…and he would rather I break his heart then him break mine if someone’s heart had to get broken because it would hurt him to bad to cause me pain….the next day (Thursday by this point in time) was a snow day ….and he called and I ended up comeing over for like 2-3hrs and we just hung out outside and made snow men and got into snowball fight with the neighborhood kids …it was a great day...and we both felt like we were friends again…
so today there was school and I picked him up and we went to school and everything was great…my bf and I have 3rd period in the same class that kimmy has 4th period so when we leave 3rd she goes into 4th…I never noticed this b4…but anyway my bf and I had left class early to help with some stuff for our class and we were comeing back to get our stuff right as people were coming into 4th….including kimmy…..we were walkin into the class and he was kissin my cheek and was behind me with his arms around me and when kimmy saw us he just squeezed me tighter and said that he loved me loud enough so that she could here…and yes I am very happy…and feel kinda embaressed that I was acting so suspitiously…but I guess we all have those moments….i still don’t really have ne respect for this girl though…not only because she blatently hits on my bf….but because she dosent have the guts to look me in the eye or look at me at all….like whenever she is flirtin with him and I walk up she darts off….without even egnologing me existence….and believe me I don’t look threatening at all…I don’t scowel or nething (even tough she deserves it)…yep so this is my update….any thoughts?...and i appologise for a mindnumbingly long post
This isn't really the best place to point this out, but I can't help it....
It's really hard to read a post that long without some sort of a paragraph structure (I lost my place about 5 times scrolling down)
sry bout that
Personally, I believe that being jealous is caused by your own insecurity of infidelity. Whether it was because someone you were involved with cheated on you and hurt you so you're looking of any sign that suggests that they are being unfaithful or you have cheated on someone in the past and are convinced that they would do the same to you.
Life is too short to be in a relationship where you're constantly getting jealous. I think you either need to deal with your insecurities and get on with it. Kill the little green monster so to speak or just throw the towel in and just be miserable your entire life because you're afraid something will happen.
Quote:we were around the other girls i would make a point to have him kiss me and hug me and always be touching me [my arm or something, nothing kinky]
my gf does that shit. comes up to me kisses me....hug.. hand in my back pocket.. grab my arm.. just cling to me. (some times it's ok.. say we're in a theater watching a movie..sitting at home .. that's all fine, but when she does it when we're walking down the mall or when i'm hot and sweaty working on a freaking fence... it's just..grrrr) it pisses me of. i'm not her property! wuts fustrating is if i every did that to her (and i woudn't) i'd never stop getting bitched at. NOW.. she's not like that all the time only around certain girls that know me. (*looks around* 1 of them being my EX slut gf...)
she has no reason to act that way. i;d never do nothign to hurt her.
Quote:Whether it was because someone you were involved with cheated on you and hurt you so you're looking of any sign that suggests that they are being unfaithful or you have cheated on someone in the past and are convinced that they would do the same to you.
the thing is that he is my first boyfriend...and it has turned into a long term realtionship...so sometimes i dont know if the reason that i am so trusting is because i am nieve or i dunno and thats what gets my mind going in circles....cuz i do trust him and i know that he wouldent hurt me....then things start runnig through my mind like "well, people get cheated on everyday....and they probably trust whoever is cheating on them to" that little freak out was honestly the only one iv ever had since we began dateing almost a year and a half ago...and the reason i think that happened was cuz things between us started feeling really off and i was getting worried i was gonna loose him ne ways....and part of me was thinking "im acting so damned weird id break-up with me if i could"...so in this case i believe my own mind was my own worst enemy