I have a relationship problem that I could really use some outside advice on. I have lived with my boyfriend for over 3 years and I just don't want to anymore. I tried breaking up with him, I told him how I felt and he just wont except it. He used to be the love of my life. If I were to describe the way my perfect man would look and how brilliant his mind would be, I would be describing him perfectly. Things just feel apart when his jealousy got the better of him. I can't even make eye contact with another man without him accusing me of cheating. He made me stop talking to any males I knew. He even freaks out when my cousins call. He got real mean. He would call me all kinds of names, he would constantly tell me how much of an idiot I was if I didn't agree with him, he even went as far as to spit in my face a few times. I always stood up for him, I supported him through most of our relationship because I Loved him so much and wanted him so badly. We are between places so I figured now would be the perfect time to get away from him. Every time I try to leave him he completly breaks down, begs me to stay, promises that he will change, and swears that he is the one who can make me happy. He admitts to treating me like shit and appologies profusely. He says that I am the love of his life and he would have nothing to live for if I left him. He used to say if I tried to leave him he would kill me and burn my parents house down. The past week has been very different. He is being everything he used to be when I feel in Love with him, but it dosen't seem to matter to me. I just don't feel the same way anymore and I don't know if any amount of ass kissing on his part will change that. He wont except me leaving him. He feels that love I had for him so strongly, is still in me. He thinks that if I live with him for a little longer that he will prove to me how happy he can and will make me. I care for him so much, he's my bestfriend, I don't want to break his heart. However I don't want to waste anymore of eachother's time. I just don't know what to do.
-
Lost that Loving Feeling
-
He threatened murder and arson? This guy is a whack job. You need to get away from him. What does it mean that he won't accept a break-up? You're not a slave -- he'll have to accept it. Life will go on.
How would you feel about never leaving, and spending the rest of your life with this guy? You are wasting time. It may seem better at the moment, but these things usually get worse over time, with violence along the way.
By the way, spitting in someone's face is legally considered battery.
-
Sounds to me like you were in love with the DREAM of what it should be. Not with the man himself. You need to go. He is just manipulating you. When he can't control you by abuse, he controls you by groveling. It will continue. IF you really want to work it out. Get his arse to counseling and set a minimum time limit that your gonna live apart. Six months minimum. If he REALLY loves you, and isn't looking for a slave. He WILL do six months of counseling and stay apart from you for that long. I will bet, he will want all or nothing. And even if he does try some counseling, he will not fallow through with the time...If he does, you guys might have a shot.But, usually people like that don't or are unwilling to really change until they hit rock bottom, and even then they might not.Good luck to you. I would go now, it's been long enough.
-
I want to thank ya'll for your support and positive feedback. This is far from my first serious relationship and yet I have never had such a hard time leaving someone I knew wasn't right for me. Then again I'm not sure if he isn't right for me. I am far from perfect and he understands how my mind works. Wich is a huge turn on for me because most people, including my shrinks, have never understood me. I guess what I want to know is if ya'll think my own personal resintment toward him for doing the things to me that he did is whats keeping me from feeling the same way about him? And if I were to stay how should I go about getting rid of these feelings of hate and anger I have for him.He is just so obsessed with me I have trouble leaving all his attention behind. (even though I know its the wrong kind)
-
> He is just so obsessed with me I have trouble leaving all his attention behind. (even though I know its the wrong kind)
This obsession sounds like a very dangerous trait. Having to flush all your male friends is not acceptable. Spitting in your face is not acceptable. Psycho jealousy is not acceptable. It sounds like you're having an issue with your own self image and self-worth.
-
I have tried to break up with him on several occasions and end up giving into what he wants instead.
Next week I'm suppose to go out of town to visit family and was considering not coming back for a long while. Would that be the worst thing I could do? I don't want to seem immature, as if I'm running away from my problems instead of dealing with them.
(in the process of typing this response he has already called me 4 times to see what I was doing)
I just know that when he starts telling me he can't live without me..... I look into his eyes and I can't help but give him another chance.
So would leaving under the impression that I'm coming back in a few days make me a horrible person if I don't come back?
-
This happened a few years ago near where I live. They ended up chasing he guy down the freeway with his girlfriend in teh car as a hostage, after he shot her parents at thier home where she was staying adn kidnapping her.when cornered on the freeway he stood out of the car put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger ending any chance that he would stand trial.people like that should eb taken seriously.Thats nto stay with him to avoid the problems, thats a strong statement to get the fuck away actually.He threatend you and your paernts. Thats assault. you dont have to hit someone to get popped, just threaten it, if you hit them its assault and battery, use a weapon its assault witha deadly or attempted murder.You need to tell yuor parents whats going on then goto teh police. The world moved on, this used to be a bullshti report that they dismissed, now they take it pretty seriously.His crying and begging and Im gonna change shit has been used by so many abusive pieces of shit in teh past thats it a simple stage of progress along the path, even if they mean it when they say it, they dont fucking mean it. Know ho wmany women are dead that thier bf told them he was going to change and hed never do it again?FUCKING COUNTLESS.Dont fuck around with the prick, do somethign about it.Tell your parents so that they are aware of it then seek police help. THe therats he made may even be enough to get him held on some psych shit for a bit. You are fucking your entire life and those lives of the people around you to stay with the piece of shit.Ever think that if shit wws going better in life right now he wouldnt be so good to you?He knows he needs you to support his ass and take care of him right now and Id bet cash that once shits better and your in a secure place anda house that hes right back to the piece of shit he is.
-
4 times? thast an ego and fucking control issue right there.My current love went through that shit with her x, wearing a pager then a cell phone and has to answer or call back in 2 minutes or shes getting beaten, him coming to her work to yell at her because dinner wasnt ready when he got home so all he had to do was stick a premade plate inteh microwave, take the foil off and spress start. Throwing pissy fits because she wanted to attend a wedding for her mother and he didnt want to go, fucking beating her because she left work premises for lunch and he found out about it and she didnt have permission. Yor in the same fucking situation, it only gets worse, your much better to end it now.Play along with his ass for a bit, set shit up to get out, then go for it.I dont mean days or weeks either, I mean fucking now.Tell him your leaving for a few days and youll be back, then get out. goto mom and dad tell them whats going on, call the police tell them whats going on and tell them your scared of him. Dont pack like your leaving for good, just the shit yuo need for a few days, dont arouse suspicion. You can get alll your shit leter on when the situation is in professional hands and youhave some protection.
-
after reading all of this post Helms, I dont see option 1 as an option.Iv had friends that went though this shit with thier husband or BF, and Julie was in this same shit her entire mariage. Based on what the OP says, she also doesnt want to be with him and is just scared to leave. I had more to go on when I made this grand announcment than you did when writing the post that Im responding to, but I think she needs to shitcan the advice you gave her in this post and move the fuck on.
-
I agree. I don't think that the relationship has a prayer. It's in an unhealthy dependence state, and it will go nowhere good...it can only go downhill, and serious violence may be on the horizon.The OP needs to stop needing to be validated by a mentally ill guy, realize her own value, be concerned for her own safety, and get the hell out of there. There is no question about it.
-
AAAAHHHHH!!!!!I JUST escaped this shit! It took me FOUR FLIPPING years, and that was only AFTER I left!!!I wish I would have had the advice to run LONG AGO! I happened to stay close though, and I have a child with the asshole. Jaded, if you have the opportunity to stay with family to get away, USE IT!