One of those nights...

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As you all know, I deal with depression on a daily basis... well, tonight I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I feel like things are hopeless and that there isn't any way out of this personal hell of mine. It's like I'm in this tiny box and it keeps getting smaller and smaller and I can't seem to find my way out. Today started out fine, I was doing great, but not now, now I can't even seem to hold off the tears.

That's pretty rough....what happened today? And are you still working in the same place? And, have you sold your interest in the house? And what about traveling?

Right now, I don't care about any of it... I feel like everything I do or take on starts out great and then it quickly crumbles into complete shit. I feel trapped and I don't know how to get out... I think I'm having a panic attack or a nervous break down!Hell I don't even know if I'll have a fucking job next week! My boss sold her store... meaning I could have a new boss... shes yet to have told any of the workers if we'll keep our jobs. No job means I can't pay my bills... can't pay my bills means I don't have a place to stay...

I assume the new owner is going to need people to work in the store. Is there any way you can contact that person? Are there any other employment possibilities in the area?

Aside from that, I hope you feel better tomorrow...

Awe Katie, all I can do is send a hug.Depression is a darn hard thing to deal with. I sure hope your better today, cause your awesome! I don't like it that your sad.

Hey cutie, sorry to hear you had a rough night last night hug. I'm on yahoo if you need to talk.

Aww Katie, I thought things were getting better...with the house and paying off the car. Don't stress too much about the job. The new owner will more than likely need people to work there, and you seem to have always been a good worker. You need a vacation sweetie. Eddie and I are in Ohio. I hope you are feeling better today. hugs

I just feel drained and I'm sick of being used by those that supposedly 'love' me. It's kind of like I've just burned out...

Your family?

cuddles Sis i hope you're feeling a little brighter today hon.Depression is a horrid thing, you kinda can't see a way out of things and everything seems like a let-down or a battle.....out of control, especially with the worry about the job.You need to get proactive hon, find out if you can contact the new owner and find out where you stand, its understandable that you're worried, once you find out one way or the other then you can work through stuff and if needs be make plans for something else.i always felt part of my depression was the feeling that things happened to me, as in i had no control over my life, getting that control back to some degree helped a lot in making me feel better about things.If there is more than the job thing worrying you hon, make a list of everything that makes you down, prioratise the things that get you down the most and try and find a way to deal with them if possible, then tick them off. I did when i was depressed and put the list on the fridge and ticked things off once i had done something, big or small to try and get them sorted, it felt great to see that things were being dealt with and i was doing it.Above all darlin, remember you're wonderful, totally, say it to yourself NOW don't ever lose sight of that ya hear or you will have me nagging at ya LOL love ya darlin cuddles

Angel is right. A list really helps, especially if it is put up somewhere that you see it all the time...like right on the wall at eye level across from the potty..lolRemember your awesome. And the ones who use you, know your awesome, cause they come to you for what ever they think they need. Sounds like it's time for you to think of yourself first...You don't always need to catch the ball for everyone. They will find someone else to do it.hugs

Welcome to my world.I feel like that all the fucking time.Im always on the verge of a panic attack. lifes a bitch, get a fucking helmut.You have to learn how to deal with shit in your head. I dont have a suggestion, if ya figure it out please let me know.My hearts been pounding for 4 fucking days non stop, I can see sperm looking things swimming in my field of vision every time I blink, they fade away as my eyes stay open and reappear when I blink again.Im certain tis all due to stress and getting over being so fucking sick for so long. If a fe things change it gets easier till the next crisis comes at you. For me its waiting on weather so i can get back to jobs that pay more than fucking laying tile in a bathroom or little piss ant shit like that and do the shed, gazebo, deck, and greenhouse I have lined up waiting on weather to break so I can get started adn get paid. Till I can get back to the bigger shit Im always on the verge of losing it all. Bills fucking suck.Right nwo I shoudl be using a program I have to do a 3d picture of some concepts on a job Im bidding but I cant seem to concentrate on doing the lay out work and figureing out th right wood for the look and function to use. it all seesm over bearing. Im sure yuo knwo the way I feel, maybe to a lesser degree, maybe to more. I wish you luck in dealing with it, somethings gotta give soon, good luck.

For the first time today I thought about suicide... I'm too much of a coward to actually do it, but the thought crossed my mind and it scared me. I am just so fucking sick and tired of my life, of the people in it, of the person I've become. I feel like I'm just going through the 'actions' every day, that alot of the time I don't really care about what is going on around me but yet my reaction is to be sympothetic or show some sort of emotion when all I feel is numb inside and I'm tired. I really am, and I have no where to go! I can't afford to go to the doctor or a shrink even though I want and need to go... my self esteem has crashed over the last year. I used to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see, but now all I see is some empty person looking back and I hate it and I hate her.

I've been there, and know how it feels. It sux. I sometimes revert back to it. For me the best way to deal with that is to change. I've moved, changed jobs, changed friends, so on and so forth.. Not to say that I completely stopped talking to those friends, I just had to have a change of scenery.