Sister moving out
Okay, I'm on my lunch break so I have to make this quick. Basically my 21-year-old sister is moving out to move in with her boyfriend of less than a year. Yeah, bad mistake, right? Well, my mother is going to try and talk to her tonight to try and changer her mind. She's not going to make her stay, but she's going to make sure she says what she has to say to her. I feel like she shouldn't do this because she hasn't been dating this guy for a long time. She's too young. She's in school and working part time. He works at Long John Silver, probably making only minimum wage. Plus, she's said that he gets on her nerves and can be too clingy. She said that she's getting a four bedroom house and maybe will have some other people live with her. Her boyfriend smokes weed occassionally.
I'll add more later tonight. I just want to get some feedback from people who've been in this situation. I've thought about moving in with my boyfriend (now ex), but had a change of heart when I realized how much I wouldn't be ready for it. Should she or shouldn't she? What have been your experiences with this?
I smoke weed occasionally, I dodnt see that as an even so what factor ?
When I was 21 I had been married for a few years.
Concern is always welcome to a family memebr of friend, but people do make mistakes, this may or not be one.
I happen to think thta it is.
The time they knew each other and his smoking a fatty here and ther are bullshti reasons to me to not move in.
The only thing I see that would make me consider not doing it in her shoes is that "Plus, she's said that he gets on her nerves and can be too clingy"
The rest is life. Age doesnt matter, they are legally adults. Jobs make it harder, and throw school in on top of that and its harder still, but possible if they are commited to making it work.
its that whole annoying clingy shit that would make me think inher case its a bad idea.
If I were you and your mom, Id have a chat and see if you can figure out what it is that makes her want to leave and make life harder on her self, why is she so willing to do that? did she not think it through and jsut thinking of the freedom she has on her own and forgetting about bills and bullshit? or is there some friction at home that can be compramised thats pushing her out?
Just my ideas on it.
I'm doing something pretty similar at 19. Your sister is an adult, she has probably thought about the same things and decided it was still a good idea.
I don't mind her moving out. I just don't think she's ready to move with a guy she hasn't been dating for a while. She's barely in school and she's only working part time. She's not really making enough money to fully support herself. But it's her decision. Like I said, I'm not going to try and stop her. I'm just going to tell her that she's probably making a huge mistake.
I'm assuming less than a year means 10ish months? I don't know about her situation but people can become very close in that time. As for the financial side of things, I did think that a four bedroom place with the possibilty of no flatmates is a bit extreme. Maybe you could offer to help her with a budget, that way she (and you) could see if it's actually feasible for them.
She said she and her boyfriend may ask his cousin and his girlfriend to move in with them. I don't know if she knows too much about them, though.
Anyway, I said I would add more. They haven't been dating for 10 months. They haven't been dating even for 6 months. I would say around 3-4 months. She doesn't have a great deal of self-esteem and this is the first guy to really show her some attention (aside from her previous boyfriend who was somewhat of a stalker). She has said to me in the past that he can be clingy and that sometimes bothers her. Also, she has other male friends that she talks to frequently and has met them places while leaving her boyfriend at my mom's house by himself without much explanation. She has a tendency to lead guys on in the beginning of relationships and kind of cast them aside when things get "boring." That is what she did in her previous relationship, and the guy got really crazy, like calling her lots of times and riding by her house (he was a lot older than her, 32 to be exact). His job isn't really stable and he doesn't even have his GED (high school diploma). I think this is his first job. She had to take time off school because she was in an accident, but she just got back in school. I don't know how reliable he is, so I can't really speak to that. She said the house that they are getting is a 4-bedroom with a really cheap price (which makes me wonder what kind of shape it's in). It's really hard for you guys to make a judgement on this because you don't really know her. I just don't want her to end up pregnant or stuck in a lousy relationship in a crappy house. But, she's 21 and she can make her own decisions. I'm just hoping she'll give it some more thought before jumping into this.
In my opinion, she shouldn't do it. If I knew her personality better then I could give better advice. She strikes me as the type of person that has to learn a lesson the hard way. In which case, she'll probably need to go out there and make her own mistakes. I would probably say something like, "If things don't work out, remember you still have someone to come to."
It would be bad if she feels like she has nowhere else to go when she's living with her boyfriend. Enough people telling her that she's making a mistake may make her feel like she's unwelcome.
all I can add is that I moved out from home at 20 with a woman I'd been dating less than a year.
It worked out relatively well. We lived together for several years before deciding to go our separte ways.
I actually just saw her a week ago. She lives in the Vancouver area now and I was out there for business. We hugged and I didn't want to let go (time heals all wounds)
Originally Posted By: websexinfoI would probably say something like, "If things don't work out, remember you still have someone to come to."
I think this is excellent.
I agree that she is probably making a mistake, but at her age she's gonna do what she's gonna do. And the important thing is that when she falls on her butt - which we all do at some point - she has family to turn to.
I agree with the others. I think you're being too protective. She may well be making a mistake, but it's a mistake she has to make. By her age, people need to be allowed to make their own mistakes.
All you guys make excellent points. While I'm convinced she's making a big mistake, I do agree that she should be able to do it. And I'm sure my mom will allow her to come back home if she decides to.
one of the things we all do for those we love is be there to pick up the pieces.
I cried for like... a week when my sis moved out. they had to usea plier to get me off her. and she moved in with the WEIRDEST people I've ever seen in my life. I was like... you left our nice cozy home for this hunk of crap. butum yeah she needed it mostly because of her school and work distance. she was/is so into the film ordeal she wouldn't let anything including living arrangements get in the way. I really didn't like her apartment. her neighbors were like... huge 10lb New York rats and she was woken up by sirens and gun shots every morning. I won't get into her roommates much but. I did talk to her and tell her that I didn't like where she was staying and I really wanted her to move somewhere else. Plus her roommates were really influencing her in a bad way. finally though she met her fiance in that school. I didn't like him at first but they moved in together at a nicer apartment closer to work when they got engaged. if you really don't like where and who's she's going to live with you need to tell her that. I'm sure she'll understand. best you look out for her than have her deal with drama and whatnot.