I'm having an erection problem thats been stuck in the back of my mind for months. I've thought about drugs for it but i wouldn't know where to turn to get them and i'd hate to have to rely on them.It started a few months back when i was out clubbing with this girl i knew, after more then a few drinks we went back to my house and onto the couch.. After abit of fondling we got undressed and she got on top of me, i wasn't that hard but i thought it was hard enough, i lifted my penis and tried to put it in her but struggled for some reason and then panic struck in. I'm not sure what went wrong but all sorts of things went through my head, was i not hard enough? was she too tight? Or could i just not find the hole. After a while we tried again, with me on top but the same thing happend. I tried not to think about it too much and pass it off as me drinking that night and also i masturbating the same day.A few months later i met this girl called Sara who i care alot about, i also know shes had sex quite a few times. I knew we was gonna get together any day, so i wanted to put this thing to rest before we did but i ended up making it even worse. One night when i hadn't drank or masturbated i called a girl over to my house who always flirted with me and had offered me a one night stand in the past. We was in my bedroom and she was giving me a handjob, when i was hard she told me to put on a condom. It's the first time i had used one so it took abit of time getting on but as soons i got it on my penis flopped and again i started to panic. We tried getting hard again but i was feeling pretty down about it at the time and i was feeling like i had cheated on Sara(even tho we wasnt together)Now i've been with Sara for 6 months but we haven't slept together yet, we don't get to see each other much but i know it's only a matter of time but it's in the back of my mind all the time and i just know it will still be there when we do eventually sleep together. The last time has also made me blame the condom abit. What i don't understand is i seem to get normal lasting erections like i always have, when i wake up, when i'm turned on and sometimes even when i'm just cuddling an kissing with Sara. The problem only comes along when it comes "down to it"Any advice very much appreciated
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Wake up damnit
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it's call performance anxiety. Once the seed is planted, it can become a vicious cycle. The key is to relax and not worry about it. easier said than done. I'm sure others have some better suggestions so I'll leave it at that.
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Yep... it's that damned performance anxiety. Here's an idea I learned about in a sex therapy class:The problem presents itself when you know you're going to be expected to perform. All it takes is one occurance to plant the seed. You get it in your head that you've had the problem in the past and you might have it again. It's called mind over matter... because you think you'll have a problem, you probably will. Mind over matter is hard thing to over come sometimes. You seem to have no problem when you're not in "performance mode". So the trick is to be unexpectly put in the performance... without the mode. If that makes any sense. The only thing is that this idea fits more with two people who are already sexually involved. Oh yeah... and it works best if you're already naked You also have to be comfortable enough to explain your situation to your partner. So I'm not sure it'll fit your situation, but you might be able to get some ideas from it anyway. It involves "surprise" sex. Make your partner aware of what's happened to you in the past. She needs to know that you have no problem getting an erection... except when you know you're going to have sex. Ask her to surprise sex you. Tell her that you'd like for her to initiate sex with you on the spur of the moment. Don't tell her to tell you she's going to do it... ask her to just do it. Sleep naked together for a few days... cuddle... kiss... do all of that close-contact stuff that seems to get you excited. What you'd like for her to do is... after a couple of close-contact days... wait until she notices you're erect... and mount you. Ok... maybe it sounds a little kinky or a little cheesy. But if you don't know it's coming, it'll already be in the works before you get the chance to stress yourself (and your erection) out. It works best if she puts off the mounting for a couple of days and really catches you off guard. Just like the fact that it only takes one bad time to make the problem happen, it can sometimes to be fixed by one good time. Once you realize you can keep an erection during sex, the worrying about whether or not it will happen again should begin to go away. It might take a few suprise-sexs... but supposedly it works with a lot of people.Like I said... this may not work for your situation, but you might be able to get some ideas from it that will work.
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Also u might not wanna drink or take any thing like caffine that day. ANy thing that effects your blood pressure, and if it helps my freind robert uses viagra, so u shouldnt be embarresed to resort to medical help