How can I deal with...?

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Okay, the problem that I am having involves the relationship between my dad and everyone in my family. Before I get into the situation, let me give you some facts regarding my dad.First of all, when he's not angry, my dad is probably the coolest person you'll ever meet. You can get along with him no matter who you are, and he's a social person.On the other hand, when he is angry, he thinks that he is the only person on the earth who matters, yells and screams about all the problems, in the world, etc. Every little thing will upset him once he's angry, and when something bad happens, regardless of how trivial or stupid it is, makes him all angry and he yells at me and my family (including my mom) for ruining his whole day.He goes on and on for a while afterwards about how he can't have a peaceful day for once in his life, and yells about every little thing. You can't talk to him once he's in this "angry" mode, because he becomes so arrogant that he thinks that either you're attacking him or that your opinion is wrong when you say something to him.Now I've dealt with this for my whole life thus far, but today I need some help. I've had a dog for about a year and a half now, and my dad hates the animal. He was the one who decided to let us buy the dog, he bought the dog toys and built the dog a little house when she was a pup, but now he hates her.Today, after my mom's Jeep broke down, he decided to go off on this little "tantrum" of his and say how its my mom's fault for taking the Jeep when she knew it was having problems, how he can never have a decent day for once in his life, and then he started yelling about the dog. He swears that the cause of all his "anger" is because of my dog, and he give my mom an ultimatum, either the dog leaves or he leaves. Now, my dad likes using this ultimatum a lot. He always tells my mom or me when we argue that if we're so unhappy with him here then he should just leave, and at times he'll even say that if I don't shape up or do something that he wants me to that he'll leave.I'm just sick and tired of dealing with this, as it is ridiculuous that my dad does this, and you can't talk to him because he thinks its some sort of attack on his ego and pride. HELP ME.

He sounds very insecure, with self-esteem and anger problems. But - you can't change him. All you can do is put up with his tantrums as best you can until you can get away from them.If your mother is as sick of him as you are, perhaps the two of you should let him leave.

In reply to:He sounds very insecure, with self-esteem and anger problems. But - you can't change him. All you can do is put up with his tantrums as best you can until you can get away from them.If your mother is as sick of him as you are, perhaps the two of you should let him leave.No offense to you or anyone else on this board, but when people write things, you guys take it to the extreme and suggest the worst case scenario all the time. Granted, my dad has problems, and I (as in myself) would like help, but my father isn't a psychopath, and my mother loves him. The point of the matter is he goes on these stupid little temper tantrums, and I was hoping for some constructive advice, not "let him leave."

I'm glad it's not as bad as I thought. But I still maintain that you shouldn't expect to be able to change him.

I agree. I don't think it would even be possible, I'm just overwhelmed, and wished that at the least I can talk to him and let him see exactly what he's doing.

sorry you and your mom are going through this. he is not a psychopath, he is a verbal abuser. he uses his tirades and body language to intimidate and control those around him. what you describe are classic signs of a verbal abuser/controller. the part about the dog too.i bet your mom (and maybe you) often feel like you are "walking on eggshells" around him and do things so you don't "make him mad". (i put that in quotes because he is CHOOSING to be mad...you have nothing to do with it.)are you able to talk to your mom about this? i hope so. there are two outstanding books that your mom should read to see if they describe her relationship. "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" and"Verbal Abuse - Survivors Speak Out"both are written by Patrica Evans. she also wrote a book called Teen Torment, but i haven't read that one. don't bother with the "Controlling People" book - i read that one and it's not worth the time.I really suggest you go to the Patrica Evans Site and look around. lots of links there too.unfortunately, you will never be able to explain to your dad what he is doing. the only thing that changes these types of people is long term counseling, which most are not willing to do. but you can at least learn about it and have some tools to deal with it. really sorry about this. i know he can be the greatest person in the world when he's not ranting.send me a PM if you want to talk...i've been there.

I see the point that all you guys are making, and appreciate the help. The only thing I can say is, that although you guys come really close to explaining my dad's behavior, you're not hitting the nail on the head. He can verbally abuse people, but at the same time he doesn't. Its not like my parents (either one of them) consistently tell me that I'm a good for nothing or something like that. I guess the only way you guys would really know what I mean is to actually be present when a situation arises. Thanks for the info.Oh yea, tomorrow my dog is going to the pound...

i'm so sorry about your dog. i hope my feeling is correct that today your dad will be in a good mood and your dog will stay. i will also venture to say that although you may feel that your dad's anger is not directed at you or your mom, it IS. he may not yell directly at you for something specific, but the very fact that he is throwing tantrums (that's what they are if you think about it) for no good reason makes them directed at you and your mom since you are so deeply affected by them. i'd also venture that the things that "make" your dad mad would not make most people mad. especially that mad. what exactly did your dog do?i still wonder, can you talk to your mom at all about this?

i would say that u should just deal with it because everyone has fault, but i also think that u should tell him to take an anger managment class of some sort.

uh is he just goin through middle aged crises?

That's a good suggestion, AsianMan.

actually i know now from personal expirence what you're going through. last night at my dad's work one person didn't show up and he's already 2 people short so basically he's over working. he freaked out at my mom and smashing the light bulbs in his store...so my uncle took him to his house tryin to calm him down. while he was at the house he stole my uncles car and drove to the bar and got really really drunk . after my sister found out she told me to pack my stuff up and drove me to my uncles while she was crying. after that she left to new jersy to her boy friends house instead of staying home for another day or two and my mom and I slept at my Uncle's. My dad calls last night yelling at my mom for 15 minutes and then threatens to kill her but calls back saying sorry. my mom cannot handle this anymore that she called the cops but they said they wont do anything till he hits her...... now today we don't know if he is still angry or not cause he's in bed cursed with a hang over just hope that the cops don't call my house bout my bowling insident....