There is this guy at work, who has a girlfriend—call him Mark—, but he is REALLY into this new girl that just started working with us—call her Barb. She's engaged, and I will admit, a very smart, beautiful girl (= great catch :D). Well, him and her flirt quite a bit, but I really think that she's just a flirty gal and so is he. The general manager came up to me one day and jokingly said... "LittleQ (he used my real name), that's the kinda girl you should get. She's smart, hard-working, etc..." These things are all true about her, and the general manager was just joking and didn't know she was engaged... blah blah, an inside joke between friends (I'm part of the management there too).So, last night I was at a party, and Mark showed up there. I was wasted/trashed/half-dead, and when he showed up, I started asking him if Barb had shown up too. So, I puke... and I puke some more. Then, I puke even more... bo-RAH!... bo-RAH... bo-RAH! Yeah, I was totally gone over the cliff! Anyway, I was talking to Mark, and I told him what the general manager had told me. And I told him that Barb's relationship was really falling to shit (which is true, they fight all the time, and she thinks he's a dork/loser). I might have even said that I don't think she's ready to settle down, which is also true and so damn easy to see!But I don't remember any of the other things I may have said about her. The thing is, this guy, who I thought was an okay friend of mine, went and fucking told that girl EVERY God-damned thing I said! And I know why he did it: to hide his own wanting her, figured he'd try to make me look like an ass who was after her (which is false, 'cause I don't go after women in a relationship). Besides, I was drunk! What I said doesn't count! So, what do I do? How will I be able to assess this situation? I feel way too embarrassed to ask HER what he said. And I don't feel like talking to him enough to ask HIM. And I could ask the other kid who was there, but that just would seem too much! Another thing, I know he called her to tell her, because him and her didn't work together since I was drunk last night. Either they met and he told her, or (more likely) he called her. So, obviously this guy is just a jackass out to cover his own tracks by scapegoating me! How can I assess this, and how can I make sure she understands that what I said was because I was drunk. BUT I have to lie, a little. What I said about her was primarily to that guy because I knew HE liked her, so I was just saying some of those things, like about how her and her fiancé fight all the time. I don't want to tell her the real reason why I said that, because that would be like doing the same thing to him as he did to me, and I ain't that kinda person.I'm just pissed. Sorry, if this makes no sense at all.Thanks for any advice/comfort/help. LQ
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What an Ass!? What do I do? :-(
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I'm confused on who called who to say what, but oh well.So your "friend" told Barb what you said? So what. You didn't say nothing terribly wrong.You said her relationship is going to shit. If that's true, then what are you embarassed about? You said that you think she's not ready to settle down - again, ntohing bad. Just makes it sound like you're interested.And if her relationship is falling to pieces, why don't you want to make a move on her?As for you asking somebody who said what... screw that, you don't need to do all that. you know what you said, and you can probably assume the "friend" threw in a few extra comments, but oh well.I don't see where your problem is, really...
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Because, saying that about her was mean of me, and I realize that. It is something I never do sober. I feel bad to have said those things... okay, honestly, I feel bad that he told her.
I mean, I'm not sure if she cares, 'cause she kept smilin'/gigglin' at me all night tonight, so maybe she just thinks I'm an idiot However, I don't want her to think I'm an ass :(, nor hate me.
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I don't think anything you said was mean (you were just stating some observations and how you felt about them). There's nothing wrong with that.> It is something I never do soberI take it you're usually a shy person? If that's the case, you might think it a good idea to have a few (a FEW, not a lot) drinks before talking to her next time. > okay, honestly, I feel bad that he told herIf I were you I'd definetely approach this "friend" and tell him you didn't like what he did (I'd personally chose the words "that was fucked up" but that's your choice). That's about all you can do.> cause she kept smilin'/gigglin' at me all night tonightSounds to me like she doesn't think your an ass, nor does she hate you. But you said she's flirtacious (is that a word) so she might just be playing you.I'd say to start throwing a few compliments her way or something. Let her know you're interested (let her know some more, she probably already knows you're interested).
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well. that was pretty inconsiderate. I mean if I was engaged and I heard somebody saying that kind of stuff about my fiance and I whether it was true or not I'd be pissed. That is the guy she's going to marry after all. I would NOT suggest lying. Lying never helps and it always causes more trouble and will put you in deeper water. I think you should just apologize to her. Tell her you didn't mean it, you were drunk and didn't mean to say those things. I doubt she would hate you.