My life, could use some advice!

  • Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums. I've viewed these for awhile now (unfortunately not too recently but I'm in need of advice so I figured I'd stop by here). It's a little long but it's not easy to explain, please feel free to ask any questions you may have.

    I'm in a tough situation that I could definitely use advice on. I'm 21 and moved to the east coast for college (originally from California). I've met a girl who I've been with for over 2 years and I'm not sure I want to be with her for the long run but I'm very attached to her. The reason is, I'm a very healthy person and she isn't. She keeps gaining weight and refuses to eat healthier and she does not exercise (no she is not pregnant, she's been tested). Because of this I have a problem staying in shape since I live with her and live her lifestyle. I'm also fearing that if we have kids, due to her unhealthy lifestyle she may not be alive and then leave me having to raise kids on my own, not fair to the kids...My family is all on the west coast so I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of stuff, my sister has 3 kids all of which I see 3-4 days a year and I miss my them and the rest of my family. But I have a full-time job, an apartment with a lease that doesn't expire until next February and a dog. I don't feel I should leave because I can't just leave the dog with the girl. It's her dog that I bought for her but i've became more attached.

    I've tried to explain this the best I could, if I've left something out I have no problem answering it, just feel free to ask. Also thank you for your time, advice is definitely appreciated it.

  • Welcome to A2A, wcstyle!

    I assume you don't think you can influence your girlfriend to healthier habits. It's unlikely she will die so young that kids will be left orphaned, but she may not get out of her chair as much for them as the average woman would.

    It's not a decision anyone else can make for you, and it's a difficult one. Even though there are aspects of her that you don't like, you have to remember that no-one is perfect or a perfect match, and there are other aspects that you do like.

    But if you do make the decision to leave, it would be better to leave earlier than later. The longer you stay, the more used to the domestic life you'll be, and the harder the wrench.

  • I dunno it depends on just how unhealthy she is.

    I have known some people who I couldn't help but, think "ugh she will die an early death".

    I actually have an over sized aunt.. who was told she shouldn't even have children she was that over weight \:\( she did anyway.. I just hope they end up healthier then she is.

    This cut is constantly bleeding
    But I know that I am wrong
    Lay your head down so you don't remember
    Everything you are and everythin...


  • First off, i'm very very proud of you to be thinking far out into the future, (married life, kids...etc)

    You were thinking about how married life would be like, your family, the kids...etc.
    Not only is it a bit blurry, it also doesn't seem very positive.

    My suggestion is to end it.
    As hard as it may be, unless she miraculously cleans up her act within the next hour, it's going to be worth it.

    Think about it.
    She doesn't change. You two are married. With kids. The kids will be influenced by her. They will want to eat junk food and McDonalds everyday, just like their mother. And when you tell them not to, their response? "But mommy does it too".
    How will you reply to that?

    Your life will be living hell.
    I guarantee you that.
    So either you end it now, and spare the pain in the future, or you tough it out now only to have it become unbearable in the future.

    PS. As for the dog, you DID buy it for HER. So technically, it's hers. And unless she's willing to give it back to you, you're just going to have to leave it behind. I know you're worried that she may not take good care of it and whatnot, but that's partly your fault too, for buying her to dog when you knew what she was like. Anyway. What's done is done.

    In the end, you can always get another dog and girlfriend, but you can't get another life.
    You have one shot at life.
    Make it worthwhile.
    Don't waste time working out something that can't be worked out.
    Next thing you know, you'll be an old man, and dating/marriage is out of the question.

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