until yesterday! And we only went out for three days -- a world record!, heh.
Sigh, I don't know anymore. Sorry if I'm annoying anyone with my guy problems. I don't mean to write about almost everything, but I guess this one's kinda big to me, and I don't know what to think about it; and sorry again, if this might be too long of a post.
I mean, I finally found a really good guy, rather he found me, who finally hasn't used me or tried to use me like every guy I have met before him, but then things just went too fast I guess.
My one friend says we took things too fast and should have just hung out as friends a bit longer, or dated longer. But I told her I don't really know how dating works and that it would just drive me nuts to hang out with a guy as more than friends for a really long time because it would feel so much like bf/gf anyway.
No, I have not done anything major with him. I was shocked to find out that he's still a virgin, because I told him every guy I have met so far, isn't, besides him, and he's 20, I'm 21, and after he broke up with me, he still is a virgin! This didn't bother me, but I'm glad he is a virgin.
He told me he's never had a girlfriend. It's just that he never found anyone decent to date or anyone he liked to date. Even his friends tried to set him up, but girls who liked him, he didn't like back...just wouldn't go out with anybody, he said. I guess I can relate because back then, I had only gone out with two people, just to have boyfriends and they weren't really that great. I guess I kinda regret that now. He's messed around with people obviously, but is still a virgin.
To think that within the two weeks, if we had really done it, I'm sure it would have made things a lot worse than they are. I was also shocked that while we were hanging out, he was the one that suggested sex, but he said we didn't have to do it if I didn't want to. And I just wanted to take things a lot slower with him and not let him regret losing it to me or something.
Well, my previous post that I posted was that I met a guy from the Internet who works at the same campus as me, etc.
Since then, we've been hanging out for the past two weeks pretty much every day. Last Sunday, he finally asked me out. But I told him, that he didn't have to ask me out if he didn't want to at that point and we could still just hang out as friends, he still asked me anyway and I said yes. At the time, I thought I just wanted a boyfriend, ya know? since I haven't had one since 5 years ago! But when I started to hang out with him even more, I grew to like him and appreciate that someone cared about me like that and would not just use me.
Then yesterday was just a huge bombshell.
And too much of a coincidence.
How funny is it that he broke up with me the day before he would leave for this 2day beach party trip that his friend is having -- all of them would be staying in a hotel, 7 people? I finally found out who would be going and he told me that it would be the dude who's throwing it, his gf, the guy I have been talking about, his bro, his bro's gf, and two or three other girls. I don't know if those other girls are single, or if they're around his age. I just really thought it was too much of a coincidence.
Before he broke up with me, I was talking to my friend Rachel about how he's been acting kind of weird the night before and yesterday by not usually messaging me or anything. She told me that I was stupid to think he would want to break up with me just because he didn't get online last night or do what he usually does and talk to me.
I mean, yesterday he didn't get online at all or leave me messages or anything, like he usually did for the past two weeks every single day. I don't even have time to IM him first, but I like how he contacts me first, though.
I told her that I have a feeling in the back of my head that he's going to break up with me. She said that I'm always paranoid and am always thinking too much and that he isn't going to and I should just wait it out before I say anything.
Then, he called me for lunch yesterday and I was relieved and she was relieved, too. But I told him I couldn't have lunch since I already ate with Rachel. That made the feeling of him about to break up with me go away, but then at night after we had hung out for a while, that's when it happened. I guess I was right all along.
Yesterday, we played basketball and tennis. I had a really great time. I knew something was about to happen, though, because of the way he's been acting for even only one day.
Since I first really started hanging out with him, I don't think there's been a day that went by I haven't seen him. He said he didn't have a problem with anything I did or didn't do.
And he didn't mean to put it as, "a waste of time," and it came out wrong, but he said he would rather us break up now than a month later when things would be a lot worse. Then I told him, how do you know it will be a lot worse? You don't know that.
He also told me that no one has ever paid attention to him like I have and that he has liked people who didn't like him back as well or that led him on. That we have never had a serious conversation or anything and we're just always trying to find something to do. He says I'm not his type and I was thinking wtf. Well he remembers me saying that I'm only interested in white guys, I'm Asian. I don't know, I guess I'm just not attracted to anyone else but white guys. It's not that I'm racist, because I have friends from lots of different backgrounds, I just don't know about going out with them at all. I don't know why that is. Then he says, he guesses his type is white girls. Psht.
He views me as a good friend and doesn't have very many good friends and would still like to hang out with me now and during the school year, too.
I told him I have never been friends with any of my ex's because usually they're the ones that fuck things up to try and be friends or just don't want to be friends.
I feel like I could still be friends with this guy. He says he knows that I have planned to hang out with him during the school year and we still can, but I don't know.
I mean, I just really think it's too much of a coincidence that he breaks up with me right before this two day vacation. I guess he thinks he might cheat on me or something, he never told me this, but I get the feeling. And he's just not telling me. I told him how people always try to lie to me, and that I always find out one way or another, given time. And maybe he's just using what he told me as an excuse. I also told him, that all, if not all, then MOST men are cheaters, at least from what I have experienced and have seen as well through other people's relationships.
Well, when we were hanging out in the computer lab on campus, he asked me what he should put his status as on this online thing. I told him he could put whatever he wanted to and whatever he feels best. If it was single fine, but then he chose the option to "It's complicated," and I don't know what that means, since he did say "I'm not his type" earlier. I know it's just an online site thing, but still, I dunno. Later on when I got home, I saw he put his status as he feels like an f'ing asshole. I guess that comforted me some, though I wish it didn't have to be this way.
What if when he comes back, he'll want to get back together again? Even though during this trip, we're not exactly together, I still feel as if he'll cheat on me, if he even does or doesn't do anything with those girls.
I also told him, everything I have ever predicted came out to be 100% true. My instincts and predictions have never failed me.
I just didn't want to listen to them, I guess. He says, maybe they came out to be true because I made it that way, but then I said, this time, I didn't do anything at all, I just waited and still it happened, as was the case for all the other situations that I have predicted. It's the little things people do that make me question everything.
I guess I'm troubled by...I don't know if I want to hang out with him still and be friends, or if it came to the case that we would get back together again, if I want to take him back; on the count of if he does do anything with those girls at the 2 day beach party thing; still even though we're broken up now, but not all the way, it still feels he'd be cheating on me if he did anything. I know he is a really good guy, at this point anyway.
He says he doesn't want to hurt me, but still, I felt kinda hurt that he didn't even give this a chance, and how do people know it's a waste of time or nothing is going to to happen just 3 days into the relationship? We hung out as friends for like a week and a half first, didn't just go out as soon as we met each other.
I was just thinking wow...he's really crying about this and I'm just sitting here not knowing what to think. I did cry a little, but not as much as he did...to the point where he had to blow his nose a lot, heh. I told him I don't say anything what's on my mind anymore because in the past, no one has ever listened anyway, so what's the point in saying what I think, right?
I guess the one thing I wish I would have told him, that when he told me no one has ever paid attention to him like I have, romantically, I wish I would have told him that no one has ever paid attention to ME like he has and not just use me for a booty call or anything and that's what I really liked about him.
I told him, that I'm not the type of girl to force things or try to contact the guy by keep on calling and calling if he doesn't answer until I reach him. I just let things happen.
Thanks for taking the time to read this if you do and for reading my venting.
I have never seen a guy seriously cry...
until yesterday! And we only went out for three days -- a world record!, heh.
lol, ya i kinda figured it would be too long. ok to make the long story short...we only have been hanging out for two weeks, and we kinda know each other ((but during the two weeks, it has been pretty much every single day for a long period of time, too))
and then we started going out the second week, and broke up yesterday. i couldn't help but think it was because of the beach party he's going to and he might get with someone there and he says he just doesn't want to hurt me, even though he says he doesn't feel anything with me right now -- tho that may be a reason, too, but i think he didn't really give it a chance.
he really is a good guy and hasn't used me at all for anything but having a fun time hanging out. what i'm asking is, should i be his friend or try to be his friend because he said he really loves hanging out with me, he just doesn't know about going out with me anymore is all, plus i have never been friends with any of my exes.
and i was confused because how can u even tell if you don't have feelings for someone for only three days? and also, because i really think he might get with someone else at this beach party, too since there will be alcohol and other girls involved and i don't know if that should play a factor or not in me wanting to try to be friends longer first...
p.s. imagine if i typed all of that like the funny link u posted about the break up letter, eh? hehe.
Originally Posted By: indygirlwhat i'm asking is, should i be his friend or try to be his friend because he said he really loves hanging out with me, he just doesn't know about going out with me anymore is all, plus i have never been friends with any of my exes.
That's really up to you honey. It's up to how you truly feel.Originally Posted By: indygirland i was confused because how can u even tell if you don't have feelings for someone for only three days? and also, because i really think he might get with someone else at this beach party, too since there will be alcohol and other girls involved and i don't know if that should play a factor or not in me wanting to try to be friends longer first.
You're either interested in a person or not. If he says you're not his type, then sorry but you just have to accept it. If there's no attraction on a relationship level, then there's no point in moving forward.
<span style='font-size: 14pt'><span style='font-family: Times New Roman'><span style="color: #3333FF">No matter how gifted, you alone can not chang...
I read some of your first post. >.< however, I got the idea you way over analyze later on.
I would highly suggest taking a step back. Breathing. And just play it with your gut feeling.
This cut is constantly bleeding
But I know that I am wrong
Lay your head down so you don't remember
Everything you are and everythin...
lol, maybe I am over analyzing on some parts like if he might get with a girl today; i hope i am wrong about this. well, i'll find out eventually.
yesterday when we were talking, he said he would call me today and i told him he didn't have to call me if he felt obligated to, only call me if he wanted to. he also noticed that i seemed angry about something when we went shopping and asked why i was angry but i didn't tell him. and then he asked if i was mad about it and i told him it doesn't matter if i'm mad or not, he already told me about what he's thinking and i can't change what he thinks...and i really don't know why people try to change or control others, that's what drives them away so i'm not gonna be like that.
well, every time he says he's gonna call me, he always does. i don't think he's in it for the booty because all we have done is pretty much make-out a lot and he just finger me (sorry if this is tmi, but that's all we did). and we also mostly hang out, too. we've gone to the fair like three different days, we've been putt-putting, bowling, played tennis and basketball, out-to-eat, dinners, seen like 3 movies, took walks around the lake and just sat 'n talked pretty much.
for some reason, it's odd that when he called, i could talk to him as if he's just a friend and that none of this happened. whenever we hung out though, it always felt like more than bf/gf even before we started going out is all i'm sayin', heh.
yeah, i have been trying not to get too attached, which is why i don't know if i can hang out as friends because when we went on a walk around the lake yesterday, i couldn't help but want to hold his hand, but i definitely held back. i don't know how guys do it. it just really confuses me is all how i can talk to him like a friend, too. he does seem like a good friend, though.
i was just shocked that he broke up with me after only 3 days because the day before, we were always holding hands and all that stuff like we weren't gonna break up or anything. it's just weird. i guess.
Seriously, shorter posts would help everyone help you
Or simply make it harder for people to understand the whole situation. Although, putting a clear question would also have helped in the first post.
lol yea i can't really get everything out in shorter posts without leaving something out, but the reason for this post is just a little venting i guess and i don't know how dating works. i guess i'm just asking if i dunno i can be friends with him or not or should i be friends with him, even though he is the only good guy i have met out of all the others i have encountered, because i hope i won't let my feelings get in the way of being friends or something.
i suck at dating and i just call it hanging out i dunno. i only know the bf/gf, if that makes any sense, heh.
maybe u could say your question and then under it rant or explaine the situation (or reason for the question) that way people that don't want to read long posts (i relly don't understand that tho... i mean u broke it up and all..but..some people don't like reading alot i guess.) but yea.. that way the question is clearer and those that don;t want to read a lot can just read the point (i guess) and then the ones that like too or want to read a long past can.
hanging out with some one isn't the same as dating them. (to me)
hehe yea i get it. it's just so strange that he still likes to call me and talk too. i think i'll give him a chance to be friends and see what happens when we hang out more i suppose. =p looks like he's trying to be friends, too.
ya, i'm not sure why he never thought of inviting me because basically whenever he could or wanted to, he always called me, lol. it's alright, though. we have been hanging out every day since we have met so i don't like to crowd with his friends.
i'm relieved that i'm under the impression that he didn't get with anyone because they only had two really big beds for seven people, and well...he was the only one that got the floor, lol, although he says he probably would have preferred it that way anyway.
i even asked him before all this if it was because i was clingy, too, and he said it's nothing i did or didn't do, just him still trying to figure things out i suppose. =p
Quote:I'm sure that we'd have fun talking too...
haha, one of my friends say that i talk too much sometimes. but for me, it depends on the person. i'm not sure why i can talk a lot to some people and then not talk at all to others.
i guess i'm not used to being friends with someone after i have been involved as more than friends with him, or still hanging out with him at least, this is definitely new to me. i hope i don't screw this one up! lol.
we've decided that every day after work, or whenever he wants to, we're gonna play tennis and/or basketball because i have always wanted to play, it's just that i have never found someone for a regular schedule. a work out buddy, perhaps. yea.
yep, i do have a lot of fun when we hang out.
wow, so i guess things worked themselves out yesterday! i was happy he finally came around and told me the reason why he wanted to break up with me then was because he never wanted to hurt me and thought it would be better if it was sooner than later and he felt really really bad for what he had said the other day. i didn't know how to go about that but say, if those things he said the other day weren't true, then it didn't matter to me. but i kept thinking how does he know it's gonna be badly in a month or not if we even are still something then, so we're working things out again because he said he really does like me, but he just doesn't want to hurt me.
it's ridiculous at how much this guy and i have in common, lol. i don't like electrical engineering like he does, but we both like computers a lot, video games, too, i don't play as much as he does though, as well as basketball, tennis, and we both had a similar high school experience and how people have treated us.
he also said he was afraid about what his friends might think of me but then i told him, i don't really care what they think because they don't know me like he does, heh.