Virgin at 34 ?

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Ha ! Im thirty four and I have never even held a girls hand.Damn ...just imagine that guys !!! You lucky bastards don't know what you got ! I guess you might say I have a few issues that have kept me from leading a normal life. My father tought me what a 'hard on' was when I was around ten years old by having me grab his erect penis one day. I didn't realize what he was doing next to me. I guess he was beating off. In high school, I had horrible acne and actually realized that I was ugly to other people even without the acne. I have scholiosis in my neck ( twisted and fused vertebrae ) a large nose and protruding ears. Add to this the fact that I have a sort of social phobia and you might understand. I would even eat lunch behind the school away from the other kids. Im currently 34 and only 5"6" and weigh in at an anerexic 124 lbs. I don't eat a lot. I guess it might be self punishment. I am so SO very envious of all of you here that have had what I feel like I have been cheated out of in life. And you know what - there is no going back and starting life now. It's gone its over. I'm just waiting to die now. I hang on for my family. I have my good days when I'm very happy, but it is balanced by the bad ones when I want to die. ( Drowning with tied on weights. The worst part of suicide is when you are discovered by your family. I just want to disappear.) I have a fellow that I know that is a quadraplalegic. Eventhough he paralized from the neck down, he has a daughter. ( He had a relationship with the nurse ) Imagine that ! Even this guy is getting laid !He has tried to convince me to hire a hooker,but I guess I'm holding out on the hope that there really is someone for me. Perhaps I'm just too arrogant to accept reality and give in to it. So I just wanted to tell all of you young kids to enjoy your youth while it is still there. Live every day as if it was your last. One day you'll wake up and realize that you too are old. When you are young, time seems to take on a different rythmn than it does as you grow older. As you age, time gets faster. Five years seems to go by in the span of what used to seem like a year. When you are finally old, it really sucks because eventhough you feel like a young person ( and percieve yourself that way )young people see you as just 'old'. The old saying that "you are as old as you feel" is bullshit. It is only in your mind that that works. Get out there and dance. Make a fool of yourselves and enjoy every minute of it. You only get one shot at all of this. The next day you'll wake up old. About this site here : Is that penis length info for real ? Cmon. I remember cowering in gym class feeling 'tiny' next to the other kids. You mean to tell me they were just 'showwers' ? Anyways, this info is of no value to me anyways, because it doesn't stay up at all. It's like watching a wilting plant. I can remember when I was young the thing poking up at a 45* angle .... but now it mostly is the opposite. ( 45* down ) And without stimulation it just says "fuck you - I'm tired " and drops like a lead zeppelin. Is it my age ( That sucks ) Is it my antidepressants ( also sucks ) or is it my low blood pressure / hypoglycemia ... or a combination of all of these ? What does it matter anyways ?I'm apparently never going to use the thing anyways. You people are so lucky to have your youth. Treasure it !

You are not alone my friend, I am almost 19 and, like you, haven't even held a girls hand. I fear everyday that I will be alone for the rest of my life. Makes you think if some people were just never meant to have a partner in life.

Becareful My friend.

I have gone so far as to make out with a girl. I'm 19 and a virgin.

the one girl I actually made out with I wish I never even knew.

I have held hands with another girl who was leading me on.

I recently had a girlfriend with a number of issues.

Its easy to say "oh your so lucky to have held hands" but, everything comes at a cost. Others in here will debate this until the day they and I die. However, I firmly believe everything in life comes with a cost. To gain anything You have to give up something of equal value. I think the idea that "matter can not be created or destroyed only change forms" is very very true not just for physical items but, for emotional and mental ordeals as well.

I am detesting the way your looking at life as if its already over. You really need to work on self esteem issues.

thats really sad i almost started crying when i read this post like why are you aneroxice do u not like to eat and y r u not trying to find a girlfriend lol no offense but u should be trying and maybe you should eat like 10x a day and maybe that would help u gain weight

There are many worse things that not ever have had sex.> I hang on for my familyYou obviously care about your family to some degree to say that. I could make a whole long post about how lucky you are to have had an at least semi-friendly family. I haven't been laid either, nor will I probably ever get laid, but if I at least had a nice family it wouldn't seem so bad.You are so lucky to have something. Treasure it!

You young whippersnapper, Punishedbygod! Old, pah! You're 17 years younger than I am.What antidepressant are you on? It's not working well enough, and it may be contributing to your lack of hardness. (And the depression adds to it.) It should be possible to treat your social phobia, too.

"So I just wanted to tell all of you young kids to enjoy your youth while it is still there.Live every day as if it was your last. One day you'll wake up and realize that you too are old."Take your own advice my friend. Your not old. Hell your just a year older than me. One day when your 44, 54, 64 your going to be saying, "if I only realized how young I was at 34 I would have be doing..." Go out seize what life you can.As for your hard-on problems I can tell you, from experience, it more than likely your meds combined with, if not totally, your general state of depression. Try some new meds talk to your doc about your problems and start down a different path.If it's sex you want, personally, I think the hooker's a good idea. Just pay up for an escort that's healthy and that gets regular check ups and has a clean bill of health. They look a hell of lot better than the street ho's anyway. Ya gotta pay but your getting something a hell of lot better.I have a friend that goes out with escorts (hookers) exclusively just because he doesn't want the entanglements and the "drama" (his words not mine) that women bring to a relationship. I don't know if that will ultimately make him happy in the end but he's happy now and that's all he's fucked for the past 10 or so years, he's 37. I'm sure that sex without love is lacking in some deeper connections but like Woody Allen said, "Sure sex without love is an empty experience but as experiences go it a pretty good one." There's a lot of people who hook-up for one night stands that seam to get something out of it.It's just food for thought. So think about it.

Ho w do I delete this post ? Sex is not the main thing im after. I want someone that loves me. If I just wanted sex, I could be doing that right now. I wish i could find someone that actually needs me as much as i need themWhy can i edit this but not edit the main post ?

I don't understand. You don't like the way the thread is going or you're embarrased by it? You want me to delete the entire thread?You only have 1 hour or so to edit things.

Originally Posted By: sdpI don't understand. You don't like the way the thread is going or you're embarrased by it? You want me to delete the entire thread?You only have 1 hour or so to edit things. No. It's just so ... bitch and moan. Wha whaa oh my life is so bad. BS I really don't see what good that keeping a post like this could have for people. If anything, it might do more harm than good. When you are down, it does not mnatter at all what people say avbout "you dont know how good you really have it. " Or look on the bright side sort of thing. When you are down that is the last thing you want to hear. aCTually it really adds to your depression becaues you start to feel guilty too. ( but you dont actually look at the other peolple that are worse off than you and say " yah they're right> "

The only good thing that i can think of out of what i said is the advice about planning a suicide so that your family does not find your body. I have known of at leat four or five people that killed themselves. Every single one of them were found by a family member - mostly the child or parent. Wheh that happens, you kill a part of them too. Their lives are never the same again. You destroy yourself and are gone - to hell or wherever that you feel that you go when you die - but it is the ones that you leave behind that must live with your pain for the rest of their lives. You just transfer your suffering to them. I wouldn't want to punish someone else for what i have done to my own life. I created my own problem ( and i can fix it too right ? ) ( Easier said than done ) I hate myself for what i alone have done to myself. I feel like there are two of me in this body. I must be bipolar because I can just snap at the slightet 'nothing'. I can be giddy and laughing out loud. Then all of a sudden, something trivial happens and BAM ! I'm wanting to drive into a brick wall at high speed.

Does anyone else find this a bit peculiar?

I saw a good movie called " What Dreams may Come " with Robbin Williams. ( Not to be confused with " Wet Dreams may Cum " ) Any ways, the movie version of hell is the way that I believe it to be. There is no judging 'god' that sends you to a 'lake of fire'. You create your own destiny by your actions ( Is this something like Karma ? ) You just drift around as a ghost - lost in your own world - unable to speak to those around you. Alone for what seems an eternity. ( Or as long as you continue to create your own misery ) I imagine I'll end up like that someday.

Originally Posted By: ClassyBlackWoman

Does anyone else find this a bit peculiar?

Peculiar - as in wierd, strange, odd ?

Yeah I guess it is. That is one of the reasons that I don't think it belongs here in this forum.
( But this is the mental health section isn't it ? )

Quote:

You create your own destiny by your actions ( Is this something like Karma ? )

Pretty much. Maybe we can get a buddist in here to talk about the quite literal version. (I think hindu's believe in karma as well.. maybe if we have a hindu they could talk about it too..).

However, my understanding of karma is that your actions immediately affect you from the second you do them (or think about doing them) and the negative energy sorta "echo's" The negative energy is more or less tied to you.

Buddist (to my knowledge) believe that if you die with good karma you will be reborn higher in life. Good karma allows you to rise up and eventually reach nirvana. while bad karma weighs your soul down forcing you to go lower in life.

Not as sure about the hindu version of karma however, I'm sure its probably some what similar.

Originally Posted By: ClassyBlackWomanDoes anyone else find this a bit peculiar? No.

I believe that there is some one out there for everyone, but it is up to us to find it. There is a better chance of that if you can get into a healthy place with YOURSELF. Have you tried counseling? Confidence is a huge part of finding that someone.Plus if there is sexual abuse in your history, it can make it scary to go forward with some one. This as well needs to be dealt with.

You didn't ask to be ugly, or full of pimples or scoleosis on your neck, so relax. Many people have what you have, along with sociophobia. You need not be so hard on yourself. I'm always thinking about ugly people in this society and how hard it is to be "perceived" as ugly, and the only thing that can effectively counteract this is to have self confidence in EVERYTHING you do. Don't feel like a victim, and think you're being punished. You have to get that outta your head once and for all. Babies born with defects, (like myself, open heart surgery at 4 years old) what did THEY do to desrve that? NOTHING. I don't feel like a victim at all, nor do I feel I did anything to deserve a ventricular septal defect at that age. But life has had many twists and turns for me, and EVRYTHING bad that has happenned to me, in the long run, ended up being a true blessing. My lack of social skills; I attribute never having had a Sexually Transmitted Disease to that . My heart problem; I attribute my martial arts training to wanting to live a healthier lifestyle. Almost being killed numerous times and narrowly escaping death in falls, muggings, and even heart surgery, I attribute those things to my lack of fearing death, welcoming it, and living life relatively stress free. So it's a matter of perception, you could sit and dwell on your virginity and uglyness, and eventually succumb to your depression, or you could take a 180 degree turn, and use yang when you are dealt yin. It's all relative, my friend.

Quote: and use yang when you are dealt yinfelt the need to compliment this quote.People who go threw bad times are ultimately superior."normal people" can't handle pressure or stress. People who have had things happen tend to know what real problems are vs minor little issues and can handle any situation in the long run way better.

Thanks man. The "living through it" part really isnt as easy as I just made it sound, but after all's said and done, It makes one happy to be able to share life experiences with others with the hope it can help them.