How To Be A Good Christian Wife

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(Just to clarify, this was an actual article.)How To Be A Good Christian Wifeby Annie Angel (C) 2006A couple years ago I was bombarded with emails asking me how to please both Jesus and your Husband. I came up with a list for these ladies and it seemed to help.I've re-written the list and I hope it helps as many women reading this as it has helped in the past.1. Always be up before your Husband in the morning so you can have his paper and his breakfast ready for him when he wakes. Although it is the morning, there is no need to be slovenly, always make sure you are showered and dressed with your hair fixed and your make-up on. ALWAYS serve fresh orange juice. Only whores use frozen.2. DO NOT sit down at breakfast. Your Husband will be trying to read the morning paper and the sound of your chair scraping on the floor will be a distraction to him as you get up and down to fetch him more biscuits or find his briefcase for him.3. DO NOT be a clingy wife! Your Husband has a lot on his mind in the morning, planning out his busy day. Do not try to engage him in conversation about what your plans for the day are or other trivial matters. Always walk him to the door. Make sure to carry with you any of the things he has forgetton so he doesn't need to go back for them. Offer yourself for a kiss, but if he is too busy to notice DO NOT POUT. He has a lot of responsibility and the morning is not the time for feminine hysterics.4. DO NOT CALL YOUR HUSBAND AT WORK. Nothing will distract him from his responsibilities at work faster than trying to deal with yours as well. It can wait. In the case of an actual emergency, of course, calling him at work is necessary. PMS induced crying jags are not emergencies.5. Spend your day cooking and cleaning. There is no excuse for anything other than a spotless house. Filth is for pigs not humans and cleaning top to bottom everyday is a good use of your time as well as good exercise. Bake lots of cookies and cakes and treats. ALWAYS REMEMBER a fat Husband is a faithful Husband.6. When your Husband gets home from work, do not jump him with problems you've had during the day, or questions about his day. He needs time to relax and wind down. Make sure the TV remote is next to his chair and the batteries are fresh. Once he walks in the door, ladies...turn OFF the soaps and talk shows.7. Have a snack ready for him to eat as you finish dinner. If he is not happy with your choice of snack DO NOT POUT, it's your fault. He's had a busy day and he's not psychic. Replace the snack immediately with what he wants.8. Dinner should be more formal than breakfast. At this meal you may be seated, and allow him to serve himself from the table. Of course if he wants hotter gravy or something from the kitchen, you need to be up and gone for it with a smile. DO NOT PIG OUT. Always leave the table a little bit hungry to maintain both your figure and your dignity.9. After dinner you may begin clearing the table as he waits for you to bring his dessert. He will be in a state of relaxation by this point and feel contented. If he aims a playful swipe at your backside during the clearing, respond with an "oh you!", smile and continue to the kitchen to get his dessert.10. When choosing a dessert, remember a fat man is a faithful man and a full man falls asleep fast. Use lots of rich icings and creamy fillings.11. Do not complain or question if your Husband has plans for after dinner. He has the right to a private life. Never call to check up on him. Use your free time to bake more, or to do his laundry.12. Always go to bed before your Husband. He deserves a quiet time to reflect on his day and to plan for tomorrow. If he wakes you for sex when he comes to bed, give in graciously.13. Never initiate sex yourself. Only whores initiate sex.So ladies, print this out and keep it somewhere where you can see it daily. Not only will your Husband be much happier but so will you.And of course, you will be pleasing Jesus and isn't that what it's all about?

...the fuck?Wow. Some people will wriet anything. And I wonder why they capitalize the word, "husband" every time it's been used. Husbands are not the equivalent to "God."

It depends on how highly you think of god...

Originally Posted By: katonsuiiton

...the fuck?

Wow. Some people will wriet anything. And I wonder why they capitalize the word, "husband" every time it's been used. Husbands are not the equivalent to "God."

Settle down.
It's called satire.
Enjoy it.

Satire? If only!Sadly, this woman is serious.http://bloggingpoints.blogspot.com/2006/04/how-to-be-good-christian-wife.html

I will lay a very large sum of money that this is satire.It's very much in the mould of How to Be a Good Wife with a touch of Advice to Young Brides.

You should read the comments in the link I gave. She seems to very strongly defend her views, a good satirist would let it go after a certain point.

Sometimes the character is part of the satire. Looking at her profile I would say that was so in this case."PMS induced crying jags are not emergencies" has got to be written by a man.

It may seem like satire now, but this (or a very similar version of this) was offered as advice to ALL (not just Christian) women back in the 50's. It came out of a women's magazine...don't remember which one.

BULL SHNAP! lol she sounds like one of those delirious pilgrims.

Fuck that shit my husband can learn to fend for himself and get his own damn snack ahahaha.

Quiet woman, go make me some tea!

lmao!

"whistling tune remembered from childhood"And pour me up another pot of beans, and put another log on the fire, and come and tell me why your leavin' me...

sounds like a list of rules for wives back in the 18th or 19th century. (except to the references to phone calls and stuff like that. but you know what I mean)

thor, you are probably thinking of this one. It's fake - see here.Most things you read in those copied and recopied emails that your friends passed on to all their friends (and perhaps you passed on to your friends) are fiction. Yes, really. The heart-warming tales never happened. The horror reports are bogus. The quotes from people were never said. The news articles were never in any news. The statements of fact are false. Authors cited didn't write what they are said to have written. The virus warnings are hoaxes; just about all these emails are hoaxes.

Originally Posted By: leelee89Fuck that shit my husband can learn to fend for himself and get his own damn snack ahahaha. dang lol

Originally Posted By: Ineligiblethor, you are probably thinking of this one. It's fake - see here.Most things you read in those copied and recopied emails that your friends passed on to all their friends (and perhaps you passed on to your friends) are fiction. Yes, really. The heart-warming tales never happened. The horror reports are bogus. The quotes from people were never said. The news articles were never in any news. The statements of fact are false. Authors cited didn't write what they are said to have written. The virus warnings are hoaxes; just about all these emails are hoaxes. Nah...sometimes they did happen. I dismiss everything I get in email form simpley because I don't have the time to be bothered...not because I think they're all false. But if you really want to know the truth and not simpley be interested in dismissing things (so you don't have to pay any attention to them), you have to dig a little.This article rings too true about traditional women's roles to be so quickly dismissed as a hoax. It had to come from somewhere. After digging just a little I saw this:_______________________________________________________________Finally, one columnist for the Reno Gazette-Journal named Cory Farley, remembered the mockup as being circulated on college campuses in the early 1970's as a plea for women's equality (i.e. he saw it himself when he was attending college). So not only was it a mockup but was a scan of a zerox copy apparently. Cory kindly followed up on our phone call and informed me that a reader had informed him that the text came from a magazine in the 1880's. This is much more believable because things were quite different then. Obviously the line about the noise from "washers, dryers and vacuums" was added later (probably at the time of the mockup for college campuses). If you look closely at the scan, it repeats itself at that place. The author of the mockup obviously wanted to add that to make it look like it was from the 1950's however, was not aware of the fact that in 1955, most women did not have dryers! ________________________________________________________________From here: http://suewidemark.com/historyinfo/goodwife.htmSo it WAS originally from a magazine article...but from around 1880's instead of 1950's.bob just added the "Christian" part to stir up hate and discontent...as usual.

Sounds like a good woman to me.Maybe these links will help get the message across. Link 1 Link 2

Scotty... I'd hide if I was you...I have a good hiding spot in my house.