Ya this one aint about my girlfriend not sure if it belongs here but its about my dad...Tonight we talked for a while which we rarely do, he has trouble holding conversations for some reason. But anyways he started talking about getting old (hes gonna be 54 this November) and started talking about his youth and everything he cant do anymore, and as we talked i just saw pure sadness in his eyes.Like dreams he's had and he never accomplished. I asked him about what he plans for the future (eg retirement) and just found out he has ZERO money saved up for retirement. My mom and dad divorced umm... damn 16 years ago and hes only been with one women and that lasted a month. My family has always been middle class and but him as long as i remember would work really crappy jobs(well decent paying, just hard physical/mental work,,, well 4 in past 18 years, sense the city laid him off as a consular) But I'm making more money then him and he works so fucking hard for what he does when i don't have to do crap and i just feel SORRY for him.What can i do? Hes lonely (been so long its life for him, he doesn't see it anymore) He has zero plans for his future, and hates his job and can barely do it (hes working 12 hours a day 5 days a week!!)has anyone else gone thru this before??? i just dont understand...... he takes serious stuff like this like a grain of salt when i talk to him about it...
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My father....
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I have no good suggestions, but I sympathise. It's an age where you do start to realise that many dreams you had are never going to happen now, and you're getting to the point where it's hard to change (it's harder to learn new things, and much harder to get anyone to employ you). And you blame yourself for lack of drive - blame that cuts sharper because you know if you had pushed things more you would have achieved more and wouldn't be in the position you are now.And on top of that testosterone is falling, you feel more tired, can't perform as well, and get a low-grade depression.
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My dad's story has similarities to your dad's, but slightly different background. So I can sympathize with this situation.My dad suffered a paralyzing accident on a motorcycle when he was 18 (I was born when he was 17). So it happened when I was about 6 mo. old. He spent 8 mo. in a coma, and when he woke, he divorced my mom who'd been basically wiping his ass for 8 months. He said his new life would require him to go figure things out on his own. (He should have died, it caused him brain injury and his left elbow was dangling by threads of skin) He's been alone ever since, I'm 34 (+17 is...he's 51 years old now). He hasn't had a GF since, as far as I know. I feel sorry for him, but I also remember the choice he made. My mom then brought me to the USA when I was 5 and I grew up with no immediate family except her. What my dad did manage to do was still attend college in Philladelphia for computer science, and he still works in that field as a teacher, but he's always hoping to date cute girl students (adults) in his class who don't give him the time of day because he's a parapalegic. poor guy, we all go through it in our own way in this world. He seems happy with his low paying job, but deep down I don't think he is. still drinks and smokes pot (which probably aided his accident).Basically what I'm trying to say is that a person usually ends up where they are due to choices they made, and no one else. It doesnt make it easier though.
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"Basically what I'm trying to say is that a person usually ends up where they are due to choices they made, and no one else."I couldn't disagree with that more. I think life is far more a matter of chance than choice. We can make good and bad choices but where we get, by the choices we make, has far more to do with happen stance than with our ability to prevail in the face of unknown obstacles. Most the people on the face of this little blue marble will work diligently and hard their entire lives but chance, that delivers the rewards, will only smile on few of them. It can be frighting to think that life comes down to when and where and seconds and inches, but I think that's the way it is. ...hopefully I'm more wrong than right but I haven't ever seen any evidence to suggest that. All we can do is react and react in way that gives us the ability to move forward should the opportunity arise. As some one once said, attitude is the only card we have to play.
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Do you think he's actually depressed or was he just waxing melancholy. Was it a one time kind of "damn, shit didn't turn out the way I had hoped" thing or is his unhappiness sustained and ongoing? If it is ongoing is there any chance you could get your father in to see a therapist. They can't change they state of reality but medication could help change his outlook, if he was indeed diagnosed with depression and or low testosterone levels.
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I said "usually." Obviously a baby with SIDS didn't make any choices in life that led to his/her death.Goes back to my post, no need to re-explain.
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But it's the "usually" part I don't agree with. I think life is a little more random than that. I'm not talking about just the baby with SIDS but the fifty year old who's never be able to put back enough money for retirement, through no fault of his own. My contention is that most of life is a crap shout and you live by whatever role you get. The best you can do is be prepared to jump if opportunity ever present it's self. Hard work and forethought aren't necessarily going to get you anywhere, they just give you slightly better odds.
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But let's say you jump when you were supposed to duck? We don't really make choices in life, I will admit. They're made for us. What about instinct? Humans have the worst instinct, but animals can make split-second decisions without the "ability to think." Life or death decisions, at that. So what "control" do they have over themselves, without the ability to analyze, or resolve problems. Who makes choices for them? No one, they're pre programmed. Weather or not they survive an attack is a matter of destiny. I agree that hard work might not get you anywhere, where as the lazy person can become rich. And everything seems very random, but it still falls within the scheme of life. It's not like a baby will be born tomorrow with wings and from then on, we'll all be flying.
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I guess what you call destiny I call circumstance. I see no preordained order in being an inch to close or an inch to far, being a bit to slow or a bit to fast. I see those things as circumstances that have been developed for the most part by chance. I think the instinct to react, often has little to do with were you or an animal finds itself.It reminds me of an old Calvin & Hobbs cartoon. Calvin is pontificating on how life is a matter of being in the right place at the right time. To which Hobbs gives some sage advice that Calvin dismisses with the reply "No, since you never know when the right time will be, I figure, the thing to do is find the right place and just hang out there 'till the right time comes along." Then in the next frame Calvin adds, "And if the right place is in front of the drug store, we can read comics while we wait."I think most people in society use the Calvin approach, they just don't know it. They get a comfy job and sit and wait for someone to retire or transfer and hope they get chosen for the upper management slot. Where I'm going with this I don't really know... but there it is.Yes, I admit, much of my life philosophy, even more than what is being discussed in this thread, is based on a cartoon boy and his tiger.
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HeHe, I used to love that cartoon. I heard the artist/creator of Calvin/Hobbes never gave his permission for his characters to be replicated, as in the calvin peeing on the Ford logo or the Chevy one. Yet it was widely replicated in those window stickers.
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That's true he has never accepted any licencing agreements and despises the use of his characters for bumper stickers and t-shirts.
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Originally Posted By: OldFolksDThey can't change they state of reality but medication could help change his outlook, if he was indeed diagnosed with depression and or low testosterone levels. I like this suggestion, I must have missed it.