Me again

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So it's me whining about shit again...What this time? I don't even know, just random shit...And just a note ahead of time: If anything, please just post that you at least read this or something, even if you don't care. It might make me feel something. Shit, even if you don't read it, just post that you did. It'll make me think you read it.As some of you know, I'm working two jobs now (at 2 Subway). So basically, I'm working anywhere from 12-15 horus these days, which is not really a problem (at least not yet) ... my problem with my first job (which I've been at for a year) is a few things:1) The erason I actually enjoyed my job here (can you imagine? Me enjoying something...? Me neither) because I actually was somebody. Even thoguh I was just that guy that caught on quick and can do pretty much everything at a fast speed, I was actually recognized. Well, that was up until recently.Whatever my problem is, I'm starting to let it show. Like just being pissed off or depressed about random shit, it starts to show (I used to just not let it show) and some people are starting to ask me what's wrong, which either makes me want to bitch at them, or sometimes I just feel like crying (even though I haven't done that... yet) for no reason. So it's kinda shitty, and I don't really enjoy work that much anymore.The other problem with that job is my manager... she was gone for the past two weekends, so she had me open the store and do pretty much EVERYTHING and just make sure everything gets done. Well, that's stressful of course and no one really listens to me ("she's gone, chill out and relax" is what they say) so I end up doing everything. My manager will never find out that I'm doing pretty much 250% work I'm supposed to do, and if she does, she'll just say something stupid like "Why didn't ask someone to help you?" or something. Oh, let's not forget to mention, I'm still only gettin $7.00 / hour even while opening the store and basically making sure everything is ok.2) Anyway, we got paid this past Friday, and I was counting on that paycheck to pay some of my bills. Well, turns out that the accoutnant who deals with the checks made a "mistake" (This is the 2nd mistake in the last month, btw) and messed up my paycheck. I've been trying to get my manager to give me the rest of my money... you know, the money I fucking earned? So far I know I'm still missing at least $40+ and I really need it, but the bitch is basically fighting me for it. I don't have time to deal with bullshit like that... why can't she just give me the money I earned? She knows I need the money for bills, yet she doesn't want to straight up give me all the money that I earned.So now I feel like I'm being treated like shit (yeah, this is after I basically saved her ass by doing everything) and she's basically even stealing MY money that I need for bills. what kinda bullshit is that... but I can't quit either (and I think she knows that) because I do need the money, and I feel like she's taking advantgae of me (just like everyone else in life, I shouldn't be surprised) ... the weird thing is I always (thought) I had a good relationship with my manager... guess not.3) So I don't even get all my money (I'm still trying) so that kinda screws me over... again. There's a whole bunch of bullshit about my paycheck at the 2nd job which I won't even get into, but apparently I'll be getting paid this Wednesday. If some other shit goes down and I still don't get paid (after being there for 2-3 weeks now), I'm just going to quit all my jobs and do nothing ever again. Tired of this bullshit.4) There's the fact that I have the worst memory ever. I do my best to live with it and not let it bother me, but there are times when I do have to face the facts: That I can't remember shit that happened withint he last few days/hours/minutes, and sometimes even a few seconds. What did I do yesterday, you ask? I couldn't tell you, I really couldn't. I know I worked, that's about it. Only reason I know that is because I work every single day.5) Tying in with all the above, it's obvious I have no fucking money, even after working TWO jobs for almost 3 weeks (how that happens, I don't fucking know). Since I moved out (almost 2 months ago), I have yet to buy any food at the grocery store to put in my place. The only food I eat these days is my free Subway sandwiches at both places. Which brings me to my next problem... tomorrow is my day off. For both jobs. What does that mean? That means I don't fucking eat.And the worst thing about that (right now) is that I never even got my free sandwich at my 2nd job (if you want to know how I worked 5 hours and never got a sandwich, see #4), so I'm even hungrier now than usual... last time I ate today was around 11 hours ago, and I won't be able to eat for another 37-38 hours or so... I shouldn't even have to explain why that sucks.I guess the only good thing going on right now is that I am able to pay my car insurance tomorrow (which I need to do), even though that kinda makes me waste more gas, but I have to pay it. Of course, that leaves me with less than a dollar to spend on anything else, but I guess $.50 is better than $0? (yeah, right)So I'm sure no one wants to read all that bullshit and whining, but I just felt like I had to get something off my chest, because I'm very close to just saying "fuck it all" and just dying somehow. Very close.

I'm speechless. I really, truly wish I had something better to say right now besides the usual "that sucks and I'm sorry" phrase. But please don't think about killing yourself. You give really good and wise words here and someone with that much insight is someone important.Damn it, I really wish I had better words at the moment, but I'm having a hard time finding them.

But please don't think about killing yourselfI think abuot it most days of the year. It's just that some days I can convince myself not too because of XYZ (insert random things that I usually make up to give me a reason to stay alive) ... and then there's days when I think "But it could all be over... if only I could just die" and today is obviously one of those days. Seriously, if I died right this second, would it be so bad? My manager(s) would probably get mad at me for not showing up to work, and my landlord might get pissed because I'm not paying rent and then realize I'm fucking dead and then she'll get mad that she has to move all my shit.> You give really good and wise words hereI wish I could give myself those same things, but I can't.> someone with that much insight is someone important.I have a lot of insight on a lot of things. Yeah, I may not know anything about Global Warming, and I may not understand what the big deal about this Vick guy is, but I don't want to know all that shit, it doesn't matter to me.> Damn it, I really wish I had better words at the momentIt's ok, it's not like I expected people to answer with a list of things I can do to make life better. So I guess I don't know why I posted all that shit (I guess it makes it easier for Pete, who would've had to listen to all that anyway if he was online) ....And then after all thsi shit, I come online and read about someone who had to deal without computer/internet for a week, and it just makes me even more depressed. I wish no computer/internet was the worst of my worries....

You know man, you make a lot of sense, a lot of the time.This is one of them. I feel ya, and would spot you a few bucks and make sure you got fed. But that's just the way we are.> I forget shit all teh time. Which regatta was what, circumstances to whatever race...But I'm talking about forgetting EVERYTHING, not just random shit. When I'm at work, let's just say I'll be re-filling meats or whatever... I go look up front what we need, and there are times when I forget what I need by the time Ig et to the cooler (how far is the cooler from the front area? about 5 feet) ... that would be an extreme case, but that's how easy I forget shit sometimes. I've apparently said things that I never remember saying directly afterwards, that's happened a lot actually... > The paychecks...your manager can't spot you the money from the company, or fix the accountant's problem.Yeah, she actually can. Last time this same "mistake" was made, I was missing close to 9 hours on my paycheck. She acknoledged the mistake (I made her print out the time sheet and I sat there with her and added it up together, and magically there were almost 9 hours on my paycheck) and paid me right away. So I know she can do things like that.The craziest thing about my current paycheck "mistake" is THE SAME DAY I got the check (she was leaving town that day), I called her up and said "When you get back can we fix this? I think my check is wrong" and without hesitation, she says "Oh yeah, I know it should be at least 67 hours instead of 57 horus (the paycheck says 57)".... so she already knew it was wrong, yet handed my my paycheck, didn't say ANYTHING about it being wrong, and just went on with her life.She obviously knew it was wrong, so she could've at least said "looks like the accountant made a mistake, but we'll take care of it when I get back cuz I have no time right now" and that would've been fine. What if I hadn't said anything? She would NOT have come back to me and said "oh, there was a mistake" she just wouldn't have said anything and enjoyed the extra money she made off me.> On recognition for what you did - it's all you baby.I just want her to know that her store would be a piece of shit without me. I don't even get a "Thank You" for ANYTHING I do... makes me feel like I'm doing it all for nothing. Oh yeah, when I DON'T do something that other people should have done, I usually get yelled at. Yeah.> People can, will, and do noticeExcept my manager doesn't notice things like that. She's not the brightest peson on the planet and pretty slow on catching up on things (whenever I talk to her, I have to tell her at least twice because the first time she won't know I'm talking to her, even though I'm standing right in front of her) ... so she won't know anything I do unless I tell her.> Just know that you rock and make that part of "your deal". you can be counted on, you know it, keep with itOk, I rock, that's cool. That doesn't help me to survive one bit, though. I'm still getting close to minimum wage pay for everything. But boy, I do rock.> Young man, you're not a quitter any more, and you can't just dump your job(s). Yeah, I know, but I just don't know if it's worth it sometimes. Adn I know I can't quit my jobs, I dunno why I said that.> More people than you realize are "just a paycheck away from homeless"I know, and that's the fucked up part. I'm one of so many that are trying to make it, but can't. Probably because I'm a loser for not having a High School Diploma. At least all those people who say drop-outs are losers can know that they were right. AT least someone's happy about all this.> You're just starting out, and you're doing just fineI wouldn't call this "fine". I'm very hjungry right now, I have over $200 in my pocket but I can't spend a single dime of it on food.> let this situation be one of learning that you need to always squirrel away a few bucks for times like this. ALWAYS squirrel away a few bucks from each paycheck.I've known about this lesson for a very long time. And I plan on doing just that... once I get some money for myself. Every single dollar I make is going towards bills, and you can ask Pete how well that's going. If I had some money to put away, I'd love to do that.> Stick it in an envelope and pyut it under the TV, in a book or something.lol, envelope? TV? Both cost money. And I'm definetely NOT putting any money in a book, because I will never see that money again until many years from now when I randomly go through some of my shit (in other words, I will forget about that money within hours)> and know that your manager(s) are your allies, not your enemies.Manager from my first job is now one of my enemies. I don't see any excuse for doing what she did (hand me a paycheck, knowing it was off by at least 10 hours, and say nothing about it). That's fucked up on so many levels, especially since she knows I need my money to survive.MAnager at 2nd place isn't so bad... he's only bitched at me about my shoes (told me that new shoes are only $10 at Wal-Mart.... yeah, if I had $10, I'd love to get some new shoes) and a few other things. The problem with that money is he can't find the tax papers I need to fill out in order for him to be able to write me a check.> I'm willing to bet that, if you ned to eat, your manager at Subway would be willing to hook you up. I'd be hella surprised if, after doing a face to face with him/her that you couldn't get a hook up on the food shot.1st Subway: They wouldn't give me ANYTHING. I've already tried... starting to see how cheap these people are? First they take my money, then they won't let me eat/live.2nd Subway: The one guy I work with a lot said if I ever wanted a foot long or something, I could just let him know. I don't work with him until Thursday again...Shit, I know how Subay operates, it's franchised, talk to the owner and get in good with him!> you have jobs, a place to sleep, and a car, you'll survive.Yeah, that's when I started appreciate the little things (like I mentioned in that other thread, whichever one it was)

StillSearching, you are handling this terribly hard time very well. You are hungry, you have money, but you know you need it for something else. That ability will serve you very well. Many people spend their money as soon as they get it on what they want at the time, and then go into debt. You plan. I'm proud of you.I sent you a PM as well.

I just wanted to let you know I read your post. And I think Helmsman is on the right track with his advice.

Sorry I don't have anything to add. Hang in there hun.

I really don't think the mob is the way to go...

SS, even tho you're really not fond of me and would rather I stay away, I read your post and I completely agree with Helms. You're doing a shit load better than I would in your position.

It was a joke, ya know, Goodfellas...

can't you get on welfare or something? or, you may not be religious or anything(im not sure), but im pretty sure most churches offer free meals for the needy, thats what my dad told my ex while we were still dating. he was in a similar situation, but he just simply wasted his money away.

Depending on where the OP lives, the Salvation Army may be a better bet; as they also help co-ordinate skills and job training, and assisted job finding. (Of course providing meals too)Religion, or lack thereof is not a requirement to get any sort of help or advice from them.

I wanted to let you know I read your post.I cannot really add too much more on what Helms said, he said pretty much everything I was thinking.I remember how rough it was when I moved out on my own. My job paid only $7.50 an hour and I had rent, car insurance, electric, gas, food etc I had to pay. Save-A-Lot was my grocery of choice simply because it was in my price range and Ramon Noodles were my friend. Hated the damned soup but it was SUPER cheap (it was something crazy like 10 for $1) and it filled my stomach.But trust me it eventually works out. It's not easy, but it does work out. I remember being really depressed when I was in your shoes, never having money to go out with my friends or buy new clothes or hell even buying REAL food for that matter. Just keeping working hard and you’ll succeed. Good luck to ya buddy

oh i know that, you dont need to be religious to seek help from a church. it was just an idea, trust me. my ex was the biggest heathen in the world. (in the churches eye) but i would have said the salvation army if i remembered it existed:P

Yeah man, I don't really know what to say. Do you smoke pot (memory related question)? You obviously rememember that your boss owes you money, and that you saved her ass during a tough time, so I can't agree with your statement about your memory. Are you assertive? meaning honest and straight forward? There's a difference between being assertive and agressive, and my thought is that if you look your boss STRAIGHT in the eye, and tell her basically what you said here without the cursing (Rudeness gets you nowhere), she'll get it. Maybe I'm wrong, but it would get things off your chest, and you'll feel way better even if you do end up at another job or whatever.You seem to remember details very good. I used to think I had a bad memory also. But other people were always surprised at little things I would remember that other people usually didn't. I had a different kind of memory that was keen on details, but sometimes I didn't remember WHO I was talking to about certain things, just WHAT we were talking about.Don't be so hard on yurself, and let it ride. Life isn't perfect, but neither is death. ALWAYS get things off your chest without being rude, and you'll see things start to change for the better. Just because you don't take any shit doesn't mean you're a bully, you're just standing up for yursef. Even if nothing comes from it, you'll feel better about yourself.

Pete: Thx, I guess it's good that I can have money and not buy any food... as of right now, I'm hungry as fuck, but I'll be able to eat in about... 19 hours or so, which is better than 37 (which it was last night..)

Dxlish: Thx

> What about getting in to construction?

Yeah, some guy I know does it and even though he's pretty far up there (he can tell people what to do or something), he only works about 3-4 days a week and brinsg home $500 a month. I doubt construction is fro me, though.. I'm a little skinny dude, plus I have diabetes, and doing hard work like construction would bring my blood sugar down pretty much everyday, and that's just alltogether too much work for someone like me.

Plus I like working at Subway, so I'd rather do something I somewhat enjoy (most of the time)

bob: Thx I guess

> can't you get on welfare or something?

I did go downtown to find out what things I qualify for. And basically they told me that their preferred clients are people like single parents and they asked me that unless I absolutely really needed it, I don't get welfare or whatever it is. So I just left because I know there are people who need it much more than me, so why take taht away from them?

> but im pretty sure most churches offer free meals for the needy

Meh, I would have no idea about how to get into all that. Plus, I don't like churches... at all. And I can usually eat (those free sandwwiches) on the days that I work, so this is not an everyday thing.. just on my days off (which is only 1 day a week).

> Depending on where the OP lives, the Salvation Army may be a better bet

Yes, someone sent me a PM with very helpful information about that... I didn't even know what the Salvation Army was but it's somethign I'll look into for sure

> My job paid only $7.50 an hour and I had rent, car insurance, electric, gas, food etc I had to pay

Thankfully, I found a cheap place to live (all thx to Pete, he found it for me, who knows where I'd be if Pete hadn't found this place) which includes ALL utilities for only $385 a month, so that's real cool.

> Save-A-Lot was my grocery of choice simply because it was in my price range

I'm thinking some place like Aldi or Wal-Mart is where I would find the cheapest things around here... of course, there's not a close one near my place, but oh well.

> But trust me it eventually works out

Yeah, that's what I'm hoping... starting next month it should be getting a LOT easier for me since I'll be getting a paycheck every week, plus a fat paycheck every two weeks (fat, as in $400 so nothing crazy) ... that covers all my expenses and leaves me with quite a bit of money for myself (of course, I owe the bank $200 and soem other people even more, but yeah)

> ever having money to go out with my friends or buy new clothes

Thank God I don't have to worry about either of those things. I guess having no friends can be good sometimes?

> Do you smoke pot (memory related question)?

I used to smoke every day. Haven't smoked that much recently (maybe 3 times in the last two weeks?) since I don't have any money to spend on it.

> You obviously rememember that your boss owes you money, and that you saved her ass during a tough time, so I can't agree with your statement about your memory.

Well, yeah, I dunno hwo that works either. For one, I'm guessing I remember those things because they are important for me to live (and I'm always thinking about how I'm going to pay the next bills, so yeah) ... but the things I forget are more "simple" things (like what I said, what I did yesterday, or how much money the customer just gave me, etc.)

> Are you assertive? meaning honest and straight forward?

I used to try to avoid all confrontation, period. But now that I'm on my own and I need the money she owes me, I am being all up in her face about it (but not being rude).

I went over there today (after I paid my car insurance... that feels good) and at first she told me "We'll handle it tomorrow when you come into work", so I left and was pissed that she was pushing it off another day. THen I went back in there and told her "Look, I just want to find out at least how much money you still owe me so I can at least figure my bills out" ... that's when she FINALLY brought out the time sheet and we went through it ... and she was flipping between the pages back and forth really fast (one week on one page, another week on the other ,that's why it's 2 pages) .. so that makes me think she was trying to hide something. So she was talking really fast, trying to explain to me what happened... she asid that usually she e-mails the accountant the hours and all that, but this time she did it on the phone, and the accountant must've heard it wrong (weird how that only happens with me, huh?) .... in the end she was saying that she didn't owe me anymore money and I was tired of the whole bullshit so I just said "fine, I'll see you tomorrow" and left.... scrwe it. She won.

> You seem to remember details very good

Funny you should mention THAT. And you seem to be like me in that way... somehow I can remember extreme details about random things, but like you said, I won't be able to tell you who or what we were talking about ....

For example, I can tell you right now how to get from my house to my school... back in 1st grade! I don't remember shit from that time period, but I can still tell you exactly how to get there. Weird shit.

I don't know why I'm making these long posts, so sorry about that..To summarize today (before I forget what I actually did): Slept in a little, drove to get my car insurance paid (after some bullshit there, it finally got paid, one less bill to worry about), went to work, dealt with the bullshit with my manager there, and came back home.Oh, and apparently I'm meeting some guy later on tonight (in about an hour) ... this guy is a regular customer at Job #1 and (I had forgotten this, until he called me a few minutes ago to make sure we were still on) he had talked to me about my job... he said the place he worked at was always looking for people to work.... I think he said more, can't remember. Anyway, I'm going to go meet him and see what he has to say... I think he said it pays well so I'll see... only thing I'm afraid of is that he probably thinks I have a HS diploma, which I don't.. but I'll see what he says later.

How old are you? You seem like a good kid and I feel for what you're going through. No one with diabetes should go that long without eating. If I could send you a care package with some Hickory Farms cheese and meats I would do it, even though I'm pretty broke myself. listen, my girfriend is always saying she cant believe how things always work out for me, depite the odds. like finding parking on a busy beach holiday. Or losing a ticket to an event but getting in for free anyway. I think this is true for me because I choose not to stress over stuff. Last month I was so broke I didn't know how I was going to eat for a few days. I was "in the hole" with my bank account, and still had to eat (I eat out every day, unfortunately I'm not the best cook) Well, somehow I managed to make a big enough pot of lentils and grilled chicken breasts that were in the freezer, and it carried me through. Yesterday I thought I had 12 dollars left in my account and had to wing it again, but one hour ago I checked my bank online and I had 113 dollars in there, don't ask me how. I just take things day to day. I'm not a planner, have no ambition or goals in life, yet I seem to be way more stress free than most people I meet. I think it's about attitude, and it took a lot of hardships to realize what was important in life and what wasn't. I'm no where near perfect, but I'm content. I really hope you find that in the near future. I remember when I first left home to live on my own, in Mission Beach ocean front, I felt on top of the world, yet had no money to eat after all my bills were paid. One time I went three days without eating anything except chocolate, and on the third day threw up bile and chocolate. There was a bum named Dumpster Dave I was friends with (I'm talking homeLESS) who would work at Acapulco Joe's Bar and Grill for his daily food. Would you believe this guy ended up bringing me a huge cheeseburger and fries? He knew I had not eaten. I was so grateful I almost cried. People are willing to help, even when they're in a worse situation than you. Good luck Bro.

in the end she was saying that she didn't owe me anymore money and I was tired of the whole bullshit so I just said "fine, I'll see you tomorrow" and left.... scrwe it. She won. Do you keep a copy of your hours? Do you guys have a time clock? or do you just write in teh hours. Either way, you need to keep a copy of your hours for your own records whether its hand written or an actual copy. If you are getting shorted on your hours, you can't let anyone get away with it.

Good luck with that!

How old are you? 18> I think this is true for me because I choose not to stress over stuff.Wow, that's exactly how I am. I don't get how people are driving and some other car pulls in front of you or something and they start down the road "WTF is he doing, why did he pull out like that" ... when that happens to me, I say nothing and just keep driving. People like that are just aprt of driving.Even when I lost $20, I didn't stress about it. Since I knew it was gone and had no way of finding it, I got over it (yeah, I lookde for a minute to see if I could find it).At Subway they have this thing called "Mystery Shopper" (I know other places have this too). Basically, if you do certain things you (and whoever else is working) can win money. Well, this one time a Secret Shopper came in and I didn't win it because I wasn't wearing the right button on my nametag (rolleyes) and my manager still got the report (they also do a report on how everything is in the store, regardless of you winning or not) and it was one of the best reports he'd ever gotten. Except we didn't win the money. I wasn't worried about it... why? I didn't get it, so why be mad about something you never had? My manager was actually TRYING to get me to care about the $60 I could've had, but I wasn't having it. "Don't yuo want the $60?" ... I said "Yeah, it would be nice, but I don't have it" and things like that. I just didn't stress about it.> I'm no where near perfect, but I'm content. I really hope you find that in the near futureWell, I'm trying to get there. If you look at my orginal post, most of my problems involve money. My depression and memory are things I can somehow deal with. IF only I had enough money to get by, I would be very content. But I don't, and money IS something I will stress over simply because I need it to survive. I never asked for much in life, I'm just trying to do what it takes to get by and that's all.> People are willing to help, even when they're in a worse situation than youI'm glad people were/are willing to help you, but the only person that has ever helped me with anything and everything is Pete. You see my manager trying to take my money. When I went to the car insurance, the bitch told me I had to get a money order or it would be $3 extra for paying cash (which I didn't have). I had $220 and the car insurance was $219.54 ... so I went to food lion and for some mriacle, a money order is only $.46 For those who can't do math well, that adds up to exactly $220. My point is, if the money order was more then $.46, I wouldn't be able to pay my car insurance.I've learned in life that no one will help you, so I don't expect anyone to help me. So don't tell me people are willing to help even when they're in a worse situation than me.> Do you keep a copy of your hours? Do you guys have a time clock?We do punch in/out on the computer. Everytime we punch out, it prints out a little sheet that says when you clocked in/out and how many hours you worked. I've started collecting those starting last week, for exactly the reason that my paycheck is fucked up. Last week I worked exactly (7.68+6.97+6.99+6.12+7.98+6.98) 42.72 hours. If that week (plus whatever I'm working this week) isn't the EXACT asme number on the paycheck, I'm going to bring all these slips to her and prove it to her.> If you are getting shorted on your hours, you can't let anyone get away with it. One of the reasons I just said "fuck it" today was simply because I couldn't prove to her that I had worked more than it said. And I know she can change the hours in the computer, but again, I can't prove she did. In the future, I'll be able to prove it.

Ya know, I like you. You're an alright guy.That's cool I guess... I used to think I was an alright person, but no one seems to see that side of me. Btw, were you or were you not the person who put that posting restriction on me? I remember that because that pissed me the fuck off at the time (and would piss me off anytime if I had that).> have you always had it?Not always, but I couldn't tell you how long I've had it. I don't really know, though it's been more than 7 years for sure.> I wonder if the low blood sugar could be the cause of your short term memory issue(s).I think you misunderstood. I don't usually have low blood sugar, but doing a lot of exercise and hard work (like a construction job would require) brings anyone's blood sugar down (even yours). The only difference is I don't have anything to make up for it, while anyone who doesn't have diabetes does (a normal body would reduce the insulin amounts, mine doesn't even make insulin)