I did it again... ugh

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Want a little background? keep reading. if not, just scroll down to the bold stars. So as some of you know, i had an experience with my friend a couple years back. I haven't been on the site all that much since then, but i needed to vent this... tell people about it... have people know.As a recap, i'm a pretty average dude. 17 years old, 5'10 158 lbs. Standard. I get girls. I have a good outgoing personality that allows me to get girls that are "out of my league" in looks (although i don't believe in leagues). Now i'm not going to give you my current status with this college girl i'm with (yes i'm a senior in HS she is a soph in college, i met her at work). lately i haven't felt compelled to be on the phone with her (you see, we worked together while she was home, and she just went back to her college a couple weeks ago, and it's 3 hours away). In fact, i haven't felt like i loved her... even though i know i did.okay i just gave you the spiel... whatever... it's more complicated than that, i've hooked up with 3 girls this summer (not including college girl), and yeah.******But now for the juice of this story. Me and my ex-best-friend who is a DUDE and who i hooked up with started talkin with me again. like we're buds again... and it's all good, he's invited me to hang out and stuff with friends and alone at his house, but i haven't been able to due to a number of reasons. One time, he even asked if i wanted to come over and hang out for an hour after school. WHY would he do that? An hour?! What could we possibly due in an hour? I think he wants me to suck his dick for him... which i'd gladly do (just thinking about it turns me on)... but hell... i don't if he REALLY wants that. like... i don't know. anyways, ever since we've been talking, i've though about him more, and i even had a dream about him last night. i was sucking his dick, which both tasted and felt good (in the dream). i even went as far as drawing a dick in my notebook and a mouth licking the dick (and i'm good at art so it was pretty detailed). i started to get a little turned on in class, but not way too much.but it drives me nuts to think about him and how i want to just suck his dick. I dont have any feelings for him though. and that's my main issue! i don't get feelings for dudes at all. like.. yeah i want a good healthy dude friendship, but i don't like kissing dudes (i did once another time with this kid i met) and i also don't have feelings for them. I'm just not really... "gay" per say.Yet i love the cock. I love watching porn with huge dicks and girls sucking it. (i don't like gay porn though, i like watching chicks suck dick). So i'm guessing... i just have a weird attraction to dick. yet at the same time it sucks.anyways, this weekend we have a school dance, and then i'm going to my friend's (a different one obviously) party. Tons of people will be there. We're smoking (you know what) and drinking even.ex-best-friend may be there. i just thought about this, but what if we got intoxicated and did stuff in front of our whole grade?! my life would be ruined.. well at least senior year would. Like honestly, i want him to come over right now so i can suck his dick for him, because i honestly love doing it for him... but gah... so confused.Anyways, the "i did it again" was referring to having a dream of that kid. Which i did. more than once. sucking his cock.blah. PS - I'm supposed to be a regular guy! It bothers me that i don't know my sexuality! I actually have emotional attachment to girls (unlike dudes) AND i am attracted to the female body (all of it, i've eaten out the college girl quite a few times, and enjoyed it).i seriously am your average joe... i do OKAY in school... i play sports.. i smoke and drink with my friends... all the norm... and now.. now... i'm scared of becoming something i don't want to be. something that society has been against for so long.

Actually, society has been debating that for so long. Though if you want to be straight, then let me try and convince you of something.You are straight. You said you're incapable of having a relationship with a guy the way you do with women, right? And you don't like gay porn, so I'm pretty sure males don't turn you on - it's just the penis. You like girls, and you have relationships with girls, you don't like kissing guys, you don't like gay porn, and just because you like the feel of sucking your friend's john doesn't necessarily mean you're gay, or bi for that matter. You're probably just bicurious or into the whole "dick" thing but not the whole male relationship thing, which I believe really defines your sexuality.Sometimes I don't think its the sex that defines one's sexuality, but rather the ability to gain a relationship that is not just a best-friend or regular friend kind of thing. Though sex and attraction to a certain gender may take a part in deciding sexuality, it doesn't make up its whole. So I'm pretty sure if the only thing you're interested in on the male is the penis, which I think is understandable, then I'm going to guess you're straight. We all have our weird fetishes. Heck, I still don't even know why some people like watching guys urinate but to each person his/her own, I say.I don't think you have anything to worry about. Though I wouldn't really care if I were in your position - I'm okay with being gay-bi (as I am) or whatever. But seeing as how you want to stay straight to avoid problems in social life/society I'm telling you - I think there's a good chance you're not -gay- at all.I mean, I am making some assumptions here. I'm assuming you don't have the need or want for an intimate relationship with a guy, correct? Just the dick-sucking turns you on, and even when you're watching two guys do it, you find it displeasing? Yeah. I'm sticking with my answer.

Quote:Now i'm not going to give you my current status with this college girl i'm with (yes i'm a senior in HS she is a soph in college, i met her at work). lately i haven't felt compelled to be on the phone with her (you see, we worked together while she was home, and she just went back to her college a couple weeks ago, and it's 3 hours away). In fact, i haven't felt like i loved her... even though i know i did.okay i just gave you the spiel... whatever... it's more complicated than that, i've hooked up with 3 girls this summer (not including college girl), and yeah....all of it, i've eaten out the college girl quite a few times, and enjoyed itI pray that you are no longer in a relationship with this girl who's at college. You sound like a dog. Quote:I think he wants me to suck his dick for him... which i'd gladly do (just thinking about it turns me on)...anyways, ever since we've been talking, i've though about him more, and i even had a dream about him last night. i was sucking his dick, which both tasted and felt good (in the dream). i even went as far as drawing a dick in my notebook and a mouth licking the dick (and i'm good at art so it was pretty detailed). i started to get a little turned on in class, but not way too much.but it drives me nuts to think about him and how i want to just suck his dick. So then, go do it already. Quote:ex-best-friend may be there. i just thought about this, but what if we got intoxicated and did stuff in front of our whole grade?! my life would be ruinedSo then, how about you DON'T drink? Would make things a bit easier, right? Quote:PS - I'm supposed to be a regular guy! It bothers me that i don't know my sexuality!You are a regular guy...as in a really, overly sexually-charged teenager who can't keep his hormones in check. No, really. As I read your post, I get this feeling that you're just looking to get yourself off with anyone, and skipping the relationship part.I think you are overthinking on the whole "label" issue. You are who you are. No one is going to care if you are straight, gay, bi, or whatever. If you're straight, fine, and if you're gay, fine.Slow down on being so promiscuous and maybe that will help you clear your head and figure out what you want from a REAL relationship.

Everyone is at least a little curious.And having a dream is a dream. I think I've even had those dreams before. So don't beat yourself up.If you want to suck your friends dick, then do it. If you won't ruin the friendship, no harm no foul.If you find a girl you want to be in a relationship with, and think you should not be sucking your friend's dick, then don't.I think it's all up to you. Don't let society tell you how to think.You obviously want to do it, so go for it. It won't change you. If you have thoughts of doing it, then doing it won't make it any worse or any better. Your thoughts aren't bad, they are just different.If that helps at all.

Thanks for the replies guys. Anyways, here are my answers back:For the second poster, i agree with what you wrote in the post whole-heartedly. Not just because i WANT to say "yeah i'm straight," but because i really do believe that if you don't have an emotional attachment/attraction to a sex, then that sex doesn't determine your sexuality. Overall, i thank you for being so supportive, and hearing what i hoped i'd hear.As for the second poster, i see you took it a little rougher on me, and it seems maybe you did because you could identify better with the girl's perspective and thought i am a bad guy.I was typing up this huge rundown of the relationship for you, but i quit. it's become way too much. i'm actually writing a story on our relationship (well i started one now) and maybe i'll post it here. basically, i'm just telling me you wouldn't think i'm a dog if you knew everything. you may be able to judge that some day.

thanks felix... that makes me feel a little better too..

but i don't know if it's curiosity.

i've already sucked his dick before. like, a few times at his house one night...

and another time, i met this bi-guy who was one year older than me. you see, he is what made me question if i were actually bi or not. he had attraction to men and them jerking off, and gay porn and all that. i never felt that though, not like him.

so anyways, we met up and that's the guy i kissed (i hated kissing). it wasn't about him or his quality of kissing. just kissing a guy felt "wrong." so we sucked each other off, even 69'd (him on top so the i could deep throat from the bottom baby).

that's two experiences! maybe i am just curious but i don't know. :frowning:

Originally Posted By: MrMarthAs for the second poster, i see you took it a little rougher on me, and it seems maybe you did because you could identify better with the girl's perspective and thought i am a bad guy.I didn't say that to make you seem like a bad person. I said that because from your post, it sounded like you were almost bragging about you being with girls and having oral sex and how much you wanted to perform oral sex.But I still honestly believe you need to sloooow down and just think about what you want from a meaningful relationship (be it with a guy or girl or both) and not just about sex sex sex.

MrMarth, it's good to see you posting again.I think that at 17 your sexuality is not likely to change much from here, and the important thing is to recognise it and accept it as it is. It seems to be from your descriptions, especially your enthusiasm, that this is more than mere curiosity, and that on the sexual side you are bi, even though on the emotional, romantic, side you are straight. I suspect this may be more common than is generally thought.But sexuality is one thing, and how you express it - what you do with it - is another. Is it really likely that you and your friend would do something like that in the open? That sounds more like a fantasy than something that is really likely to happen. We all have to suppress our desires from time to time to fit in with other people, with society's expectations, and with our consciences. It's far from certain that your ex-friend will want to do anything, even.

Hmm... that gets me thinking a little, Pete.Assuming you know of my sexuality, I have something to share. You know, I'm more sexually attracted to the male than female, but I find that as I'm growing and getting older, I'm more sexually attracted to females, but maintaining the sexual attraction towards males. However, I can't really see myself having a relationship with a guy... only girls. I haven't very well realized it until you mentioned it in your post.I feel as though I should thank you!

Well,I think there is still some level of curiosity because you haven't really done the same thing every time.But even still, I think it is general horniness, and for once don't agree with Ineligible.I believe you can be straight and horny about guys depending on your situation.I think your situation fits. I read your first post that you posted a few years ago after I posted, and I still stand strong it what I say.