This is going to be a lonnng post, just to warn you all.
I'm so torn right now between two decisions. Each have their advantages and disadvantages...I just don't know what to do. Either move in with my dad, or stay here with my mom.
First let me explain why I am considering moving in with my dad. My mom is a complete psycho. My dad, my brother, and even her boyfriend (at times) think she has a mental problem. She is so crazy about things and just not sensible at all. If things do not go her way, she completely flips out. If you even try to argue with her about something, she will dismiss your claim as "ridiculous" and not even give you a chance to speak.
Her logic about some things just make no sense. She constantly bickers to me about how I never have anything planned. First of all, I DO. Second of all, even if I didn't, whoop-dee-doo? I'm a teenager, what do you expect? But I'm serious, her definition of me "not having things planned" is me going out to the movies one night, and me and my friends deciding after the movie that we are hungry and to stop at Denny's (which is on the way home anyways). So when I call my mom to ask, she completely flips out on me. I am generally a very planned and organized person, but little things like that just give her an excuse to yell at me.
I can do nothing right, in her eyes. No matter how hard I try. I have a 4.2 GPA at my school, I have a very good group of friends, I have had a job since I was 15 (I'm 17 now)...pay my own bills, buying my own car. I don't ask for much, honestly. But still, she will find things to yell at me about just because she wants to. And she'll claim that I "use" her? Even my dad laughs at this one because she says it so much and it's not true at all.
The other day, 2 days before my birthday, I was up on the phone with my boyfriend a half hour past my ELEVEN O'CLOCK bedtime, and she stormed into my room and told me he couldn't come over that weekend anymore because of that. He lives 3 hours away, too, so it's not like I can see him all the time...this was a special occasion for my birthday. And the whole reason she came in my room in the first place was because she said she heard me standing by her bedroom door eavesdropping on her and her boyfriend? This was absolutely ridiculous as I was nowhere near her room.
She is a paranoid freak. She came home one day and barged into my room as I had just gotten out of the shower and was still in my bath robe. Instead of apologizing, she demanded to know why I was in a bath robe. She thought I had a guy over or something while she was gone! She even looked in my closet and everything. She should know that I wouldn't even think about cheating on my boyfriend of three years like that. Ugh.
So the other day, I went to stay the night at my dad's house so we could celebrate my birthday since I didn't get to see him on my actual b-day (I was grounded for being up past my bedtime). He was going to just drive me to school the next morning. Him and his girlfriend made me the most delicious cheesecake for my birthday, but I couldn't take it to school the next day (along with all my other stuff that I brought to my dad's..it would not fit in my locker)...so I was just going to see if I could take my mom's car after school to pick all my stuff up from his house. I mean, he only lives literally a 3 minute car ride down the road, so I didn't think it would be a problem.
So I ask my mom after school if I can take the car to my dad's really quick to get my stuff, and she says NO. When I ask why, she says it's because of gas money and too much mileage on her car (her brand new Monte Carlo..) Does that make sense to any of you? I don't understand how a 3 minute car ride can be that huge of a deal, but of course as soon as I said that, she told me to shut up and that it was her decision. She said "your DAD can bring your stuff to you"...then she went on about how I ask for so many favors from her.
I could seriously go on and on about this...like how I am actually supposed to be in NYC right now speaking at a conference with my best friend for the website that she owns and I work for. It was a BIG opportunity for me, and it was all paid for...and my mom said no because apparently I can never keep my plans straight (all because our flight times changed by like an hour...and like that was my fault anyway).
Not to mention, I am so close to having enough money to buy my first car. I have been saving for a year and I now have $4,000 which is just about what I need to buy my dream car (a used Ford Focus =P)..and just the other day I tried logging into my online bank account to check out how much I had in my savings account, and the password had been changed. My mom and I were on a linked bank account and she just changed the pass without telling me. When I asked her for it, she said "You don't need to be able to access my account"...and I said "Well I DO need to be able to access mine!", and she still won't give me the password. I am afraid she might take my money if I try to move out.
Nerves have just been on end with her for the past 6 months or so. I cannot take it anymore. Every time we get into a big fight (usually at least once a week) I lose so much sleep and I feel sick to the point of not eating the next day at school. It is really affecting me terribly and I'm afraid it could affect my school work.
So my only option I feel is to move in with my dad. The only problem with that is that he just recently (about 3 months ago) moved into a great new apartment with only 2 bedrooms...meaning if I moved there, I would be sleeping in the living room until my brother moved out (which should be within the next few months, as he is going to college). On top of that, my dad's girlfriend is pregnant, and my dad brought up the point that when they have the baby in March, it is going to be very hectic and that is also around the time when I need to be studying for finals and everything.
So I am torn. I want to move in there, but I don't want to be a burden to them and cramp up the house. My dad has told me that I am more than welcome and that we would find a way to work things out...and I know he is right. I don't take up much space...all I really need is a corner for my computers and a couch to sleep on and I will be okay. Sure, we might get on each other's nerves but I know it won't get to the extent of my psycho mom situation.
The bigger issue here is that whenever I mention moving in with my dad, my mom freaks out and says she will fight it in court. And I am afraid that she would have a case in saying that it's a bad living arrangement because of the fact that I won't have my own bedroom. But at the same time, my mom smokes weed, so couldn't I use that against her in court? And also, at my age, I would think that wherever I want to live is where I should be able to live as long as it is within reason. Honestly, I just can't take the fighting here anymore.
What do you guys think?...if anyone read all of that. I'm sorry for such a long post, but when I start typing I just can't stop. =P
To Move Out or Not?
This is going to be a lonnng post, just to warn you all.
Get out of your mom's house ASAP would be my best advice. Don't let the bank issue keep you under her roof, if she takes your money, you can take legal action. I hate lunatic parents like your mother, it is a bad environment for you and living with your dad would be the best thing for you.
You'll get the $4000 that you earned, it doesn't belong to your mother.
It's up to you to decide whether you'd be happier living at your mother's or father's. If you decide your father's place would be better despite its disadvantages (and I think that would be a reasonable decision), ignore what your mother says about fighting it in court. At 17, the court will give your wishes the most weight. After she finds out how much it will cost her and how little hope of success she has, she won't do it.
I assume your bank account is in your name? You should be able to go to the bank and get it unlinked from your mother's, or get the balance transferred to a new account.