This is going to be a long loooooooooong post. Don't say i didn't warn you.
I need to blow some steam.
Let me share about my life.
Father: Dropout from highschool. Very difficult to explain things to him. He just doesn't get it. Very stubborn. Very demanding. Not very open to new things. Not a good listener. Very very unreasonable. Not willing to change his problems (the stuff i mentioned above).
Mother: A teacher. Her mother passed away about seven years ago or so. Her father passed away about two months ago. Got depression. Probably at the stage of menopause. Very moody. Ignores what she doesn't want to hear and walks away. Lectures A LOT.Does what she wants and doesn't do what she doesn't want. Says what she wants. An okay-ish listener, but lectures during it too much.
Sister: Graduated from university. Works at a lab. Not very considerate. A tad too selfish. When i complain to her, she complains about how she has enough shit from her work to worry about and she doesn't want to hear my problems. She says she doesn't want to hear me complain about father, mother, my shitty life, etc. Obsessed with some guy she met on the internet. She knows that it's impossible to meet and date and whatever the hell she wants to do but she won't let go. I advise her to stop talking to him and whatnot but she won't and digs herself a deeper mess and complains to me.
Me:In highschool. 16 years old. Bullied almost everyday since the first day of kindergarten to grade 5 or so. I have lots of enemies in highschool. I do nothing to them, hell, i don't even know them, but they still hate me and whatnot. There are girls who got jealous because i was better at them in cheerleading and they made my life on the team a living hell. They kept picking on me and being bias. Finally, i could no longer take it anymore so i quit after about a month. I obey my parents like a dog. They say, don't date. so i don't. Don't party. I don't. Don't drink. I don't. Get good marks. I do. Don't go to the movies tonight. I don't. Don't go to your friends' house. I don't. Don't get piercings. I don't. Don't get tattoos. I don't. EX-CETER-FUCKING-RA.
My whole life, i've been paying the consequence of someone else's mistake. For example, my mother married my father out of pity, not out of love, so i'm suffering this life because of her mistake. I'd rather not be born at all. Fuck.
"Friend" A:Very very stubborn. Very very selfish. Not very considerate. She is just a fucking bitch. That's all i can say. Betrays me A LOT.
"Friend" B: Very annoying. Very stubborn. Destroys/ruins things that don't belong to him. For example, he squeezed lotion on my $100 graphing calculator. Breaks my pens, erasers, crumples my paper, just does the annoying useless things that benefits no one. Has aggression/anger problems.
"Friend" C: Very annoying. Very very very cheap. She borrowed money from me to buy something that was $3.99, so technically she should pay me $4.00. I'll even give her a fucking penny back if she wants it. Instead, she rounds down and says she'll pay me $3.50 instead. Not a big deal, it's just 40 cents, i know, but i am sick and tired of this kind of shit when i always pay exactly how much i borrowed or i'd round up if it makes it easier. I always remember my debts and who i owe money to. So this really pisses me off when i treat my neighbors like how i want to be treated, and what do i get back? Nothing. She also betrays me a lot.
My acquaintances even treat me better and are better friends than my real 'friends'.
I am betrayed at least once every single day.
I define betrayal in two ways:
1)Blaming me to save their ass or look cool when i didn't do it.
2)Not helping me when i am really in need. (Only when they're actually able to. So not something like saving me from a burning building.)
"Friend A" betrays the most of the three. "Friend C" ranks second place. "Friend B" barely does it at all.
THEY'LL BETRAY ME:
-to look cool
-to impress others.
-to not get in trouble.
-if they're too 'lazy' to move.
-if they think whatever's happening to me is funny.
ie: I was being dragged down the hall by the legs during lunch
one day. i looked to "friend A" and said, "help me" and she
sat on her fucking fat ass, looking at me, laughing, as i
was being dragged down. The person dragging me did it
because he thought it was funny, blahblah, whatever. But i
was very upset with "friend A". After, i asked, "why didn't
you help me?" HER FUCKING REPLY? "hahah. it was wayyy too
funny. oh well. it's not like you got hurt." FUCK YOU, YOU
DUMB CUNT. SO IF I WERE GETTING RAPED AND YOU THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY YOU WOULDN'T HELP ME WOULD YOU? BECAUSE OH, HO HO HO, YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY. FUCK YOU FUCKYOUFCUKCUYOU.
-to eat (TO FUCKING EAT. AS IF YOU NEED TO EAT ANYMORE, YOU FAT FUCK.)
ie: Once I lost something precious and i was hunting around for
it during lunch and i asked her to help and she did for
about a minute. Then she said, 'K, i'm going to go eat my
lunch now, good luck". I looked at her in disbelief but
shook it off anyway. Finally, i asked her to accompany me
to the office so we can broadcast it. HER FUCKING REPLY?
"I'm still eating my lunch." Oh. I'm sorry for
interrupting your fucking lunch. It was actually the guy
who dragged me down the hall that accompanied me to the
office, NOT MY SO CALLED BEST FRIEND FOREVER, but an
acquantince. Ah. But about two weeks later, she dropped her
pencil case in the hallway and i was late for my next class
searching the hallways and asking around for it with her.
-if it somehow benefits them.
Fuck i hate them all so damn much. I'm not 'ending our friendships' because all our friends are mutual, so if end one, i still have to face them everyday because we all hang out. I'm just waiting for graduation and then i'm gone. I'm getting a cellphone, changing my email...etc. I will have disappeared from the face of the earth. To them, anyway.
Cheerleading: I absolutely LOVE cheerleading. I take it very seriously. I work very hard at it. However. There are other girls on there that don't. I don't know why they're doing cheerleading in the first place, but whatever. So i had to do 175 pushups today because of a bunch of girls who didn't take out their jewelry like they're supposed to. The coaches remind them to take them out at the beginning of practice, but for some reason, they don't. The penalty for jewelry is 25 pushups for the whole team for every single person who didn't take out their jewelry. The girls gossip, laugh, talk, when they're not supposed to and the coaches get mad and makes us do pushups and it takes time away from practice. And i just want to yell, "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY, GET THE FUCK OFF THIS TEAM."
-We have financial issues. This is the price for first generation immigrants.
-My whole family has depression. Only my mother got the pills for it. I'm actually going to the doctor tomorrow to get some anti-depressants and sleeping pills.
-I have a lot of stress. I stress a lot over my future, my grades, getting into a university, my career, my relationships with the people around me, and especially my family's financial issues.
-My teacher put up a "Symptoms of Too Much Stress" poster thing up one day and i looked and i had 50% of the physical symptoms, almost all of the psychological symptoms, and one of the social symptoms.
-I took 3 'Do you have too much stress' quiz on the internet these are my results:
"You're burned out."
"You have the risk of becoming a candidate for heart problems."
"Your high level of stress may cause physical and mental damage."
Great. Just fucking great. Just what i need.
-Sleeping problems. I don't really worry/stress about my stress during the day. I plan out what i'm going to do and how, and i move on. However. All this stress comes back to haunt me during the night. For the past six months, i have not gotten a single night of FULL sleep, no interruptions except going to the bathroom. I sleep very shallowly and keep waking up and it takes about 1-2 minutes to fall back to 'sleep'.
-I counted how many times i woke up one night, and guess what? In one night, i woke up 52 times. And this has been going on for the past six months or so, and i am very exhausted.
-If i sleep for eight hours, the actual amount of sleep i get is about 3-4 hours. Let alone if i sleep for 4 hours, due to studying for a test. You do the math.
I work very hard in accepting this family and life and friends and whatever, but i'm just growing tired of forgiving everything and smiling at every misfortune that's tossed my way.
Well. Thanks for listening.
I'm glad i got that off my chest.
I just love my life. Don't you?
I just need to blow some steam.
About your family: Sorry, I have no idea what to tell you here. Don't have too much experience (in other words: none) with family.
About your "friends": My question is: Why do you hang out with these people you hate so much? Friend A, B, and C are very annoying and stubborn (According to you) and they don't do anything for you and just use you. So why do you hang out with them? And why do you still talk to the guy who dragged you down the hall by your feet? wtf?
About cheerleading: I bet a lot of girls are on the team to be popular and for attention. As you can tell, they don't care much about the team itself, they just want everything that goes along with it (attention).
> I took 3 'Do you have too much stress' quiz on the internet
Psh. Those tests are stupid and I doubt very accurate at all.
> Sleeping problems
Hopefully when you go to the doctor tomorrow, he'll give you something for that. That should help.
What do you do for fun?
> I just love my life. Don't you?
I don't love my life either, but I make the best out of what I have (which isn't much).
Hi wtfmate, I read it all, but I'll have to think more about it. It is so similar in many ways to me, and I have to be careful not to push the similarity too far.
One thing that does strike me is the difference between your approach to life and that of others. You take a lot of trouble to do things properly. You do your duty. And you expect others to be similar, but they are not.
In some ways, you are in the wrong time. Your values would have been more esteemed, and would have been more common, in an earlier time. Perhaps in a later generation they will be again.
It is important to recognise that you see the world differently from many other people. That will help you understand them better. For example, you would drop everything to help someone in trouble; but many people (alas) won't. To expect them to may be unrealistic. It took me a long time to learn that.
You also seem too ready to give advice, and too expectant that it will be appreciated. Most people don't want advice unless they specifically ask for it (and even then they often don't want it when it is given). Remember, other people don't see things the way you do.
Try to move your attention away from yourself, and how other people don't treat you well, and towards other people. They will react positively to that.
Try to let life flow as it will. Zhuangzi (China, 4th century BC) pointed out that if a sober man falls from a carriage he hurts himself, but a drunk man doesn't - he doesn't try to resist, but rolls.
Originally Posted By: wtfmate
I'm just waiting for graduation and then i'm gone. I'm getting a cellphone, changing my email...etc. I will have disappeared from the face of the earth. To them, anyway.
You have it exactly right here. High School is shit. People's values and beliefs are completely upside down.
My advice, knuckle down, do your work, get a what you want out of school (i.e. a good score) and head off to make your own life. You'll find at University people are much nicer, considerate and less concerned with trival goals like "being cool".
It won't be easy, just don't let people drag you down with them, and soon you'll be independant enough to be the person you want to be and free enough to choose your own friends. In 10 years time you can look back and laugh at all the "cool kids" who have gone nowhere in their life.
Your High School life sounded a lot like mine. You have friends, like I did. We would go the extra mile for them, but they don't even meet us halfway, right? They only want to do what benefits them. I never really understood this mindset, but I guess you need to realize that 80% of people your age are ignorant, selfish fucks. College is so much better. You sound like an intellectual going through a lot of stress and random bullshit, like I did in high school.
Your friends don't sound like actual friends, something I had an abundance of in HS. Your mother sounds like she is going through a lot, and on medication. Your sister sounds like a 14 year old girl that needs to grow up.
Although I am strongly against anti-depressants, and wish I myself could just talk to some of these people before they get pills, I can't. But anyway... I hope you don't become too dependent on them. As for sleep, I know a friend who has a similar problem as you, and use to wake up 150 times each night before he saw the doctor, and took some pills for it, it's an actual condition that you should talk to your doctor about.
hope everything works out for you (it eventually will).
What do i do for fun?
I thoroughly enjoy reading, whether it's mystery or encyclopedias or newspapers.
I especially enjoy learning how things work, and why things do the things they do.
I enjoy artsy stuff like painting or sculpting.
I love to cook.
I also love to eat. :blush: I, however, do not eat for comfort, i actually lose my appetite when i'm angry/stressed. (thankfully)
I love cheerleading.
I enjoy math homework if i understand it.
I enjoy most writing assignments in English.
I enjoy writing poems, but only for English class, because it's for marks.
I enjoy online card games.
I like watching videos on youtube. haha.
I love watching horror movies.
I love movies in general, actually, but prefer horror above all.
I like to daydream.
I like walking.
I don't really mind cleaning.
I love keeping my room clean for some absurd reason. About a month and a half ago, my room was a mess and i was very disorganized. Suddenly, i cleaned my room and is obsessed with cleaning it. Wtf?
I love playing Call of Duty, sometimes i'd kill innocent soldiers on there to relieve my anger. Sometimes there are KillCams, and just watching myself crawl through the bushes thinking i'm so stealth when i'm actually very obvious and out in the open, is hilarious and cracks me up. I'm bursting into laughter just typing it now.
I enjoy most computer games.
I like fooling around on photoshop.
I enjoy windowshopping, i don' shop if i don't have something to buy, but i enjoy browsing and walking around.
I enjoy most sports if it's for fun, not competitive. Cheerleading is the only and solely exception.
that's about all i enjoy.
Thank you all for you posts, by the way.
I appreciate all your advice and encouragement.
Thanks a bunch.
And thank you to anyone else that might post after this.
Your friends. aren’t your friends. Why do I say that.. well REAL friends don’t act that way.
Now I’m going to go finish reading your post.
I know it’s mean but.. If your sis is being a jerk to you.. don’t listen to her shit. Maybe it will help her wake up to how you fill. Wut I’d suggest is you find some one here on a2a u fill will listen and start talking to them. There are two people here ..well one isn’t here no more.. But yea.. I know that when I can’t go to parents, siblings or my gf I can go to them. People here are very willing to listen and help. it’s why most are here at a2a.
After reading the rest of your post. … well besides starting to cry I had a few flash backs too. I was bullied and sexually harassed. sexually harassed by a girl that was once a friend. I been betrayed a lot by so called friends and even by my own fucking slut sister.
Yea I stand by my earlier post.. Your friends.. NOT friends! When Becky grabbed my dick during lunch (we were in 9th grade) Ash (my friend) took up for me when I wasn’t going to do anything. That’s a friend.
I was actually pulled out of school (9th grade)and started home schooling because of bullies. Becky was slipping harassing letters into my locker still and those fuck heads took it further than pushing me around, taking my food, throwing my books , slamming me into my locker.. Making me late and grrr there were assholes!! They took it further tho and I got glasses that year one of the fucks took them and me being a stupid dummy chased them to get them back.. I ran right into their trap. Becky violated me and then when she left they raped me. And it’s all partly my fault for not reading her stupid note and running after him to get my glasses back. And it got worse.. Dumb as Becky started a rumor that we did it and she was pregnant after it got back to her parents (or something) they come to my house telling my parents I got her pregnant. Luckily parents wanted proof of her being pregnant b4 they would believe her over me. So… well yea those at school believed her cuz I hadn’t returned to school. More and more every day I think every one is evil. I even believe some “so called’ guy (that climbed to be my age) was a friend but he wasn’t he was a old perverted pedo freak. We moved that summer ands my parent thought going to a new school would be ok.. It wasn’t and I started home school again. I was so over stressed about going to college I thought people were going to come after me. I didn’t make it threw my first semester of college…but I made it threw my 2nd and now it’s like 2 and half more months of this semester and I like college. Where there is a little likenesses there are so many unlike in college. u know.. i know there are assholes evil fucks but i know there are people that arn't too. It;s just i seem to find the evil fucks over the good people. it scares the hell out of me to think that one day the people i have believed to be good turn out to be not wut i thoguht...
Quote:I just love my life. Don't you?
Not really.. (at the moment) But I know u were being sarcastic.Quote:It is important to recognize that you see the world differently from many other people.
Yea pete.. Every one is a asshole and out for their own.Quote:Try to move your attention away from yourself, and how other people don't treat you well, and towards other people. They will react positively to that.
?? Ok pete that went right over my head! Wtf?!Quote:You'll find at University people are much nicer, considerate and less concerned with trival goals like "being cool".
He’s right on that. I never thought I would but I do like college. Except when I have to give a presentation.Quote:I enjoy window shopping, i don' shop if i don't have something to buy, but i enjoy browsing and walking around.
My girlfriend loves to do that…and she loves to drag me around with her while she is. lol well ok i woudl never atmit to it so.. well shopping isn't my hting but i don't mind checking out the hot girls...lol it's not hard to watch a hot gil walk down the mall while my girl has her face in cloths. lol
Quote:Try to move your attention away from yourself, and how other people don't treat you well, and towards other people. They will react positively to that.
What I meant was, we naturally get upset when we are treated badly, and we naturally feel upset about it; but if we complain about it too much it seems to others like we are too self-absorbed, and indeed it's unhealthy to make that the main focus of our thoughts. It's best to turn our thoughts most of the time from the past to the future, and it's best to turn our thoughts most of the time from looking inwards to looking outwards.
Personally I'm going to have to disagree with the notion that once university starts you're going to be able to start a new life and make all these new friends and everything's going to be all great. In my experience... it doesn't happen.
With that said, you just need real friends, that's all.
Just thought i'd update on my status.
so i went to the doctors the next day.
i got some anti-depressants that will also help me sleep.
i've been getting much better sleep lately.
however, depression is causing me to have a very hard time concentrating.
i can read, i can watch, i can write, but i can barely remember things and can barely think.
thus, my homework is not doing so great, i took six hours to write an essay that would usually take one or two.
twice, i didn't do my math homework.
i just want this all to go away.