Need to say..then i'll go..

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Quote: Caleb's always hurting. Caleb's always down. Caleb's always taking it out on the board. I know I fucked up and gave my opinion in the abortion shit…. I’m sorry for filling that way. I am always hurting even when I don’t show it…. I’m down more than I’d like.. But I do have a some good days. Do I always take it out on the board……. ?? I didn’t think I did but if it’s the way you all fill fine. I’ll leave.  Quote: Caleb and to start expecting a little more mature behavior from him. You're not doing him any favors.I always thought I was mature.. Ok so I called a few people some mean names (every one here is guilty of doing the same) or so yea I loose my temper when it comes to rape threads. But other than that I really didn’t know my behavior on here was that bad. So I’ll leave. For your information radeckl and pete did do me hudge favors….. They made me fill a little better and a whole lot less suicidal. just adding i didn't want to look at the stupid abortion thread anymore so i made a new post and wut i needed to say... yea i wasted bandwith on my stupidness.......

Quote:I didn’t think I did but if it’s the way you all fill fine. I’ll leave.It was only one poster who made those comments - and I think he may have been confusing you with another poster.

As I told you in a PM, I have never known anyone to think that way about you and I was actually really shocked when I read Damien's post. You have to stay, I won't let you leave over some ignorant as fuck comment.

I think you ARE a mature person, and I think you should stay here. Because you know what? I like you, you remind me of my friends. So stay, pleeease?

i don't know wut i'm going to do. ...yet

this wasnt entended to be a ask to sty thread... i just didn;t want to go back to the other thread. ...

people stop mollycoddling me. (wtf that means??) but stop doign it i'm a big boy and if i stay. i stay and if i go, i go...

I think it would be a big loss to a2a if you left. You are wise beyond your years Caleb.

"this wasnt entended to be a ask to sty thread..."Don't forget, it's not up to them... or him. Do what's best for you. Has this board offered more help or done more harm. Ask yourself this before you make any quick decisions.I'm sure you already know that but being emotional creatures, as humans are, it's good that we remind ourselves of that question once in a while.I, for one, hope to see you around.

Fuck Caleb, you and I have talked many times and through PMs about some horrid shit that happened to you.Ill give you the same advice now as i did then.Fuck it.shit happens, not everyones gonna be on your side all the time and people are entitled to thier own opinions. Your job is to find self worth and a way to get on with life. nto to make others hapy, to make you happy, youll gather peopel that like you as you go. As to this board, everyone will leave someday, you, me, everyone. eventually Ill get bored iwth it and just stop visiting, others will get pissed and leave over shit that happened here.I advise you to not be one of those, it just leaves unfinished business. Dont let someone chase you off of someplace you want to be.If you wnat to leave, then leave, if you wnat to stay, dont let anyone make you leave. I do what I want when I want with who I want the way I want to do it and fuck anyone that doesnt like it. I have as much right as anyone else to go anyplace and do anything. You have those smae rights, you just need to exercise them. want a break? take one, wnat ot leave? then leave, jsut dont let someone elses opinion be what makes you leave. I told the same thing to still searching when he had his goodbye thread, Ill give this same advice to anyone in the future that that says they are leaving in a public thread.I dnt tip toe around shit, I speak my mind, I dont hold back what needs to be said to spare feelings of anyones. the opposite of me is molly coddling. You do need to get over and deal with the shit you and I have spoken about in PMs, thats just life, no easy way to do it it just has to be done, but if you need to bithc about it and talk about it, than this boards not to bad a fucking place to do so. Do what yur going to do because its what you want to do not what you think you need to do to make someone happy or be less of a pain in the ass.

Quote: As to this board, everyone will leave someday, you, me, everyone. eventually Ill get bored iwth it and just stop visiting, others will get pissed and leave over shit that happened here.u being blunt is wut i alwasy liked about u (plus u have a aussie) no candy coating it. i'd rather know than not. how can u change if u don't know.. Sometimes it takes some one else to show u wut u can't see.i'm trying to figure out with myself if it's just that. am i wut he said and i can't see it or am i not. u can say it's whinning .....but it's alot easy to say "get over it" than acually get over it.

holy crap. i just read wtf went on in that other thread and to be honest im shocked. i know you dont really want to hear this, but caleb your an awesome person and this forum wouldnt be the same without you.

I knew you were talking the past not the post and your right, its easy to say not so easy to do. Like I said its the shits, you jsut have to find a way to get over it, I have no advice on that nad have my own demons to work on from my past, its a hell of a lot easier to say it then do it.as to are you a whiney bitch? or osmething of that nature?yeah, to some degree, about vcertain stuff shit thats sensitive to you. You blow over rape shit and you get pissy about certain things. to some people thats whiney. since your nto bitching and complaining about everything possible Id have to say no your not, just on certain things, the things you need to find a way to get past. I have no fucking clue how to move on and get over them, I jsut know you have to.

If the two statements you quoted are what really making you leave the board and pushed you over the edge then I'm very sure you'd be leaving for no good reason.Because though I don't know damien himself, I can all ready tell from his past posts that I've read that he's not a guy that would say something like that, knowing someone like you. He probably meant someone else, as a few, like Pete, pointed out.However, if there's something else that's going in your mind that I myself would not know about (seeing as how my time here is... well, inexperienced) nor other people, then please, I urge you to think about it thoroughly before you make the decision of leaving us. Though even people who don't know you too well like me will miss you, I won't hold you back from making a decision that you think would be right for you.Besides, who was the only one who sent me a happy birthday pm? Think it through and decide for your own personal health what you want and need right now.-Just be sure to be rational in your thinking, which I'm sure you all ready know to do.

That was excellent advice, Chance. You are a jewel.

for good or for ill its just my opinion. I call em like I see em or have some experience to rely on, thats all.

Hey, its your decison to stay or go, but i think that you don't quite realise what a valued member of the board you are, i always enjoy reading your posts and i dont think anyone who realy maters here wants you to go. Whats that saying? Those that matter dont care and those that care dont matter

So I'll go against my better judgment and try to respond...clarify...whatever...(even thought I'm asking myself 'what's the point?')

It baffles me time and again how easy it is to become the bad guy. So folks like Caleb (who I actually like...still do) and Steve and Chance and others can speak their minds - Katie bar the door! - and they are applauded for it. Caleb can rip others to shreds. Can make incredibly insensitive comments (which, you have to admit, is done on at least a semi-regular basis). And you guys make excuses for him, while the ones calling him out are called insensitive. That's whacked!

My post wasn't an attempt to belittle Caleb or be insensitive toward him. It was an attempt to challenge him to get his act together. I didn't use pink cuddly puppy dog and kitty cat language to do it. That doesn't work for me. I knew he's hurting. I know he's been through some crappy stuff that he didn't deserve. I respect that. Totally. But that is not an excuse for unacceptable behavior. It sickens me that you guys think it is.

As for D's comment about my spending my days with kids who are hurting...I'm glad you brought it up. I do. They do. But my job isn't to just sit there and say "poor pitiful you, I can see why you're beating the crap out of people or popping pills or whatever. you're hurting." I don't excuse their behavior. News flash...compassion and accountability are not mutually exclusive. I work with kids to help them understand and overcome their pasts. But I spend at least much time helping them develop more positive ways of interacting with and responding to the world around them. THAT is what I was doing with Caleb. I hate the crap he's been through. I hate the people who did it. But I also hate the thought that he will continue using that as an excuse, and others will continue encouraging him to use that as an excuse, to act like a butthole to people. And it really ticks me off cause I know he's not a butthole. He's much better than that. We've all seen it.

So when, pray tell, did it become an earth-shattering crime to have expectations that kids like him should act civil and treat people decent.

After all the time I've been here, how is it that you guys can't give me at least half the benefit of the doubt you give Caleb? How is it that, after all the time you guys spend defending people who spew hatred and incivility on the board, you castigate me for my comments.

Can I offer up my crappy past as reasons for my posts?

I'm the one that should be shaking my head asking "wtf?".

...Caleb. Don't go away. Come back. Post more on your good days. The balance would be amazing.

Nevermind.

Quote:My post wasn't an attempt to belittle Caleb or be insensitive toward him. It was an attempt to challenge him to get his act together. I didn't use pink cuddly puppy dog and kitty cat language to do it. So, by telling him to, and I quote: It's time for Caleb to put on his big boy panties and be a man about it. It's time for people to stop mollycoddling Caleb and to start expecting a little more mature behavior from him.As someone who works with children, do you think that was the professional, appropriate response to people? Imagine in the 'real' world if you told one of your patients to put on his big boy panties and be a man about it. What do you think will happen to you? Do you think your patient will feel comfortable expressing feelings to you if you have this "suck it up and be a man" attitude about life? I don't think so.The problem with your statement is you, like others who do not understand victims of abuse or other mental illnesses, think victims act this way because people allow them to. People who suffer wake up everyday wishing they can erase the pain, hatred and frustration. Don't you think people who are suffering would change if they could? If it were that easy, therapists and drug makers would go out of business because everyone would be fine!While I don't doubt your sincerity, I feel that you could have done it in a more professional way. People on here expected more of you because of your background and you failed to live up to that. Instead, you showed a simplistic, good ol' boy attitude to a complicated issue.

Damien. I think you are a truly amazing person. You are kind, honest and sincere. To say the least you are probably one of my favourite people here.I agree 100% with what you wrote. Caleb. I don't want you to leave. But you have to agree with Damien.. you cut people up ALOT. you have cut me up ALOT. and I have never said anything about it because you honestly are treated as fragile here and I would have got blasted.. like Damien did.

Originally Posted By: ClassyBlackWoman As someone who works with children, do you think that was the professional, appropriate response to people? Was I sitting in a Therapist chair when I said that?When you post on here, are you posting as a Journalist or whatever you do during the day? Give me a break. I'm not here as a Therapist. I'm not even on the mental health board. I'm on the community forum board thingy. I wasn't attempting to give a professional response to anyone. So please get over that.  Quote: Imagine in the 'real' world if you told one of your patients to put on his big boy panties and be a man about it. What do you think will happen to you? Do you think your patient will feel comfortable expressing feelings to you if you have this "suck it up and be a man" attitude about life? I don't think so. Fact is, I have told boys very similar things...with remarkable success. In fact, that is one of the reasons they feel comfortable with me, because I talk to them man to man, not professional to "patient/client/consumer". I have the ability to look at the teenage boys I see and say "let's cut through the crap. you need to get it together, right?" And they will typically grin...or do whatever teenage boys do when they are uncomfortable...and say "yeah". My job isn't to always make them feel "good". Supported and encouraged, yes. All good and mushy, not all the time. How about you be the journalist and let me be the Therapist...when I'm at work.  Quote: The problem with your statement is you, like others who do not understand victims of abuse or other mental illnesses, think victims act this way because people allow them to. People who suffer wake up everyday wishing they can erase the pain, hatred and frustration. You think I don't understand victims of abuse or mental illness? Who the hell do you think you are talking to?!? And I'm not even talking about training, education, and spending my life with victims. I am talking about suffering through these things myself. That's a huge assumptions you just made there, my friend. And a very wrong one. As one who has experienced these things, I had to learn that waking up and wishing got me nowhere. I needed to move. I think that's what Caleb needs to do. Move. One tiny baby step. That's where it starts.  Quote:While I don't doubt your sincerity, I feel that you could have done it in a more professional way. People on here expected more of you because of your background and you failed to live up to that. Instead, you showed a simplistic, good ol' boy attitude to a complicated issue. Once again, I am not here as a professional any more than you are. And as for failing to live up to my profession, how about we let others in my profession be the judge of that, not you. In fact, if you asked people in my profession, they would no doubt tell you that my approach to this whole tiring ordeal would be much more in line with a professional/therapeutic approach to the issues than what others are offering. So, yeah, I am the professional. I am the therapist. I am the one who deals with this kind of thing day in and day out. So instead of all you non-Therapist folks who don't deal with this on a daily basis harping on me and saying "how utterly unprofessional and un-therapist like, Damien. You are disappointing", maybe you should be thinking more on the lines of "hmmm...sounds harsh...but he is a Therapist who spends day in and day out with this kind of thing...maybe he knows what he's doing."How about one person on this damned site giving me the fucking benefit of the doubt!?!