Quote:For some reason she's always telling me how good-looking i am, too. and that sorta makes me feel like thats the only reason she likes me.That does sound like depression and low self-esteem talking. Lots of people feel the same way, but if you think about it, there's no reason for the "only" at all. Depression tries to make you feel bad about yourself, so faced with compliments, it throws in an "only".In fact, your looks probably have an extra glow in her eyes because of the way she feels about the whole of you.
-
Girlfriend sexual dilemma
-
I'm sad to hear that. Depression is a huge red flag that should read to everyone that they need to be understanding and sensitive.Talk to her and ask her to be more understanding. I know she's not demanding but, at the same time, putting pressure on you will not help in anyway.Let her know how you're feeling and that this whole "giving her an orgasm" deal should be a slow and steady process.Relationships, especially sexual ones, need time to grow.-----To Emo_Boy: Lol, I know. I just couldn't help but laugh.
-
the thing is... she's already given me a blowjob. several to be exact.
-
So what?Honey, we all just found out that this is more about your self-esteem, rather than just being nervous. We can give you all these detailed tips but I can guarantee they won't do anything for you because, when you do it, you'll STILL be too nervous about making sure she has an orgasm and afraid to make her upset.She has to understand that depression and low self-esteem is serious and should not be taken lightly. You really need to talk to her and tell her you need her support, not her constant pressure. Half of sex is mental and, if you're too scared with all these thoughts and pressure on your shoulders, you can never give her what she wants. And both of you won't be happy.The best thing to do is have you and her take this one step at a time. Let yourselves grow as a couple and have your self-esteem grow as well. There's needs to be a lot of communication and understanding. Then, you can start being sexual and learn, bit by bit, how to pleasure each other in a more positive way, without all the pressure.I've seen this before, so I'm not really talking out of my ass, lol.
-
Originally Posted By: RadecklNo two people are alike, so no one is going to be able to tell you what turns her on like she can.No one should be expected to know everything automatically.The key is for her to communicate her desires to you and you to follow her lead and remember what turns her on.I guess it's nice when a Casanova comes along and knows what to do without direction, but, let's face it, there's very few people who know how without learning it.Instead of looking down on you for not knowing, she'll be so happy she is teaching you!Always be open to communication; meaning, don't be afraid to tell her what you like, too!There is a good way to communicate that and a nasty way to communicate that.The good way makes people feel good receiving the information and the nasty way hurts feelings.If she has the expectation that you should already know how to do everything, I think that spells trouble.All of life is a learning experience. This is, too! but i won't! that's what im trying to say. I've been reading up on it and it looks hard from what i've read. why can't it be like a penis in relativity to difficulty penis is just stroke it and it blows to sum it all up. yes theres different techniques to get farther into it but just using a the fist technique will get a guy going. For this, I read i should clip my nails, be really really gentle on her clit (which i have to find first but from diagrams i have a pretty good idea of where it is although it varies from girl to girl) start slow then go faster, stop as soon as she orgasms or it will "hurt" , and to finger a girl with one finger increasing tempo while stroking the clit. gah it's so complicated! also, the breathing thing. it'll be hard for me to even know if im pleasing her and i'd feel more embarrassed if i was asking her if it "felt right" but it wasn't feeling right. completely embarrassed. not to mention not being horny at all after it or in general while it was happening. she's also laughed when ill say things to try and make her feel dirty, or something along that lines, while she was giving me head and that makes me feel bad. do you guys think i should just end it? If im feeling this depressed over this it can't be good and its already interfered with school and my sleep habits and it's my senior year.
-
Originally Posted By: Decius08she's also laughed when ill say things to try and make her feel dirty, or something along that lines, while she was giving me head and that makes me feel bad. Not only is she putting pressure on you but she laughs? This chick doesn't get it.Well, I don't know how long you've been together but if you really talk to her about it, she has to be a lot more understanding and patient. And if that doesn't work out, then it doesn't seem worth it.
-
Your putting way to much though into this.You have an idea where the love button is, find it, stroke it, enjoy it. If you must, ask in sultry voice if "thats the spot". More than likely she's not going to lay there like a dead fish. You'll get some feed back and get an idea what she likes and what she doesn't. For the most part forget a lot of the shit you read, except the map, and learn from her.Start out simple don't go tryin' to get fancy with multiple fingers and a knuckle or whatever techniques you've read about.Get your finger moist by dipping it in, slide it around the love button, if it starts to dry moisten it again, pay attention to her body language.Your making it out to be more complicated than it is, if that alleviates your nerves any.
-
I'm just scared of not being able to succeed. I'm scared of telling her how i feel because i'll just be pityed and told its fine and then be commented on it again. like i said previously. the most embarrassing thing would be attempting and failing miserably. like not even coming close. I don't think I'd be able to even attempt again after that let alone speak to her for a while. I wouldn't feel like a man( for lack of better terms, yes i'm only 17 but you get what i mean by it hopefully). I know i'm putting a chunk of the pressure on myself although i'm inexperienced this way. she knows im not a virgin and i think that has to do with some of her thoughts. maybe i could be completely wrong. like, she doesn't realize what she's saying. and doesn't intend any of it. maybe i'm just selling myself short. I don't like this feeling...
- in response to oldfolks :
wouldn't you be embarrassed asking the question 5-6 times and then finally her finding it for you?
- in response to oldfolks :
-
My god, Oldfolks is right. You're taking this way over the extreme.It simply sounds, to me, that you are not ready for this. You're too nervous, scared and uncomfortable. You have other priorities (I'm talking about your feelings) you need to deal with your girlfriend before you continue taking this relationship to the next level.This isn't healthy and is only going to get worse.
-
what do i say when she gives me a blowjob then? i enjy that. she probably doesn't but :\
-
Why do you think she doesn't?
It's polite, I think, to let her know from time to time how good it feels. That's really all you need to say.
-
come on, you think any girl enjoys giving blowjobs? you must introduce me to them because i know of 6 girls who have done it and told me and they all dislike it. the main reason behind doing it is because they want to please their partner (from what i've heard).but now we're back to the original subject, her pleasuring me without me pleasuring her. you see? sorta like a conundrum. She'll eventually get tired of doing all the work and then call on me to do "that" and i won't be ready. that = fingering/blowjobs
-
I do believe your wrong on this. There are a lot of women, and men for that matter, that like the idea of sucking dick. Be wary of what most "girls" say, remember they are under pressure to not be thought of as sluts. Society says their not supposed enjoy it. If you wanna read about it there are plenty of threads on this site with plenty of women expounding on their love of giving head. Angel where are you this you man needs your reassurance.
-
the women on these forums have the guts to speak up about what pleases them sexually. that's what separates them from everyone else. all i know is that she only does it to please me so it makes me feel bad when i can't please her? as i explained twice before...blah blah blah....you get it? conundrum sort of thing?she has told me that she doesn't really enjoy it. only enjoys making me satisfied. hence, guilt.
-
And like I've been trying to tell you, is that this simply will not work, no matter how hard you try, unless you tell her in the eyes how you feel and she needs to be a hell of a lot more understanding about YOUR feelings.
Quote:
so it makes me feel bad when i can't please her?
You can't do anything at the moment because you are far too nervous and scared. And with her adding pressure and kicking you while you're down, WILL NOT HELP! Seriously, honey, what part of that you don't understand? :frowning:
Quote:
she has told me that she doesn't really enjoy it. only enjoys making me satisfied.
Okay, now I'm pissed. Since when was giving oral an acutal job!? I'm going to be straight with you. She has issues with putting her needs in front of your feelings.
A sexual relationship should be purely about love and having fun. Why don't you have a serious talk with her? -
I'm sort of scared. I've tryed before. It wasn't so successful. We ended up fighting and dint talk for like 8 hoursuntil i imed her (how stereotypical for the guy to have to resolve this >.> - sorry i just despise guys having to be the aggressive ones : I don't think a girl that has said she likes me call me :rolleyes: ) It's not like it's her job. like she absolutely has to do it. no. not like that. just when she does do it i mean, it's not like she loves doing that.
-
Originally Posted By: Decius08I'm sort of scared. I've tryed before. It wasn't so successful. We ended up fighting and dint talk for like 8 hours Oh man, why is that? Originally Posted By: Decius08It's not like it's her job. like she absolutely has to do it. no. not like that. just when she does do it i mean, it's not like she loves doing that.So then, why does she do it in the first place? So she can satisfy you?I don't know but if there's no feeling of love and wanting to pleasure you, then she might as well not do it. It's just a huge kick in the stomache for someone to say "I don't enjoy giving you pleasure".------If you're wondering why I'm so on your case about this is because this happened similar to me and my boyfriend early in our relationship. And it makes me sad that you're feeling so down about this whole situation. You see, my boyfriend suffers depression also. When we started dating, he was always saying how he feels less than of a man because he couldn't pleasure me like I do him. I told him straight out that I couldn't care less about that. I always told him that I love him for him and that sex is a special bonus. It's the love-making, not the orgasms, that make sex awesome.Later down the line, he began gaining more confidence and the self-inflicting comments started to lessen. We also had a conversation about oral sex. We told each other how much we love giving, rather than receive. I always let him know that I do it because I love to do it while making him happy. I don't do it because I feel like I have to.The whole point of my lame blabbering is to show you that the bond of your relationship ties into your sexual one. This is all a gradual process that takes both of your commitments. If she doesn't help you and understand what you're going through, it's simply not going to work. That is why communication is key, even though it can be scary. But you have to try if you want this to work.
-
That was very well said and done, Virtual_Star!
-
What a great post Virgin_Star.Listen to her Decius._________________________________________________________________Oops, sorry. That should have been Virtual_Star
-
LOL! Virgin_Star...oh man, what a lie!