its pretty sad the people around here
Ive searched like this entire board and havent found anyone that seems to have a real excuse to be majorly depressed like i do
Except that one guy who was like 32 and still a virgin.
Everyone else needs to get over that theyre "gf that went out with them 3 days broke up with them"
I'm 17, a guy, a complete virgin, never had a lasting girlfreind, im bi, and have never done anything with a guy, im ugly as fuck, never have had a best frend before, no one's ever "loved" me before, one of my wish-they-was best freinds just moved to st. louis, the other one is getting to old for me and we're drifting apart, i had a major cosmetic surgery to correct my deformed lookin nose, which still turned out bad, i get picked on everyday and bitched out by GIRLS at my school who hate me and think im a complete loser, my parents don't beleive me when i explain that my school life sucks and i wanna be homeschooled, they say "oh i think your imagining things i bet you really do have freinds" which no i don't and i really get depressed at school everyday, and my parents also don't beleive in anti-depressents cuz they think they're drugs, and i try so hard to find some weed to smoke or something to take my mind off all of this, but every time i get a chance, something gets in my way, also my parents wont let me drive. I wanna be a singer when i get older because im an amazing lyricist and songwriter but my voice sucks and it sounds like a drucken hillbilly hick. I'm also 5'4 and the shortest guy in my grade. I have bad acne, and hair that is so fuzzy and puffy that nothing can control it. When i turn 18, i dont wanna move out because i have no where to go, and im too depressed to actually get out and do something, because my job would also be miserable, unlike my best freind who is hot and gets girls all the time at his work. Every aspect of life is against me.
I think the ONLY thing missing from my life is my parents don't beat me, but the restrictions they put on me is emotional abusing enough.
I'm seriously going crazy. I once had a productive mind. I culd write music and do things i wanted. But now those things, like writing and playing piano, i can't even do anymore. I just NEED something good in my life to happen!
I need someone to come along!
Or I need something to make my confidence go up!
I don't want my whole life to be a "behind the scenes" life
I don't want to have wasted my whole teenage life living in fear and steped on and controled by everyone around me.
And i dont want to grow up and do a job that no one appriciates.
Like working in a factory.
It sucks that my best freind who literally has like a perfect life is out there street racing, risking his life all the time just to have fun, and not even caring about his own life, when his life would be one I would love to have, and he could simply give it away and not care....I hate people like that...
its pretty sad the people around here
ANd you know whats pretty damn sad too is i was going through all the threads i once posted and i posted one just like this listing soma the same stuff and this was over two years ago and only thing diff now is this is a longer list...
Quote:Ive searched like this entire board and havent found anyone that seems to have a real excuse to be majorly depressed like i do
I'm sorry but you have no idea how wrong you are. You can't compare your depression to everyone else's. The situations may be different, but the emotions are the same.
Just something you should keep in mind.
<span style='font-size: 14pt'><span style='font-family: Times New Roman'><span style="color: #3333FF">No matter how gifted, you alone can not chang...
> Ive searched like this entire board and havent found anyone that seems to have a real excuse to be majorly depressed like i do
Like Star said, you can NOT compare one depression to another (one thing I learned over my many years of depression).
Anyways, if you really want someone to be like you, then I'm your guy. Why do you think no one on this board has responded to your thread after I started posting in there? Because they know that I'm probably the only guy around who can actually say I know how you feel.
- I'm a virgin (probably always will be, but I don't care about it so it doesn't bother me)
- I've had a girlfriend, but lost her due to my own stupid fault.
- I'm ugly
- I had one best friend. I watched him get hit by a car and die.
- No one has ever loved me. I've never even had a hug in my entire ilfe before.
- I have no friends (I've had maybe 5 friends my entire life; I'm 18).
- I used to get picked on everyday by everyone around (including [extended] family, neighbors, anyone who ever came in contact with me pretty much)
- At least your parents care, right? I never had that. Ever.
- Also, I used to have glasses which I hated, but I have contacts now.
- I have Type 1 Diabetes, which is incurable and I'll have to deal with it the rest of my life.
So if you really need to find someone who has a similar "reason" to be depressed, there's a few of them for you.
It's not like you gave overwhelming "excuses" to be depressed. From what it looks like, you're just a normal teenager.
Like the others said, you can't compare your situation to others and say they don't have valid reasons to be depressed.
What if I told you should grow some balls and deal with it? Would you feel invalid? Nonexistant? Well, when you tell people they don't have a reason to feel the way they do, you are invalidating their feelings.
<span style="color: red">~~Don't make someone a priority when you're only an option~~</span>
>>>never have had a best frend before,...
>>>unlike my best freind who is hot and gets girls...
>>>It sucks that my best freind ....
I agree with your parents, you're a lil confused about not having friends. We all have inner deamons, even those you see as having a *perfect* life. First of all, that does not exist. The perfect life belongs to those who die in the crib and never had to experience all the drama and BS of being alive. So in that sense, you will never have a perfect life cuz you didn't die way back in the day.
If you're a great lyricist, you can collaborate with someone who does have a good voice and they can sing your songs. I'm currently in that process because I have a bad voice too, but my neighbor has a good singing voice. HEY, you can even make a friend this way, maybe a BEST FRIEND.
Keep doing what you love man, the people who become the most successful are usually the outcasts of society. Not the super popular everyone wants they're phone number type people. It's very easy to lose intrest in some superficial ass popular kid. People with substance and value and ideas are the ones who come out on top. And all artists MUST suffer for their art to be genuine expression, otherwise you have a lot of artists who are creating shit, like most that are out there today.
Alright well to StillSearching
Anyway to clear it up for everyone first, yea, I do have 1 best freind, he's not a bad guy, but he happens to be that 1 in a million guy basically.
Cuz he's generally all around that "cool guy" who really does get to know people for who they are.
Like, basically, he hasn't washed his clothes in over 6 months, rarely takes a shower, and all that mess, and he has such naturall good looks that the girls are STILL all over him.
And he's a really good freind at times, it just sucks, cuz no matter how much i try to be attractive or whatever, he always gets the attention, just cuz on that feild, me and him are exact opposites, and he's on the good end.
And it just sucks for me, because i feel like shit when i look at how his life is.
But hey StillSearching im sorry about the your best freind died in a car accident. The way things look for me tho, i imagine that happening to me, i worry about it all the time. My best friend is always street racing, and has a reputation for driving stupid, and he's already had 2 wrecks. When i tell him that basically "why do you race? you could get killed?" and he says "well if i die at least i had fun"...and when i mention he's the only freind i have, and if he died, ide pretty much have nothing....he still doesnt seem to care....i just think it's selfish but oh well...
Oh yeah forgot if i mentioned it or not, but im pretty much gay, with the exeption there's a few girls i would do. A disease all in its self, at least that's what it is to most people. People hate you, and you get treated like your contagious.
> yea, I do have 1 best freind
Well that's one more than I have, so you're already off to a good start.
Even though it doesn't sound like he's a good friend at all. Maybe you need to somehow make him realize that he needs to listen to what you have to say sometimes (like you worrying about him getting killed).
> People hate you, and you get treated like your contagious.
Actually, the obviously gay guys I saw in school were always hanging out with the hottest chicks. Always thjought it was weird, but since then I've seen several examples of the same thing (gay + hot chicks chilling) so that may seem normal somehow.
yeah ive noticed that....but im not flamboyant or anything...
I'm just kinda the nerdy type of gay guy so that doesn't really work...
Also kinda depends on where ya live...the southeastern US is pretty much anti-gay, where places like Cali prolly have gay mayors and mess and no one cares.
And i live smack right in the middle of a boonie town in Tennessee where alotta people's parents are over 50 when the kids are just 5 years old.
So yeah, my town pretty much reflects what people thought a really long time ago.
One thing I've noticed about is that you put a LOT of emphasis on stereotypes. For example, you think you have a "wrong" nose, based on looking at other people. You can't look the "rocker" type (because of your nose). You think all ugly people are unhappy. You get my point.
Don't you ever want to make up your own mind about things like this? Why do you want to let everyone but yourself decide things for you?
1. Video Games do not excite me.
2. I don't have any freinds to hang out with (now officaly the only two people i had will never be my freinds again cuz they hate me now)
3. Nerdy things like pokemon cards dont entertain me.
4. I HATE sports
5. I love music and ide like to be in a band but my parents won't let me.
6. I dont have that cool look so no one wants to be in a band with me.
7. Drugs and sex and alchohol and freinds and having good looks is the only things that can entertain me, and ive fully went over the reasons i can't get a single ona those.
Im a "social, out-going, rock hard, party person" stuck in a insanely ugly person's body/face.
I was literally born in the wrong body i think.
I may not be a doctor, but I'm in Second level Psychology, and I have learned that Depression isn't just about circumstances. It's also about interpretation. A man who lost his family, eyesight, dog, and life savings in a fire can be entirely happy, while a man who lose his World of Warcraft girlfriend will commit suicide.
Fact: chemical receptors feed off habitual emotion.
The longer you're depressed, the harder it is to become un-depressed
Fact: Depression is as much a physical ailment as it is a mental one.
The Body and the Mind are integral to one another. They may be treated as a virtual world in a physical body, but in reality, even your thoughts are directly connected to the physical realm. Theoretically, if you could read chemical synapses, you could read thoughts.
I'm not trying to tell you what to think, or claim to "treat" you, or whatever else you may interpret this as. I am telling you that you cannot claim you are the only 'really' depressed person. Depression is a physical ailment as well as mental ailment. One can cause the other. The way a person is raised will define how their body treats their emotions and in some extreme cases, depressive thoughts and feelings can be caused by simply dropping your candy cane. (That's an extremely introverted case though).Quote:I'm 17, a guy, a complete virgin, never had a lasting girlfreind, im bi, and have never done anything with a guy, im ugly as fuck, [et al]
I was a virgin until I was 18. Being honest, I felt depressed about it at the time, too. Now I wish I'd never lost it (mainly for romantic reasons, I'm a sap)
An over whelming majority of my ex girlfriends have left me for little to no reason for someone else (assuming they didn't cheat on me first). That gets me down sometimes to.
Why is being Bi so bad? Do what you want. Why does it matter if you've never been with a guy? Lots of poeple go into their 20s without having ever done anything with anyone. My friend Steve for example: he surfs christian clubs for girls to play spades with.
You're ugly as fuck: who cares? You can't change what you are. I can't change that my back curls like child Forest Gump and my tongue bleeds when I eat. I can't change that I'm never going to be taller than 5'6" and 135 lbs, and I've never been heavier than any of my ex girlfriends.
To be honest, it sounds to me as though you have convinced yourself that you should hate your life and yourself.
I agree, RainNightBlue.
And you may not know that Someone young has in fact posted his pictures here, and he is not in the least bit ugly. It's remarkable how the mind can see things in such a distorted way.
Many times, people see what they need to see to keep the receptors in their minds full of negative chemical synapses.
You have to think positive.
i love to talk to phyciatrists, not because i take advice from them, but because they are the only people who are on the same mentality level as me (all phyciatrists have scientific ideas for depression, but they all think it has to do with chemical imbalances, while i think that, even though being ugly may not cause depression, i think that being ugly will always cause you to have a bad life no matter what, and the chemicals in your brain decide how much you can handle that, and in my case, i can't handle it, and i think im ona the only true depressed people, because i have major problems, and if any of those ever fix their self, even for a day, i love life and i get so happy, untill the problems come back.
I love chain reactions, i beleive that everything in life connects with something else and makes it happen. That's the point of alot of time travel movies. you can go back in time and step on a bug, and 1000000000000 years later the world may be way different.
Ok ima say my "chain reaction" for having a bad life, but not necisarily being depressed, because im a naturally happy person.
Toddler years - I was born really ugly and weird looking,and ive always looked different from other kids in a weird way.
Kindergarten - It is a proven fact that kids, even in kindergarten, form connections with people who look more normal or "like them". That's why in kindergarten, different raced kids dont talk to each other much and the kids seem to start to "pair up" with kids who seem to be the most like them on the outside. Black kids talk to black kids, whites to whites, uglies to uglies, cuties to cuties. Its the most simple example of human connection. And so when i go into kindergarten looking very different and almost "special", no one ever talked to me in kindergarten (and yes i have a outstanding memory, i remember so many days and occurences in my kindergarten class and how i felt on things then). People did in my class actually think i was "special" as many people in my class thought at first thought i was handicapped in someway, like once i raised my hand in class and one girl said "i thought he couldnt talk!" meaning she thought i had something wrong with me. in another instance, someone thought i was deaf, and that it was the reason no one talked to me....and if you look "special" little kids tend to blame things on "there must be something wrong with your brain" instead of its just the fact that you look so different from them that they wont talk to you. And so in kindergarten, kids make friends or dont, and the kids who look normal and make friends suddenly start their life of being accepted and in a cool group of kids, while the loner kids are forced to keep themselves occupied being alone so they get into nerdy things like video games and pokemoncards, so they're, from kindergarten, forced to be sorta in a loser group they're whole life. Cuz like, in my experiace, kids dont MAJORLY form hobbies and interests until kindergarten or afterward. the time before kindergarten, kids will just generally "be interested in many random guy or girl things" and nothing will be too specific. Pretty much always its either Disney Princesses, or Batman and X-men.
And so, if you are ona the people who look ugly and different, you will be forced into being alone and being into nerdy stuff no matter what, and by the time you grow up, you wont realize you only "love world of warcraft" because you've never experianced anything more fun. And that was me till 3 years ago,, i thought i loved my life, but i slowly started seeing the things normal people do, like sex, parties, friends, fasion, and social life, and i realized that's what im into...and whats holding me back from all that is STILL how i look!
and if being ugly, a loner, and not being able to experiance a single thing i love because of my status and look, of coarse it'd cause me to be depressed...who wouldnt be depressed if they couldnt do a single thing they loved to do or couldnt even get a decent looking girlfreind?
And yes you can change how you look, thats what plastic surgery is for. and i had my nose done, although the doctor was a scam artist and absolutely ruined my nose and made it deformed, and now its collapsing and i have trouble breathing and my nose looks like someone broke it majorly. and im planning on getting it fixed this summer.
But thing was, my nose actually looked good for the first couple months after the surgery (it takes a whole year for a nose job to heal and looks right, its a long process) but my nose was still sorta swollen for the first few months as all nose jobs do, and it covered up all the deformites and bad places and sink ins, and made it look normal, and i looked amazing....and guess what??????
For the first time, i was soooo happy, and i made tons of friends, girls were all over me, and i was being social, and i was accepted my so many people, just because my deformity was temporarily fixed and i looked normal and cool and i was happier and more confident.
And i noticed, as SOON as my nose started to collapse because of a bad healiing issue, which occasionally happens in nose jobs, all doctors say so, my nose started to look real funny, and now i have a deviated septum, which makes my nose veer to the left, and makes a huge dent in my nasal bride, and since the diviate septum formed in the middle of the healing process, it ruined how the tip of my nose looks and healed, and same with the rest of my nose, and now i have trouble breating also.
But i noticed as soon as my nose started looking really weird, peope started treating me worse, girls weres as all over me, people generally didnt see to accept me anymore,and it caused me to be really depressed again.
And I KNOW that my nose, and how my face looks, subconsiosly effected how people thought of me, as everyone usually likes people better if they look better, and find people annoying no matter what if they are ugly. And although no one sits there and says i have ugly nose, your nose tremndously effects how you looks, and me, it makes me look chubby and "special" in the face since my nose is so wide an the tip is so wide, and in turn, it makes people think i look different and loserish in general.
Ive even had one person say that i looked somehow better at the first of the school year (right after the nose job) than now.
and i took tons of picures at the begginning of the school year after suregy and my nose was smaller and i looked so cool and kinda hot. and pictures now, i look like a loser and really weird, because my nose, becuse of the bad healing and cartiladge deformites, my nose became alot bigger again and more fatty, and again almost just like my old nose (even all the nose doctors say that the cartiladge in your nose, if you make it skinnier, will try to flare back out until the scar tissue heals, which takes months. and my doctor didnt properly push that cartiladge together enogh and it healed still wide and fatty looking.)
And i know its a subconcious thing in people cuz i told NO ONE at scchool that i had a nose job.
Your are like 1 out of 3 peopel in the world that have said i look normal and dont add anything like "but your not hot" or "your cut but well i probably wouldnt get with you though your not my type"
So your not really gonna convince me....
Like every girl ive ever met says "im cute but not their type" and when EVERY single person says that, it means im no one's "type" and no one's type is "ugly" cuz no one wants someone who is 100% unnatractuive and not hot in ANY way, so im ugly.
And like i said, i mean im ugly to the fullest, i have absoutely NO and not 1 attractive feature about me, every SINGLE thing on my body is either defomed, bad, or just bad.
My hair = puffy strange afro if i dont spend 20 mins straigtning or geling it.
Eyes = one is a slight lazy eye, and that same eye socket is crooked, because when i was a little kid i had a injury to that area.
Nose = MAJORLY deformed. I have maybe the world record biggest , fattest, rounded tip of the nose on a white person. The bridge and nasal bone is sunken down and collapsing, called a Saddle Nose Deformity which is common in bad nasal surgeries which i had.
Mouth = I have a constant natural frown because of stressd and baggy facial skin.
Jaw = i have maybe the widest jaw in my school, many of people make fun of it.
Chin = my chin is unlevel, like this \ only definatly not as bad and barely noticable.
Neck = naturaly wide neck muscsles that are wider than my face at at "looking down" position, making my neck look like John Hcck's (jeffree star's freind/maybe ex-boyfriend).
Shoulders = i have really wide shoulder, as i get many comments from strangers asking me if i play football. This does not work with the style im going for, which effects everything.
Chest = i have a deformity in my chest which doesn't allow me to have "muscle boobs" at all, which i sorta want them.
Stomach = I have a beer belly dispite i look anrexic (explained next)
Back = i have a severe introverted back, causing my very skinny belly to stick out a disporportionate level and also causing me to walk funny (my back looks like a "S" )
Thighs = i have naturally beefy thighs (from my mom) not good on a guy.
Butt = i have a black girl butt, and people make fun of me for it, cause by my back deformity.
Genitals = i have a pearly pauples or whatever the fuck, its like a tremendous white head breakout on your genitals, and looks like a std although it isnt. and ive had it since 6th grade.
Legs = i have hairy bear legs which ive recieved so much shit for.
Knees = my knees are really deformed and knotted.
Lower legs = i have tremendous leg muscles that look awful
Feet = size 12, hairy, deformed arch, and both "big toe" 's are so big that i had to have surgery on them because wearing shoes with them caused me to have ingrown toenails.
BUT the only things im concerned about right now, cuz i dont care about the other, is my back, my hair, and my nose, so i think im being pretty sensible.
Also one thing, i think ide be ok looking, if i was a football player. the whole "thick, buff, husky, beat up, dented bones, and stressed" look i have is just like many football people my age.
Difference there is i absolutely hate football, never played it or even WATCHED it a day in my life. Im the exact oposite, personality and fashionwise, of a football player.
On the inside, im sorta a Scene/Emo/Hardcore/Rockerish guy who loves metal and fashion and shops at Pac Sun/Hottopic and listens to bands like Cradle Of Filth, In Flames, Avenged Sevenfold, Atreyu, Marily Manson, ect, ect.....and my whole body and look doesnt fit that at ALLLL! -_-
And just one more thing to agrivate you people.
If ANY of you were to ever think my avatar is ME then no, read my signiture.
I'm a 17 year old guy.
That avatar is Jade, my favorite singer.
So hopefully no one got confused there.
Quote:And so, if you are ona the people who look ugly and different, you will be forced into being alone and being into nerdy stuff no matter what, and by the time you grow up, you wont realize you only "love world of warcraft" because you've never experianced anything more fun. And that was me till 3 years ago,, i thought i loved my life, but i slowly started seeing the things normal people do, like sex, parties, friends, fasion, and social life, and i realized that's what im into...and whats holding me back from all that is STILL how i look!
I'm sorry but I can't help but feel a bit bothered by this comment. Personally, I'm not hot by media standards and I'm very different, but I don't fit that mold you made up.
I'm a plain jane, tomboy-ish type of girl. I never wear makeup, I don't fix up my hair, and the only shoes I wear are my Converse. I could very easily make a list of my physical flaws, like you did. But I'm sure everyone else in the world can do the same. I mostly wear jeans and graphic tees, mostly of Japanese mascot designs, animated shows, and other things people would consider are for kids only. I'm a video game junkie, listen to Japanese music, and go to conventions that no person with diginity would dare to go.
So, basically, I'm a geek who's into geeky stuff. But I wasn't "forced" into this stuff. I'm into this stuff because I like them ever since I was ten, just like how people are into sports, music, books, or whatever. And just because I'm an unattractive geek doesn't mean I'm missing out in life. I don't like parties, modern fashion is not for me, and sex is overrated, lol.
Here's what I'm trying to get at though. Realisticly, I'm not "hot" and neither is my boyfriend. I don't take care of myself because I'm not really vain in the first place. We're not models, we're just regular people. But we still have a lot of confidence because we encourage one another. And because of it, I feel attractive. I'm still not a size two, but who fucking cares? Random strangers don't know who I am. Looks can only go far. Beauty is not forever, but who you are is. Even if you spend a million dollars on plastic surgery, you're still the same you inside.
Even before I met him, I still had the same attitude (minus the confidence boost). I always believed that no one should ever have to change who they are or how they look for anyone. It's a matter of finally realizing what people think about you doesn't matter. How you look isn't what's holding you back. You're holding yourself back. Because these ignorant people told you these things, you're now putting physical looks on a high pedestal. Even to the point where you're making the same shallow judgements.
You shouldn't have to change your appearence because some dumb fuck makes a comment about you. In the end, you're going to be happier being yourself rahter than having to conform yourself to satisfy society. I understand if you want to fit somewhere and be friends with other people. But you're fine just the way you are, and if someone says something, fuck them. People do that because they're insecure about themselves and they need to put down others to make them feel better.
If someone else says something about you nose or anything else, tell them to pull their head out of their ass so they can see better. You're a human being and deserve to be treated with respect.
<span style='font-size: 14pt'><span style='font-family: Times New Roman'><span style="color: #3333FF">No matter how gifted, you alone can not chang...
Yeah, i mean people like you definatly are yourselfs.
I mean yes there are alotta people out there who like unpopular things because that's just them and even if they were to experiance other things they don't like them.
But there's also people like me who LOVE to be socially popular, LOVE to go to parties and LOVE to be stylish and stuff like that.
I mean i have nothing else to do with my life.
Whereas you go to conventions, and have your boyfreind, and the confidence that comes along with that, because your being yourself, i have nothing.
I just want to be myself, and just because 'myself' is someone who loves social and popular things, doesn't mean thats not 'myself'
If the things i liked werent popular, ide still like them.
Ide still like parties if all the supposed 'dorks' went to them.
I'de still love fashion even if only 'dorky' people were into fashion.
All you people seem to think that everyone is naturally nerdy, and choose to be into social and popular things just because they are shallow and hot.
You don't get that it just so happens that many things that i like to do can only be done by hot and popular people and thats why im depressed.
But yeah i still do think there are people like me, mainly people who were born deformed in some way, who would much rather live a normal social life than being stuck home all day doing things by themselves and looking a certian way that is ugly "to them".