Got a question... I'm seeing a very nice lady who was infected with Herpes many years ago by her ex-husband. She hasn't had any 'outbreaks' in many years, but knows that she still has this virus, so told me about it before we ever got to that level in our relationship. My ex-wife had many affairs during our marriage, hence the EX-wife, and had several cases of cold sores every year and took Valtrex for it, and I have had cold sores on my lips over the years after exposure to desert sun... My question is this: are condoms the only safe method of sex with this woman, or are we both infected with the Herpes virus, or am I comparing apples/oranges? Is oral sex safe? If this relationship becomes a serious, monagamous one (which it might very well), what are our options then? I know I may sound stupid, but I just don't know these answers...
Welcome to A2A, woohoo.
It's likely you have different strains, so you could infect each other.
Usually the infectivity is low except during and just before an outbreak: at those times it is very high. If this lady hasn't had an outbreak in years, there's a good, but not watertight, chance you won't get it even without a condom, but a condom would improve your safety a lot.
Oral sex is not perfectly safe, and you'll both have to judge the risks.
Thank you for your prompt reply!