I'm sorry I've been gone for so long, but I need help with something. I don't remember what I referred to him as in my last post, but my best friend and I have been talking to each other and we're better than ever now. We talk openly, about ALMOST everything, and it gets to me emotionally, because he's told me he wants kids and he's in a wheelchair (he is able to...well, y'know...) I want him to have kids, it seems like that's the only thing he wants some days.WE both have health issues, so the two of us getting together and having kids is a bit scary to think about. I want him to be happy, but he's kinda content being single, granted he is almost 18, but still. I want to have children with him, I want to raise a family, because I feel that nobody will ever match up to my relationship with my bff, and I am not comfortable with any men besides the bff in that aspect of life. If anything, I see myself more being with a woman and raising a family with her if not with my best friend. (I am bi, you guys all helped me come out roughly 10 months ago.) I love him, but I don't think I'm "in love" with him like I used to be. I verrrry recently tried to be in a relationship, but the guy was very shallow and he told me it wouldn't work out. My best friend was there for me, and he said that I had to get on with my life and the other guy was a waste of my time. Its difficult for me to see him with other girls that aren't family or mutual friends, because I'm afraid that if he's in a relationship with one of them, I'm gonna be left out in the cold, and I can't be pushed out of another guy's life because of an insecure g/f. My bff has been here for me through my hospital stays, threats of a divorce b/t my 'rents, and tons of other stuff, I don't ever wanna lose him, he's like my soulmate almost. I've told him that I love him and he just says okay and hangs up. I don't mean it in a romantic way, I don't know how to put it though. There was a time (like 3 months ago) where things got sexual and almost led to a bj, I was serious (mostly), but I'm not sure whether he was serious or not. I'm still attracted to him, but its just become a routine thing my brain picks up on. I just don't know anymore, I, for some reason, care about him more than I care about myself. What should I tell him or what should I do?
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Well....
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Welcome back! There's no need to rush anything, surely? If your best friend is happy to stay friends, and you are not sure what you want, then I don't think you want to rush into anything, but see what time brings.Bringing up a child is difficult and stressful - even more if the child has genetic health issues. Before starting on that, you want to be very sure the two of you can last the distance. That doesn't necessarily need a strong attraction, but you would need to be able to live with each other indefinitely, and it needs a lot of commitment. Would you be able to handle the thoughts of what it might have been like with a girl instead?
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I'm only 17 now, so there's plenty of time for raising a family. The thing is, we tried the dating thing and whatnot and he's not physically attracted to me, so that went nowhere. Its our "Plan B" that if we aren't both with someone in x amount of years, or i'm with another girl and he's alone or with a guy, that we'd have children and raise them. I'm planning on artificially getting it done, so no sex involved. I spend a lot of time in his house, I've spent weekends there and his mom is never home, like EVER. I do stuff for him while I'm over there, the cooking, helping clean, doing laundry, and other stuff too. I know how to wake him up in the morning, I know what he likes, what he hates, how he likes things done, etc. My genetic issue isn't purely genetic, but his SMA is genetic, and the SMA worries me more than my spina bifida.For the last two years, I've been thinking about spending the rest of my life with a woman, actually I've always thought of it. For me, it's solidly more comforting than being with a man. Because of stuff that happened to me when I was younger that my bff knows about and has helped me get through some of that terrifying garbage.I still want my bff to be there, he says that we'll never lose touch and get through all the tough stuff together.
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He does seem a very nice person.
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He's the best person I've ever met, and since he told me about a2a, I assume he has an account. I just don't know if I can live without him. Call me crazy, but he is what matters most to me outside of family, he's practically my everything. I don't know how much I mean to him though. There have been a few times, when we're at his house and his mom is out where things do get a little "weird" but in the end it gets laughed off, and it kinda freaks me out a bit. I like it, I would do more than half the stuff we normally talk about at 3 in the morning during the summer.