Child Love Lessons

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Ok, so yesterday at the Mall my sister and I saw this big mean looking caucasian woman yanking her son and screaming at him not to leave her side. This sparked a conversation about whether abuse or "discipline" was necessary or not to raise a kid. I believed that it should never be used because there are other alternative that can be very effective. Like taking away their electronics, and when grounding them not to their room but somewhere seriously not fun and making sure they stay there. Or whatever punishment without using an open hand. But my sister saw it in a different way. She argued that its not abuse and you shouldn't hit them until they bleed but like a hard spanking right after you find out they had done something extremely bad or against your rules. My sister thought it should only be used sparingly though so it doesn't border into child abuse. I know there is no right or wrong answer but I thought this was an interesting topic about parenting.

Do you think its necessary to "discipline" kids in a physical manner?

Originally Posted By: aznthighsDo you think its necessary to "discipline" kids in a physical manner? Depends on the kid. Some need it, some don't. A swat on the rear gets their attention quickly and effectively, which can be a good thing if they're doing something dangerous. That said, there is a right way and a wrong way to administer discipline...and it need not only be physical.I'd like to see somebodies definition of abuse vs discipline in this context, though. The true difference is in the intent, not the action. Ever try and prove intent? It's usually not so easy.

I agree.I single, quick spank can get the message across pretty quickly, but some parents take it too far.

Quick spank, flick of the ear is all.However, you can still do just as bad damage to a kid psychologically. Some parents take their forms of disciplin as a WHOLE too far.

A quick spank or flick does work well to get their attention. I know we are people, but in nature, the mother animal will strike quickly if their young does something wrong. Usually the "punishment" doesn't hurt the young though, and it is over, no future belittling or otherwise. Caleb probably knows this one well, watching a mare with a foal, and if the foal gets out of line, the mare throws it a kick and the foal learns quickly how to behave. Same with dogs, a quick snap and snarl, and the puppy learns what it isn't supposed to do.People have to think things through, and in real life there are future consequences for bad actions now. I think it always depends on the situation as to how to handle discipline. As mentioned earlier, it depends on the kid too. Some things there are natural consequences that a kid SHOULD deal with, and other times the natural consequences are far too dangerous. Some things, are going to have future ramifications, and it just has to be enforced, and other times, it is getting them to stop and think of what the right thing to do is.But then, I am one of those parents that none of the kids on this board would want....

Quote:woman yanking her son and screaming at him not to leave her side. I don't know, I have done this. I did it because I have a fear of my kids wandering away and getting kidnapped and killed or running ahead of me and getting hit by a car. I don't think that makes me an abusive mother.Taking toys away or grounding does NOT work. My punishments are usually physical labor like clean the garage, clean the basement, writing assignments etc.

I had a harness leash for my kids when they were little...I got the DIRTIEST looks, but my kids were within 3 feet at all times, and SAFE. They don't ditch me at the stores or otherwise now.The boy on the other hand is too big for a leash, and I have to hold his wrist to keep him close, if I just hold his hand he wriggles free. He HATES it, so is getting better about staying close. He hates me kissing him too, so I do THAT in public instead of spanking..hehe

Originally Posted By: PepsiChaserI had a harness leash for my kids when they were little...I got the DIRTIEST looks, but my kids were within 3 feet at all times, and SAFE. They don't ditch me at the stores or otherwise now.My nephew had the coolest thing a couple of years ago. It was like a monkey backpack thing. You know, a backpack that looks like a monkey on his back. But the monkey had a long tail that his Daddy or Mommy or Uncle Damien could use as a leash. The response of strangers to that apparatus was pretty consistent. They thought it was the cutest thing they had ever seen. (Of course, it helps that he's so darned cute.) It think it helped that it didn't look so much like a dog leash.

I believe that any form of corporal punishment (spanking, hitting, slapping, etc) is wrong and can escalate to abuse. Studies have shown that the use of physical punishment can cause children to be violent (since they are hit at home, they may think it's okay to hit other kids to get their way), and can cause other serious issues. It can also lead to resentment and fear.Also, I don't believe in the use of harness for children. THEY ARE NOT DOGS!You can disagree if you want, but this is how I feel.

I agree with the others.My 3 brothers, my sister, and I were RAISED under the belt. And we needed it. We were very... very bad children. I'm not scarred for life nor do I scream child abuse. But I'm more disciplined and respectful when it comes to my elders and I know how to handle certain situations.Definitely depends on the child because I've seen some mothers beating their child like they robbed a bank. They can be ridiculous and you're just like wow... someone is not ready to be a mother.

Had one of those for my son! he kept all sorts of shit in that and wore it when we were hiking, by the time he was 30 months oldthough he was to big for it. They makea few of them, he had the monkey one and a dog one.that littlebackpack carried alot of rocks heliked and acorns and shit he found while hiking with us.last weekend we did a 2 milehike to start out the walks of spring, he kept up no problem and we only had to take one break for him to rest. Last summer I had him onone trip that went 8 miles, I carried him for about 3 of them, but he still did 5 miles! Do the same 2 mile hike this coming weekend, and damnedI wish I had a restraint for him!

Spankings all around. My siblings and I got spankings, grounding, nose in the corner, etc. Nothing worked quite as well as a belt. I'd get grounded for sneaking out. Two weeks later I was at it again until dad caught me and beat me like a red headed step child. I never tried to sneak out again.And when I say 'beat'. I don't mean I was an abused child. I mean, I did something wrong and nothing else worked and an ass-busting was in order.I think children just respond differently to different types of punishiment. I responded better to spankings. My sister responded better to being grounded or having something taken away. My brother..well usually you could just talk to him and he'd get it.I think today we live in a world where people are to concerned with hurting our children's feelings and trying to our child's friend. That's not our job. They have peers for that. Our job is to parent our children and teach them right from wrong. 'Friendship' comes later when your child is grown and doesn't need as much guidance but comes to you on their own for it when they do need it. I'm like that with my mom now. She is my best friend and I tell her everything.I know some people think my parents did a horrible job raising my siblings and me. But ask those same people how good their relationship is with their parents and they'll tell you it's horrible.And something most people should keep in mind. When our parents were children - hell even when I was a child - spankings were a norm. We did get the belt when we misbehaved. It was okay for you to ride your bicycle w/o a helmet. People had enough common sense to not put paint chips in their mouth. Not everyone made the cheerleading squad, football team, or softball team. We turned out all right. I miss that quite frankly would've saved us a lot of lost softball games if we could actually hold try outs and cut people. Can't do that anymore b/c we're too concerned with hurting people's feelings. Same thing with spankings - we're too afraid of hurting our kids feelings or damaging them somehow. Children are resilient and in some cases just like dogs. You swat your dogs nose..he pouts and 5 minutes later he's right back in your lap.And people, there is a HUGE difference in a swat or spanking and child abuse. Child abuse? Kelsey Briggs. Spanking? Just a way to discipline your child so they'll behave. Only an opinion but I fully intend to spank my children when they're old enough to be spanked.

Originally Posted By: cenfath Only an opinion but I fully intend to spank my children when they're old enough to be spanked. So what do you consider old enough? The kids I know, who are best behaved, are ones who were spanked so young that they don't remember it, but KNOW that mom and dad will do it. If they get bigger, and then you start, then there are issues, those are the kids who believe that you're murdering them, not disciplining them. My 3 oldest, were swatted while in diapers, (only hard enough to make a noise on their diaper) until oh, IDK, about 3 or 4, the youngest of them is 15 in 3 weeks, and no spanks needed on any of the three for about 6 years. And after 3 or 4yrs old, each only got maybe 2 more spankings as they grew.My 2 youngest, they are a whole other story. The boy hates spankings, he knows they are a last resort, and thinks that if your gonna spank him you hate him. The girl, thinks it is a reason to grab a weapon and fight back...Though, she is getting better all the way around, she is still more or less, a hard child. NOTHING works with her instantly. Consistency is an absolute with her. What ever it is, you have to stay on top of it no matter WHAT until she learns that it isn't ever going to work for her.

I think it depends but my mom was 'swatting' our hands when we started walking and started telling her 'no'. Mostly because we were sticking our hands near the electrical outlets. So I would say while they're still in diapers, but that's just me. My niece is crawling around putting things in her mouth now and she gets a swat on the hand and told 'no' for it. It doesn't hurt her but it shocks her and she gets upset b/c it scares her but she doesn't continute to put things in her mouth that she shouldn't. I do my best to make sure that stuff isn't in the floor for her to get to but sometimes I miss the penny in the floor or the M&M my brother dropped in the floor (that happened yesterday).