Taking the place of a father?

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Um... do you guys think that one of the reasons "a girl" is always in a relationship with a guy is because of her lack of a father? I don't think that's true.. at least I didn't. But I was speaking with my "mentor" and he told me that when girls are always in a relationship with a guy it's usually because they never had a father.

I don't know how to feel about that... does he mean like... that love you never got from your dad is what you're looking for in a guy? That sounds weird... I dunno. The thing is I kind of believe him. Because one of my friends is always throwing herself at guys and her father hates her mother and is always speaking badly about her mother towards her and he never treats either of them right. And then my best friend's father left when she was 3 and she's only spoken to him twice in her lifetime and her mother is a lesbian who never stays home so she's being taken care of by her aunt... and even myself. I find myself always needing someone. Like.. I can't be alone? I have plenty friends and a supporting mother and siblings. And I love my boyfriend but... I don't really know if what I'm saying makes sense. I may just be rambling. Sorry, I'm just confused.

its not the same kind of love from the bf and the father. if they're lacking a father, they will try to find love else-where. and having a bf is one of them.

Quote:if they're lacking a father, they will try to find love else-where. and having a bf is one of them. I totally agree with this. My father was never in the picture. Looking back at my past relationships, I was putty in the hands of any guy that showed me some affection.

I to have found that to be true. I also noticed that if someone had a bad relationship with their opposite gendered parent, (Son/mother and daughter/father) that they managed to find a partner that was like them. So if a girl had an abusive dad, she usually finds an abusive man, and then tries like hell to fix it! Sort of like, if they couldn't fix the wounds with their parent, they think they can fix it through the partner. It rarely if ever works. It isn't so much true love, as it is trying to fix old problems, or fill in holes. Maturity and awareness usually brings in more healthy relationships. I know for me, I still had crappy relationships for a while, but I had more control in them, and saw the red flags more readily after I mended my relationship with the dad who raised me, and accepted the new (and wonderful) relationship I could have with my real father who wasn't in the picture growing up.

wait so he's right?

I think so. I saw it in my own life, and I see it in friends, and younger family members...

In my relationship, my wife looked for a man that had what her father was missing. I believe there may be some truth to seeking companionship with another male as a result of a missing father. On the other hand, it is no better to have a father around who neglects and treats you inferior.

badarnit...is it possible I'm with my bf for the wrong reasons?

Each one of us seeks out a partner for one reason or another. In your case, I think honesty within yourself as to why you are with him would give you the answer you want. I can't say if you're with him for the wrong reasons. As for myself, growing up with no mother affected me emtionally. I had to learn how to love, I know, weird. I never wanted to open up and always had walls guarding my heart. Neither one was right but that was my coping method. It may be the same for you as well.

It is always POSSIBLE, but like a2a08 said, you gotta get real with yourself...and being Christian, I would think that you're dating for marriage, so figure out what you would want to be MARRIED to, as I think that would help you decide what your doing with this guy...then look for the guy you would want to marry...he is out there somewhere, if you don't already have him.