I need GUYS to reply to this. I need help quick. I'm in a relationship with a guy for over 2 years. We totally trust each other and neither have cheated so far. He has a lot of female friends which I've been comfortable with for some time now; however an old love interest of his (he saw this girl a couple of times after we broke up once) contacted him. Then yesterday he told me that he had plans to talk to her about relationship problems she was having. He said he'd contact me when they were done talking, that was about 6:07pm. I just got a text msg from him at about 4:40am saying "Like i said, girl has some issues. Tell u all about it tomorrow. Love u." I texted him back, "U were with her all this time?" I truly do not think anything happened because I trust him, but I am very uncomfortable with him hanging out with another female 'no matter what,' especially all night. I'm not the jealous type, but I cannot be comfortable with that. Please someone tell me if I'm being unreasonable...
In a relationship and hanging out with other girls
I think people should be trusted until they show they can't be. However your boyfriend has been unwise.
It's perfectly reasonable for you to tell him you are not comfortable with it. It's a dangerous situation, in which even the most faithful guys can find things going wrong.
Thank Ineligible... that helps. Please, anyone else with advise please post. If I approach him with this, he's going to assume I don't trust him... We've discussed this sort of thing before; about placing ourselves in "unwise" situations that can end with someone getting hurt. There are just some things I'm not going to do while in a relationship and that's hanging out all night with some guy that's not my boyfriend is one of them. There's got to be a line somewhere that shouldn't be crossed.
Just double check with him when he sent that text message, I know sometimes text messages can mess up and not come for a while.. few hours sure...
I'm not a guy, but I can simply say that if my boyfriend was over to a female friends house all night. i would be upset. regardless if they did anything or not. =/ but thats just me. if it bothers you so much hon, you HAVE to talk to him about it. because if not, you will find it harder to trust him completely, and it WILL be an issue in the long run.
*~I don't mind living in a man's world..As long as I can be a woman in it!~* -Marilyn
I agree with Ash.
I'm not a guy but coming from the FRIEND's point of view. You know, the girl friend of the guy who's in a relationship, it's not wise for him to talk to that girl about relationship issues. At least not for so long. I remember when I broke up with my ex and on of my best guy friends who was in a relationship with one of my best friends was talking to me alot each night. I never took it as him liking me and I didn't like him. He was just helping me out. But I had said to him (in a very depressed state) something to the extent of me not being loved or something like that and I think he went too far when he said "if I weren't with ***** then I would date you in a heartbeat". I was like...woah buddy. Thanks??? lol you know. You just never know what may be said or done. Talk to him about how you feel.
"Isso é como nós latinas/meninas pretas fazemos. Vá ou flua.. ya digg?"
I'm gonna throw in my response here.
I think that for the time being you should maintain trust in him, but that's not going to do unfortunately.
Whether he knows it or not, it sounds as if she is trying to muscle in on your turf. He might actually just be trying to be a good friend and help out, and not realise that she may be trying to steal him away from you.
Just a thought, but maybe if she ever asks to see him again, maybe you can come along. Use the excuse that you can give a girls perspective or something.
If neither him or her are willing to do that, then you probably have some sort of reasonable right to get a bit suspicious and ask that they don't see each other any more.
Best thing to do for the moment is trust him, but keep an eye out for any dodgy behaviour.
Talk to the girl. Plain and simple...about her relationship problems, not you and yours.
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer ;).
Seriously this is touchy ground. You have to show you're not comfortable with it, but you also can not do it in a manner that in any way/shape/form appears as if your trust is lower for him.
Beware the white text!
--consider that your disclaimer.
I'm currently in this situation pretty often, hanging out with girls while in a relationship. I can say that for me, at least, it's strictly platonic. I'm hanging out with a friend, Brittany, a lot lately, someone who I could see myself dating but, since I'm in a relationship, it's just as friends no matter what advances she might make.
If it is bothering you, which it appears to be, then talk to him about it. Tell him that it has been bothering you for a while, and you didn't know how to approach the situation. If he gets defensive and/or aggressive (whichever is his style), then try to hang out with her, using the aforementioned female perspective bit. If you're still getting a bad vibe, sit him down and say look, you need to be perfectly honest and tell me what the gently caress is up, I'm hurting over here and I need to know if I have a reason to be.
If he gets angry/offended, then get angry back, just not to the extent where you make him SO mad that he shuts down and stops talking/listening.
I hope this helps. Like my momma always says (seriously), think about what you're gonna do, think about it again, execute the plan, then think about how it went.
When I need you most, will you be there to stand by me, unquestioning and faithful, willing to wait until the end before passing judgement?
I really dont think getting angry or defensive because he is is the best way to go. I believe that you do not show a lack of trust in the relationship if it can be helped. My boyfriend has told me on numerous occations that he gets jealous and it drives me insane since he really has nothing to be jealous about. Sometime, this causes me to resent him since if feels like he doesnt trust me. I only say this because you have said that you have both spoken about this before. Yes he needs to know that if he steps over the boudary that there are consequences, but sometimes trying to prevent them from stepping over that boundary might actually push them over it. Ask your self this question, is it truelly bothering you? And why is it? why are you feeling jealous about this paricular girl? If might be something which you need to resolve in yourself and not him... but this is only my opinion from seeing little details of the relationship. Only you will know how he will react. Let us know how it goes.