Rant

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I feel like I just need to crawl into a hole and die. There are bigger problems with that girl. She has no job and no money, and she lives 90 miles away. I have paid so far for everything... I even gassed her car up so she could come see me. Now I am worried to no end. Keep breaking into sobs. She was here for three nights, last night she went to stay with her cousins. I just talked to her online and she seemed distant. She opened with 'Hi, how are you?' I thought I was her boyfriend, not her colleague. Maybe I make more of that than I should... perhaps she is just so dern convinced this is a sure thing.The problem now is those cousins. She talks about them all the time, especially the one guy, call him Jake. She was gonna have me meet her cousins, but now she decided against it because Jake didn't wanna meet me. She does almost anything they say, and now it seems like Jake doesn't seem to thrilled about her and me. What the hell? They have a fucked up relationship... they fight physically... like playing, and they pinch and bite eachother... he even pinches her boobs like a joke. Should cousins be doing that!? This guy is young too, and has a pretty fucked up relationship himself. Anyway... enough about that; it's messed.Now the money... I have damnear none. School be starting soon, and I need money. I need a new apartment. I need to move into it. I need a different job, mine treats me like shit ... I wanna cry. But the only other job I want will not pay as much, I do not think so anyway. What do I do? I found an affordable apartment, but it is 465. I cannot quite swing that on my own, but she said she would be moving in with me, she gave me a two month promise, tops! But now I am worried. She was gonna come over today, but now she is staying with her cousins another night and coming over tomorrow to look at the apartment. She left most of her clothes here, as well as her jewelry. I have no problems if she actually does move in, get a job and pay for half the rent. BUT, if not, my life is over... I am absolutely fucked. I don't know what to do... how to play this one. If she is actually as committed to this as she says, it will be fine, but I have my doubts. She said that she will only come over tomorrow if she can stay the night at her cousins... but if she doesn't come over, I got all her stuff! What the hell? She has to, why does she make is sound like it is only a possibility?I don't know what to do. I have put so much into this already... I cannot stop But at the same time, I do not know if I can go on. I want to tell her that I will come see her, pay my way there, but that the next time I pay for her way here it will have to be for her moving in, otherwise she will have to pay it. Is that mean to do? Is it too much? She tells me I am not like any other guy she has ever dated. She says she's never felt so comfortable. No other guy ever gave her flowers. No other guy ever gave her massages, she has never felt comfortable enough to walk around naked in front of any other guy, or shower with any other guy. Or, so she tells me all these things. Can I believe them? Am I making mountains from mole hills? Sorry to bug you all again with more of my rants...I am just so freaked out... I wish there was someone to talk to EDIT: Is she playing me like a well-strung fiddle?

I don't mean to sound rude, but I find it almost scary that in one post, you're "crazy" about this girl and in the next, you're scared of her. You got to breathe and r-e-l-a-x! Your life will not be over.

I'm confused about the whole cousin thing. I honestly don't see what the huge deal is.

It seems to me like you're not ready to move in with her as you thought.

How long have you guys been dating?

I am ready to move in with her. I just worry about my finances. I love her lots... I think about her all the time. She says she does the same about me. I just hope that this works out. If things go south, I will be over, I think. But if she really does move in, then we will be fine.We have been dating for a little over a week.

Originally Posted By: LittleQWe have been dating for a little over a week. EEKK!!! Red Lights!!I don't mean to sound rude, but you need to use serious caution. I am not saying you don't have great feelings for her, but moving in together after only dating a week is a HUGE step! When you really think about it, you both truly don't know each other that well and to put your names on a lease for an apartment just seems foolish. I urge you to give this A LOT more thought before getting involved in something as serious as this.

Holy jumping jelly beans! A week and already you're in love and moving in? When's the wedding, in two weeks?I'm not trying to condescend on your feelings, but I really do think you're rushing WAY TOO FAST into something premature. You guys haven't spent enough time to really know how well you can get along. And getting an apartment together isn't exactly a good start, especially if she doesn't have a job.In such a short amount of time, do you really believe she's responsible enough to help you hold an apartment?I don't think she's playing you, but I do think that you're taking things way too fast. And I think that's because you've found someone who likes you and you don't want to let that go. But that's a huge ASSumtion on my part.My advice is to date longer and get to really know each other! Hold off on the moving in step.

Jesus Christ!LittleQ - look at what you're saying. One week and you want to move in with her? You LOVE her?! Take a step back and realise how freakin stupid that is.First girlfriend?

I know... it seems crazy. But she says and seems to be crazy for me. And I am crazy for her. It's like we feel we are just made for eachother I know, I sound like a toddler.She has moved in with boyfriends in the past... and I know, it has not worked out. But from what she tells me that is their fault. She says she has never broken up with anyone. Those guys treated her like a piece of sex meat ... one even resorted to calling her a retard on a regular basis.I know she is serious about this... but Virtual Star is right, I am not convinced that she is responsible enough to get a job. As for the wedding comments, she has dragged me around to a couple of ring shops.OKAY, that was all typed about two hours ago... then she showed up, and now I am finishing the post. She was really down when she got here, apparently something happened with her cousin. But we went out to eat with her other cousin and then played some video games at the store and she started feeling better... poking me, grabbing me, hugging me, kissing me. She was still not the same, but better than when I talked to her on IM. She told me that working was good because I can make money, and I commented that I can give it half to her. Then she said that I should pay my bills off first... which is some good advice, and I was only joking about the other thing.Anyway, we hung out, I am a little better. I was driving around and decided that life is good. If I do not get her, I will have an apartment.... I can swing it. A job, I can handle it. I will find another if she kicks me down. I am pleased now... thought I wish I could stop having these emotional rips all the time... up and down, up and down. Thanks for listening,LQ

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First girlfriend?

No, she's not my first girlfriend. I've had others... but I never felt so strongly for them, and they never felt so strongly for me. They never expressed interest in living with me. She is the only one who has ever even mentioned it, and now I am all funny inside as I see how much of a possibility it just might be.

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One week and you want to move in with her? You LOVE her?! Take a step back and realise how freakin stupid that is.

I realise it sounds stupid! But we really have a connection. We spent three days solid in eachother's company and got along SO well. Even after seeing me today she left half her stuff with me... so she has to come back... at least once :frowning: And I do love her. Not true love, young teenager love... but love. Why do I always find a way to convince myself that the girl hates me? :frowning: That always makes it come true!

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As for the wedding comments, she has dragged me around to a couple of ring shops.
Honey, that was a joke. Are you serious? She's now thinking about marriage to someone she's only dated for a week?

Okay, I really, really, really, don't want to burst your bubble, but something isn't doesn't seem right about this. I need to ask you a couple of things...

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She has moved in with boyfriends in the past... and I know, it has not worked out. But from what she tells me that is their fault. She says she has never broken up with anyone. Those guys treated her like a piece of sex meat ... one even resorted to calling her a retard on a regular basis.
When she moved in with her exs', how long was she dating them BEFORE moving in? And, did she have a job back then?

If you don't know, ASK HER! You really need to know. And even when she answers, really think about what she says. What I'm trying to get at is, IF she's done this with her previous boyfriends (moving in too quickly and not paying for anything), then that should be a huge red flag.

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She told me that working was good because I can make money, and I commented that I can give it half to her.
Can you elaborate what this means?

I don't want to bring you down from cloud nine, but you can't let "love" blind you from getting yourself royally screwed. Think about what you're doing. Really think about it.

I'm not saying to leave her, but I am saying to NOT move in and don't even THINK about marriage. Just date her. There's nothing wrong with being simply boyfriend and girlfriend for right now.

Well... we talked it over, and worked out what we thought would be the best way to deal with this all. We're now engaged...

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What I'm trying to get at is, IF she's done this with her previous boyfriends (moving in too quickly and not paying for anything

No, she has not done this with her previous boyfriends. In fact, she put forth all the effort to see them and go to them (they were long distant too, some of them, I'm not sure about all). She told me that worried her the most... that I would simply not want to put forth the effort and that she didn't want another long distance relationship that was one-sided.

She had a job, but was fired without reason, or at least never told why. She looked for some jobs, but now isn't looking because she is moving down with me and so wants a job down here.

Honestly, I'm worried about the same things you are telling me to worry about... her not getting a job... me becoming broke supporting her. But at the same time, I really trust her, and I know she is going to look for a job, and that she would do anything to make money to pay for the rent.

LQ

I am also freaking out about this engaged thing, though... my head is swarming and I feel like I'm gonna vomit... God I hope I did the right thing :frowning:

You're officially engaged?Dude, it sounds like you're jumping into something you're obviously not ready for. I think you're making a huge mistake.Good luck, you're going to need it.I just don't understand what's wrong with dating for a while, until you guys are ready for marriage.

Quote: I am also freaking out about this engaged thing, though... my head is swarming and I feel like I'm gonna vomit... God I hope I did the right thing usually feeling as though your gonna vomit indicates that you didnt do the right thing.

You've been dating for a couple of weeks and now you are engaged? You're a nut.

My sentiments exactly!

Oh God Oh God! We decided to go with the place, and then her cousin called. Right after that she dicided to go because she wanted to get home before it got dark... I drove to the rental place and put down the three hundred dollars and put my name on the lease and signed it and added her name. She said she would bring her end of it down on Saturday all signed.I got home tonight... and there was an email on the lines: We are moving too fast. I like you, and I still have my feelings for you. You are a great guy, but we should still be friends... we can still talk and stuff, etc... I called her house, but she was not even home yet. So I called her cousins... she answered. We talked a little, and she said that the engagement thing was too fast, and I told her I agreed. I asked her if she would still be moving in with me, and if she still had her feelings for me, and she said she did and would be moving in with me. She still plans to come down Saturday with her friend, or at least that is what she said, and she will have her rental application in hand and fully filled out and signed by her parents, etc. What if she doesn't show up? I asked her how long it might be before she actually moved in, and she whispered 'a month'. I asked her why she was whispering, she said she didn't want them to hear. It is as if these cousins are just trying to destroy everything I have paid so much to get! Are they brainwashing her or something? EVERYTIME they talk to her, she gets sad and worried about losing me. They don't want her to date me, and I don't fucking know why! Well, I do, that one male cousin is posessive. They are best friends, and he won't share her at all... even if she's met a great guy. I don't wanna brag, but I am a great guy I always get women after they have been run through the mill and destroyed by past relationships! Why can't I have luck? I do want her... but now All I want is for her filled out application and signature on the lease. At least then my financial worries will be over, though we will be stuck living together... I still do not hate her. I just worry. Honestly, I am just sure that these cousins are behind it all, but she does anything they fucking tell her...I am in need of one on one help... I am gonna make a phone call to a help line... I am hammering down drinks now... I don't wanna go like this

no... the hotline was a bad thing... I hung up before I was connected.

I am just so scared. I talked to my brother, but he is having bigger problems yet. He told me that something happened to him when he was with a friend, he hardly eats or anything. And he told me that at least my problem can be solved with a lot of money... What the heck?

My brother, the girl I lost my virginity to? All thiss? All this evil? What the fuck!? :frowning: :frowning: :frowning: WHY!!?!? :cry:

Oh, and worse yet, ever since I brought my check book with to pay for her parking ticket, I have been unable to find it! :frowning:

EDIT: I just found the check book :smile: At least I am not too fucked.

Originally Posted By: LittleQI got home tonight... and there was an email on the lines: We are moving too fast. I like you, and I still have my feelings for you. You are a great guy, but we should still be friends... we can still talk and stuff, etc... And you're surprised by this?! I don't care how much you "love" each other. Engaged and moving in after 2 weeks is downright plain idiotic.Also, by the way you were writing things, it sounded as if she was the one instigating all this looney behaviour...but by that email (which, incidentally, is a really chicken-shit way to give people bad news) she makes it sound like you're the nutter really.I'm laying it out as blatantly and bluntly as I can because you need to realise that this path only leads to bad places.

wait, so are you two still together? or she she break up with you over an email =/

She DID instigate all of it! It was all her who asked about marriage all the time, and went on and on about living together and going to school with me and getting a job.

I am just so hoping she shows up with that rental application Saturday, or I am F-U-C-K: FUCKED! I tried to call her house, but her mother says she is with a friend. :frowning:

Don't wanna be the bringer of bad news - but sounds like she's done a runner.Which is good cos she sounded messed up.