Ya know what really grinds my gears

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It pisses me off when people build little road side shrines where their loved ones died. Why do that? You can't go two miles without seeing some little cross on the side of road surrounded by faded plastic flowers and any other shit they care to litter the side of the highway with. Isn't this what a persons grave is for? Isn't that why they paid good money for a friggin headstone? Why the hell would you want a reminder of where Billy Bob ran off the road? It's not like your gonna forget where it happened. Something else that pisses me off is when people put Billy Bob's name on the back of their truck, "In Loving Memory of Billy Bob Joe Jim 1986-2008" Why do that shit? I don't know who he was, I don't care to know who he was or for that matter how he died. So don't try to show me you remember this person cause I don't care. Besides that who the fuck would want a rolling shrine thats a 1992 Chevy half-ton that's all dented up or a 1998 Ford Fiesta that's three different shades of primer. Why, why, why? It's stupid.Is this shit just emblematic of the American love of wallowing in tragedy and grief? Who the hell wants to be reminded of brothers death every time they get in their Chevrolet Caprice or be reminded of where Uncle Dicks drinking problem finally caught up with him when they drive over the bridge? Isn't all this bullshit the reason we save the dead people? Isn't this the whole reason for a cemetery?Why do people feel the need to show their grief in such attention seeking manners? At that point is it even about the dead guy or is it about, look at me and what great guy I am remembering this dead person.Something else that pisses me off, wholesomeness for the sake of being wholesome. Contrived wholesomeness just makes me want to piss on their feel good, do good, we're good people warm fuzziness.But I digress, that's a whole other can of monkey shit. I've probably pissed off enough people anyway."And that what really grinds my gears."This isn't meant as an 'omage to Peter Griffin, but damn it somebody has to say this shit.

I get what you're saying, I have often wonder that myself. I have always brushed it off as a way of remembering a lost loved one, and not letting the world forget about them either. Generally it's a "phase" in dealing with death, usually in time it fades and people wash it off their cars, remove the memorials, etc.Grief takes many different routes for many different people. I personally would not want my name written on a car or a memorial on the side of the road. But it's a way that some people deal with death and a form of grieving. I guess it's not for us to understand in all reality, but if it gets these people through a hard time than so be it. I know no real answer solved with my post, just my opinion on it.

Yeah well, fuck 'em. The world didn't know the dead person, so screw forgetting somebody you never knew. And, despite what society now thinks I maintain some shit doesn't need to be dealt with publicly. We don't need road side Oprahs... fuck she's enough.Don't I just exude love today.

Originally Posted By: OldFolksDon't I just exude love today. Ehh.. I still love ya.. pissy and all

Originally Posted By: OldFolks

Something else that pisses me off is when people put Billy Bob's name on the back of their truck, "In Loving Memory of Billy Bob Joe Jim 1986-2008" Why do that shit? I don't know who he was, I don't care to know who he was or for that matter how he died. So don't try to show me you remember this person cause I don't care. Besides that who the fuck would want a rolling shrine thats a 1992 Chevy half-ton that's all dented up or a 1998 Ford Fiesta that's three different shades of primer. Why, why, why? It's stupid.

Dude, you must be my neighbor. We get a lot of this down in Mayberry. What gets me is the ones who pay homage to Billy Phelps. Billy was a drunkard, a constant law breaker, and basically not much of a man. But they want to honor him like he was frikkin' Mayor of Goodtown or something. Typically the signs will say "Uncle Billy" or "my brother" or something else, so we'll all know just how close the person was to him.

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Is this shit just emblematic of the American love of wallowing in tragedy and grief?

I think it has a lot to do with getting attention out of something negative. Poor me...my brother/uncle/friend/vet's sister's son's third grade teacher died. Please notice me.

Thanks for speaking my mind too.

Well, I don't really see too much wrong with leaving little tokens in memory of the dead. (go ahead, spank me ) Close to my house, there was a fire that killed 4 children a year ago I believe. And there is always some form of teddy bears or little notes to the family expressing peoples thoughts and sadness for thier loss. I suppose people in the community aren't going to go to the gravesite of these poor little kids, so they just leave behind flowers and bears at the site where they died. I don't know, that doesn't really bother me.....you big meanies.

Give the bears to Toys for Tots in the kids name, if they feel they have to be a part of somebody else's grief. It's a stupid attention seeking, self aggrandizing, look at what a thoughtful person I am, waste, who's efforts could be better served in helping kids in need who are still alive.How's that for mean?

Well, in this case, alot of those "stupid attention seeking" people were actual classmates of the one child. A very kind anonymous person paid for the burial of the victims and alot of other people donated money and clothes etc. for the surviving family members. Cleveland is a pretty poor area so I think alot of the neighbors that couldn't afford to donate anything, but still felt like doing 'something' probably left the bears and notes and such. I don't think they were seeking attention.

Do you need a head rub today? :eyes:

I think he needs some Eddie-Lish cuddle time

I know that would make ME feel alot better!

I understand how you feeling and where you coming from,but it means alot to some people,including me. When my bestfriend died a couple weeks ago,i planted flowers by the beach where he drowned and every once in a week i clean the spot and plant more flowers.I do it because i loved him and i miss him and also bacause i work everyday and look after my daughter,so i don`t have time to visit the cemetery. I respect your opinion and i used to do the same thing to,until i lost someone who meant the world to me,and now i know why people do it.Maybe you should have respect for people feelings.

I think what you are doing is kind of different, no? Planting flowers in a public place...that's nice. As opposed to the kinds of things Scotty was talking about: plastic flowers and crosses by the side of the road, big decals on trucks, etc. Those things kind of scream out for attention. What you have done seems like a beautiful way to toe the line between private grief and public service in honor of someone.

I've had the same comment about the "in loving memory" stickers.. I always thought it was stupid.The roadside crosses... I'm kind of 50/50 on it... I don't exactly feel any grief or anything like that, but it does remind me that someone DID die and that someone could be me, perhaps by my own fault or not. A reminder to be more careful.A temporary memorial is OK with me.. but the perpetual ones are irritating.

Damien pretty much said what I feel about what you do. I don't have a problem with planting flower. I don't understand it but I don't have a problem with it.Just so ya know where I'm coming from. I've experienced death up close and personal. I come from what used to be a very large extended family that was very close, we're down to me, my mom and one cousin. I held both my grandmothers hands as they died. One grandmother I was as close to as my mom. I've carried one uncle, one grandmother, one cousin and my father to their graves. I had the honor of dressing one uncle for viewing, around here families do that not the undertaker.The reason I'm saying that is I don't want anybody to think I speaking from a place of ignorance about loss of a loved one.Now having said that and stating planting flowers I think is fine, and stating further that the following doesn't necessary reflect the views of the author, I'm gonna play the devils advocate or just be horses ass and say I still think it's fucked up.Why would you want to remember someone at the place of the horrible accident that took there lives. Wouldn't it be better to remember them by talking about the good times you shared with them with yours and their friends. Why go to the place of the tragedy and focus on the death? It makes no sense to me. From here it looks a lot like wanting to feel bad and roll around in the grief. How does planting flower keep the memory of somebody alive. Wouldn't it be better to share your memories of that person and thereby relive the good parts of knowing them. By relating your stories of the this person your spreading the positive effect of their lives on to others instead of dead-ending all those good memories by just planting flower at the sight of their untimely death.I just don't get it. It seems a hollow act.And Lish I still say slapping shit on a fence is that same feel good, community spirit, pep rally mentality and I question the sincerity of many of those who participate in such things. Are they really doing it as an expression of condolence or is just out of a feel good, I did my part, pat myself on the back, we're good people, reassurance of self. Only that person at the fence can answer that I know. It kinda goes in with the wholesomeness I alluded to earlier. I hold the same contempt for people who like to wear their faith on their sleeve as a means of group hegemony and as a vain affirmation of their own goodness. Goodness should be an action not an advertisement.For someone who doesn't go in for big public weep secession these kind of actions seem bereft of honest feeling and ring of societal vanity.I'm really not the horrible heartless ass one may think by reading this. My wife and mom hate when I get on shit like this.

You surely left some sort of memorial to the dead in your family? In the case of leaving flowers by the road I dont see them as anymore shallow than a headstone; I certainly dont concieve them as attention seeking, as they are generally anonymous. I have no idea who left flowers by the road on my street, so they are not getting attention from me. It also serves a very practical purpose of reminding people to be careful when driving or crossing the road. The bumper stickers you mention do seem very strange to me, though I've never in my life seen anything like that.

You surely left some sort of memorial to the dead in your family? In a graveyard, yes. He's complain about roadside memorials.

These are the stickers he's talking about... it's apparently some new fad here in the US..http://www.inmemorydecal.com/inlovingmemorydecal.asp?gclid=CJHylPzti5UCFSEbagodaHoMrQ

Originally Posted By: sdp You surely left some sort of memorial to the dead in your family? In a graveyard, yes. He's complain about roadside memorials. Yes I get that; my point is that its not so different a thing as a roadside memorial.

Not different but a graveyard is a semi-private location as opposed to an in-your-face public location. Does everyone want to see pseudo-graves along the road?

hm, i never really thought of it that way, i did always think they could serve as a reminder of the dangers but i never thought they might be a distraction