Being Bi

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This is no cry for advice, just a cry of frustration...I was outside the office talking to a friend, acquaintance... whatever, of mine yesterday. He's gay, he knows I'm bi, one of the other guys he works with, who's also gay, came up and was going off about how bisexuals are basically the scum of the earth closet cases who just want it easy in life. Me being me and this being real life and not the net, I didn't say anything. Cory, my friend (whatever) just got real uncomfortable and kept trying to change the subject. I've been feeling pretty bad over the past few months for semi-related reasons and that just wasn't what I needed to hear right then. To exercise out my anger I came back in the office and started searching bisexuality to hopefully read something positive and uplifting and mainly, I guess, just try and find a little understanding. Well, it's the net, I should have known that there is noting positive or uplifting or understanding when your an invisible minority that no one understands or, quite honestly, cares to understand. What I found was an article by (what's his name) Savage on one side telling every gay man out there they need to avoid bisexuals like the plague, along with his plethora of readers commenting in unison about how true that is and basically how their nothing but closet cases afraid of their sexuality or who want an easier row to ho in life so they marry a woman. Then on another site theirs the women going off about how bisexual men can't be trusted, will always be cheating and basically that as a partner of a bisexual man you don't need to try and understand what they're going through because it's no different than a straight man looking at or lusting after another woman. Just to be clear, when I say bi, I don't mean bi as in "I experiment a few times in college" as seems to be the popular definition of both genders today.Then, there is no bi support group or on-line stories of coping, so I hate bisexual people too. Bisexuals are invisible and misunderstood because you end up on one path or the other and just live the path your own. But, just because you live you life in a way that a given part of society expects, doesn't mean it agrees with you or that you always feel comfortable being what you are.I want to tell the queers and the cunts it's not what you think, it's nothing you understand and it's noting you can, apparently, imagine. I'm not a closet case gay trying to take the easy road in life, there's noting easy about wondering, frustration and doubt. And to the cunts on the other site, there is a difference and to think otherwise is to dilute yourself and probably nothing more than a victimization of self so as to excuse themselves from the prospect have to actually try and understand somebody they "supposedly" love.I fucking hate people.I hate that I'm bisexual. If it were a growth I would cut it off with a rusty limb saw myself if I had to. I don't want to be this way. I don't like it. I never wanted it. When your bisexual your nobodies friend. To gays your a closet case looking for an easy road. To straight guys your a fag. To women your not a man and whatever you feel doesn't matter.I fucking hate people. I hate myself... well that's not true. I just hate people. I'm fine with me, I just wish I was something else, if you can make sense of that contradiction.It's like I've told about every guy who's come to this web site talking about being bi. Even in my very first post I said, basically, to be truly bi is to be alone and to have no one like you for who your are, no one to understand you and no one to care to understand you. But it's only now that I understand why that is. It's because these dicks think they've already got you figured out and have to pigeon hole you into their narrow view of the world. People are fucking morons and I hate them.Sometimes death seems like a much anticipated relief from having to deal with the ignorance of people. Narrow minded bunch of sorry fucks...

Quote:To gays your a closet case looking for an easy road. I'm sure when you made this comment you were aware there are exceptions. But I just want to state I never once thought of you as a closet case, heck when I think about you I don't even think about your sexuality. But that's how I am with everyone, sexuality is just not important, but never once have I thought of you as a "closet case". Sadly there are a lot of people who feel this way about bisexual people, and its so narrow minded. It kills me more when I hear homosexual people say this because its just another form of discrimination and as homosexuals we know how it feels and yet some are so easy to dish it out. It blows my mind.I know you didn't need to hear this from me because hopefully you already knew this is how I felt, but I felt like I needed to say it again. Regardless what those assholes think, I love ya and I know there are plenty of people on this site that love ya just the way you are.

I know all that Eddie and you know I know it and I know you know I know it.It's just my experience with the three groups gay men, straight men and women... that's been typical of most of my encounters with them all.Being bi is being alone and isolated in the world and the best I think you can hope for is that somebody will try to understand you from a distance.

It feels like being a leper.It's like your a leper quarantined in a room with a large sheet of glass in front of you and large sheet of glass behind you and either side of you concrete walls. You can look out the back glass and see all the "straight" people, you can even talk to them through the glass but you can never touch them. You can look out the front glass and see all the "gay" people, you can even talk to them through the glass but you can never touch them. There may be bisexual people on either side of you but you'll never see them. Your isolated in a box and (speaking in generalities) even if their (gay or straight) friendly your not allowed to be a part of their world until your cured and either one way or the other.People suck.

I guess these are all things I've know or witnessed but never really thought of it all at once like this. Thank you for putting it together for me.I've always mused at the sheer sensibility of bisexuality, after all, most of us instantly cut off half the world as potential sexual partners.A gay friend of mine once said something along the lines of "what is it with bisexuals? they try to sleep with everyone". I just thought it was an amusing little comment but I've come to see the underlaying prejudice over the years. We all know the old joke about "lay 100 bricks, drive 100 nails but suck 1 cock...blablabla" and that is the common attitude among straights toward bi males.People have weird attitudes, to say the least.And why are you less trustworthy in a relation ship than me just because I've had a bus load of sexual partners who just happen to be female? I'm sorry the world makes you feel like shit but there are still a few of us out here that accept you for who you are as a whole person.

bisexuality is like never being whole....bisexuality is like unyielding frustration...bisexuality is like being happy and sad at the same time...bisexuality is like dieing of thirst in the middle of Lake Superior...

When your bisexual your nobodies friend.
You're my friend.

Sometimes death seems like a much anticipated relief from having to deal with the ignorance of people. Narrow minded bunch of sorry fucks...
I agree with that but it still don't mean I want you to die.

Coming from a straight guy (and your friend) I don't care how you find attractive. I don't care who you screw or who you fall in love with. (tho I know your married) but still eyes lead us to what we think is beauty (attracted in) so look and jerk off!

p.s. ..so look and jerk off! < was being serious and a joke but... I know you'll take it right.

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...heck when I think about you I don't even think about your sexuality. But that's how I am with everyone, sexuality is just not important i agree with eddie here - i see you the same way. i just don't care about sexality.

I never really thought about this but….. Just thinking now on some things. There is another way to view bisexuality. Straight people want their opposite gender, that male or females heart. Homosexuals want the same but with their own gender. While bisexuals don’t care what gender the other person is - they just want that persons heart. So really in my views - the bisexual is the only true person that are not having discriminations against anyone.

Originally Posted By: OldFolksIt's like I've told about every guy who's come to this web site talking about being bi. Even in my very first post I said, basically, to be truly bi is to be alone and to have no one like you for who your are, no one to understand you and no one to care to understand you. But it's only now that I understand why that is. It's because these dicks think they've already got you figured out and have to pigeon hole you into their narrow view of the world. People are fucking morons and I hate them. truthi hesitate telling gays im bi because of this... I'm sure as hell not telling anyone straight

This is something I don’t understand. And it is probably cus I am straight but… why do you have to tell anyone. I mean love who you are going to love and fck who your going to fck. The only person’s business it is is yours and the person you are with.I see it like the virgin question. Are you a virgin? My answer - why the fuck do you care. I’m not screwing you. They can think whatever they want to. it’s no ones business. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying hide it. I’m just saying. Like if your asked are you into guys or girls? You cold just simply answer - why the fuck do you care. I’m not screwing you. (I guess you could be more nice about it and remove the word fuck lol) On the other side tho- I don’t fully understand but I understand the standing with people and hearing them talk bad about you. No- not all of it had to do with sex but it was something about me, and it hurt. To name a few - incest, rape, southern town hick, rich brat boy, evil twins (tho I’m not a evil twin they exist), and the one that digs into me as deep as the incest and rape does.. The good looking guy that is as dumb as a broom. My sissy used to tell me that I didn’t need to be smart cus I have looks. I have the looks so all I needed was to get better at sex- pleasing women.. Sorry I went off on a vent spree I think... Sorry I’m going to shut up now.

I've been contemplating, as you know I tend to do.If I'm way out in left field, you can say so, you know that.Doesn't it all become a bit of a moot point, being in a committed relationship? Doesn't being with one person sort of lock you onto one track for the extent of the relationship?I know we can all find people attractive while we remain monogamous. It's just a case of appreciation rather than pursuit. And, if you're not playing the field, there is no chance of rejection.I'm not trying to trivialize your hurt at being insulted. You know me too well for that. I also know that someone can insult who you are without knowing who you are, be it race, religion, sexuality, etc.Even if my life experience doesn't bring me to a full understanding of how you feel, it brings me close (closer than you may realize). You are not alone, you are my friend, your pain is my pain.

I steer clear of most bisexuals and flamers period.Because, I can't stand flamers. They're generally fucking annoying. I don't care if you're gay, you're a dude, stop wearing sparking pink socks with make up and a skirt. Or on the other side, you're a girl, stop trying to make yourself look as guyish as possible. You're not, I don't care if you'd rather be a boy. Because you're not. And what makes me hate them I think is they go over the top. I mean there's girls that act and occasionally look like boys and they're not gay, they're called tom boys, and we like them because they don't go over the top.Anyways. Onto the real subject bisexuals. Btw his name is Dan Savage. And I think where most of the hate comes is from Teenage fakers.My ex's friends. all 27 I met were "Bisexual." Because they sometimes, obviously just for attention publicly did something with the same sex and usually the furthest it got was making out, and calling someone the same sex hot.But they would never do more, they were never caught doing anything secret, plain and simple they were full of shit and being trendy. Which is why I ignore most bisexuals at least in their teen years.Now I know very well you can like both sexs. But 90% of the people who say they're bisexual aren't. They're straight people who from time to time have done something with their own sex.

Quote:While bisexuals don’t care what gender the other person is - they just want that persons heart. Thats how I am and how I think. I dont mind telling others I am bi and that I look for a loving heart and dont care if its a he or a she. In my case, I dont mind having sex with a girl or a guy but I would prefer love and attraction to exist between us that goes beyond physical appearance.  Quote:People are fucking morons and I hate them. Scotty, I agree with that.But I dont see being bisexual as a curse or something negative. I love who I am.

Yes, Dan Savage, thank you.I agree with Fallen that most "bisexuals" are just posers and scenesters, at least by my definition of bisexuality. There is no real underlying torrent of conflict or doubt or calm of assurance within them. I believe most are little more than modern performers putting on a face to play a part and garner adulation from a select audience. To me those are not bisexuals.I can only speak for myself but, bisexuality is not an equal attraction to each sex. That description is a vast oversimplification of a complex state of emotions and feelings that only serves to further confuse and sidestep the experience of someone who is truly bisexual.To understand what bisexuality is, at least for me, you have to think beyond the simple definition of attraction that defines ones sexuality. In addition to attraction there is also the flip side, repulsion. (When I use the world repulsion I don't mean in a political or philosophical sense, I simply mean in a sense of personal taste.) By that I mean, for instance, a straight man is at some level going to be repulsed by sexual contact between males. He may become sexual excited at the site of oral sex between men but may be repulsed at those same two men kissing. So not only is his sexuality defined by his chief attraction to females but also by his repulsion at all, some or certain homosexual acts. The same is going to be true for gay men. They may be repulsed at the thought sexual intercourse with a women or the site of the vagina. I recall one gay man who said the vagina looks like a wound; ergo, repulsion. So sexuality is more than simple attraction even though that's the only part of it that receives any attention.What that has to do with, at least my, bisexuality is that I don't posses any bit of repulsion for either sex or sexual acts between them or within them. I believe to be truly bisexual the repulsive side of attraction has to be absent. Repulsion whether there or not is the footing that attraction is built on. The problem is that, for me, my attractions are not static. They wax and wain with time for no apparent reason that I can ferret out. For six or so months my chief attraction will be to women then it will switch and for six or so months my chief attraction will be to men and so on and so on. It is never or has never been an equal attraction to both sexes as far as I can remember. This is where the lack of repulsion come in. It is the lack of repulsion that allows a semi-normal sexual relationship to continue with a partner when the sexual attraction is not, at that time, directed at their sex. The problem is that it makes the bisexual person disingenuous to who they really are at that moment and requires them to repress the entirety of what makes them up.The reason all of this is important is because it makes the people involved feel like shit or scum or both. For the partner of the bisexual, they will feel unattractive or unwanted at least when his or her attraction is toward the other (same) sex. Because, in all honesty, at that moment they aren't desired or lusted after by their partner. I imagine it must be a berating feeling. At those times overtures of romantic gesture must feel hollow, as for the most part they are. Then before long you can't tell when your partner truly feels amorous toward you and when it's just a gesture to convince you that they still love you and nothing more.For the bisexual your just scum because, for the reason just given, half the time your hurting the person you love and care the most about in the world. You have to repress half of who you are, unless your in a rare open relationship. It's a rather miserable way to go through life and in the long run it may only lead to either hurt or regret, I don't know. And, there's no one out there than can really appreciate or relate to what your feeling and most especially the temporary nature of those feelings.Life is misery after misery, after misery, after misery, broken by small bits of joy, but those miseries don't make life bad. The reason those miseries don't make life bad is because we find others of similar experience or understanding to commiserate with and by some catharsis to, at very least assuage, if not, purge the misery and leave the joy and thus what was misery is now the richness that adds to the depth of experience. It's one of the great functions of connection with other people. However, for the bisexual, as far as I can discern, there is no commonality of understanding that allows this catharsis to take place, and that is what I mean when I say to be bisexual is to be alone. The isolation that, at least I, as a bisexual feel is rooted in the lack of understanding or shared experience or shared wisdom from those who have trod this road before. I must hold my won council walk my path without support without guidance and simply hope that the decisions I make are the right ones. While it's true we all have to follow our own path the reality is more often than not there is an example to study if not out right follow in most of the endeavors we undertake as part of our lives. This is not the case for the bisexual. In one of the most basic parts of life, in one of the most fundamental frames of reference, you are own your own without reference and more often than not without understanding. People simply don't understand and may not even be capable of understanding and I don't think should be expected to. You are alone and confusion and doubt and misery compound never being exercised. It is the most true and complete isolation I have ever known or experienced.This leaves, after almost 36 years, a split individual incapable of being whole. A being for who completeness is as foreign as the worlds understanding of him. I do not want to be gay. I do not want to be straight. Yet, I must choose one path and see it through to its end forsaking the other side of my soul. I can no more bring the two side together than I can stand on the opposite polar caps at the same time. I don't want and can't even imagine one coming into the life of the other. The spit has become to deep and to wide. Were it an option, I would not invite another lover into my marriage bed because the life I have built within me could not withstand it and recoils at the thought of it. For me it is a thought that's disgusting. Yet, would I cheat... yes. Because there the two halves are kept separate. I am no saint. I am a thing of repudiation. Will I cheat... no. Only because I must have the relationship first and would never "look" for anybody to hook-up with. Beyond that my introversion insulates me further from temptation. There are two side of me that what to pursue different directions at different times and the most basic foundations of my being are not static and comfort only lasts as long as the next change within me. No one should have to be subjected to the thing I am, that I don't even know how to be. They don't need to come down this road of misery I so haphazardly pave.

Originally Posted By: OldFolksYet, would I cheat... yes. Because there the two halves are kept separate. I am no saint. I am a thing of repudiation. Just to be clear here, I'm speaking in the abstract. I know myself better than to know I would ever do anything. I would do nothing and then regret it afterward. I've been there before. That's not really any better but... it's the truth.

Scotty, your description of your struggle is very moving, and I'm sure it's made the more difficult by depression and by your struggles with your work.Have you considered that even a purely straight guy is not going to find his wife always sexually attractive? There will be times when he feels bored with her; and as she ages, even though he ages too, she is going to look less like his ideal woman. Yet affection is still there, and they get along: surely success in marriage, and life, is based on what we do, and not on whether we are feeling the right thoughts. Otherwise I think no-one could stand.

you've given me more to think about, thanks.

It's not a really a matter of question of attraction, I guess as much as it is an exercise to better understand myself. I keep hoping for some input, not that will necessary answer anything... I don't even know that there's a question but more input so that I may explore questions I haven't thought of and maybe stumble on a new way of looking at things.I find my wife hot, even to the point I'm little intimidated by her. Maybe what worries me is how she sees me. The idea of marriage, I think, is that you give yourselves to each other wholly. If that's the case, what if there's an entire half she can never have or would want for that matter. It's like there's an entire part of you that you have to shut away.Think of it like this. A white women marries a mulatto man. In order to stay happily married he has to forgo his blackness. He can only be part of what he is. What does she see when she looks at him.

there is a certain compromise in all monogamy.I like blonds but I'm in love with a brunette. I like big tits but I love her adorable little ones.I live for the pursuit but I'm very happy to be stable.I love the look of asian and black women but that does not detract from my love OR mad attraction to my white g/f.And I would never tell her what she isn't, even to try to tell her that she compares favorably, because that might put a doubt in her mind as to whether she's good enough for me (yeah, as if, you've seen her picture lol)She knows I was a total manwhore in the past. She also knows that became the past when she came into my life. She loves me as a whole person. I feel no duality in the monogamous me vs the fuck-first-ask-questions-later me though, so maybe it's not a fully complete analogy.

Oldfolks, I am sorry to hear about your recent issues.I find perhaps the biggest "Plague" is the people you mentioned who "experimented" once or twice in college or who claim "bi" online but, know they are in no way bi.I can't pretend to relate to your situation or understand it. I just hope it gets better.