I'm increasingly concerned about the effect that internet porn has upon my sexuality. I belong to the first generation thats really grown up with the stuff from a young age, having been using internet porn since I was about 13. In the preceding six years I have seen things that have really disgusted me, including much thats illegal. I've seen violent sex between men and women, rape fantasy, homosexual sex, transexuals, sex involving shit, piss, animals, the extremely old, claimed incest, and most horrifically children. I have NOT jerked off to all that stuff (I am no pedo) but I have come accross it at various times, and I feel horribly desensitised. As time has gone I've found the porn I require to satisfy me has gotten more extreme, and I no longer feel particularly shocked when I stumble accross images which should fill me with revulsion. I'm getting more worried about how this impacts upon my sexuality away from the computer screen. Over the course of the last year my mind has wondered more, experimented more. This is not always a bad thing but I cant help feel these new fantasies are directed by the movies I view on my computer rather than desires developed in real life. I went through a phase of wondering what it would be like to sleep with an underage girl. This made me very depressed though reflection has taught me that I really do not desire to do anything of that sort. Recently I've had alot of homosexual fantasies. This is clearly not such a big deal in a legal sense but it gives me the same unhappiness and confusion, and feeling of lacking control over my sexuality. I dont really know if these are genuine or if I have just gotten used to the sight of cocks being sucked and developed a curiousity about it. Sometimes when I'm confused I look at different types of porn and try and gauge my reaction, though this is generally futile and tends to result in me simply jacking off without really knowing what I am jacking off to other than the general idea of sex.I'm scared where this is going to lead. The simple answer is to give up porn. I reckon I have the willpower for this and am thus going to leave it alone indeffinately, to give myself some reflection time, to see where my non-porn influenced sexuality takes me I really really want to be just a straight guy, I dont want fantasies about anything illegal or involving other men. Any other ideas about how I work on understanding myself better? Anyone else had these kinds of experiences or just has any views on this atall? Am I scapegoating the internet here or it it just me that needs to be sorted out?
The Internet and sexuality
To clarify I didnt view full movies of those things or anything like that. But I have used free galleries of streamed movies that often link you to other galleries and so on and so forth and often with awful results. When I realise what I am on I get away immediately.
I noticed the exact same thing as you and realised I needed to begin focusing my efforts in other areas. My girlfriend not liking porn was the last push i needed to kick the habit.
i think its all honestly on the person and if you dont want to be influenced by it you dont have too. its like the same things with violent video games. you have to learn whats right and wrong or kinky in a good way and just creepy. if you can i think porn nothing bad. unless it becomes an addiction, that may be bad.
Originally Posted By: baseballfreak23i think its all honestly on the person and if you dont want to be influenced by it you dont have too. its like the same things with violent video games. you have to learn whats right and wrong or kinky in a good way and just creepy. if you can i think porn nothing bad. unless it becomes an addiction, that may be bad. Exactly, I dont down anyone for watching it. I just realized later on that it simply didn't really have room in my life. What works for me may not work for everyone else.
Well, I've watched my fair share, and since I started around 13, that's a lot of porn.I never really let it get to me. You have to realize that porn isn't real. It's hardly even a fantasy, and the fact that most are extremely horrid actors/fake orgasmers, it's a little boring sometimes.However, I have picked up some awesome kinky things I never would have thought of. Like chocolate syrup, and incorporating toys, and some good oral techniques for her, cuffs and chains, leather, straps, holding out, ice cubes, ice cream, massages, "massages", etc, etc....I have that weird "I want meaningful sex" thing in my head, so all the kinky helps keep me away from the real deal until I'm sure to commit. It's very fun. I think that, although I know that porn isn't real, and isn't particularly great at times, when you're really wanting some nudity, it's useful when your mind is decidedly lacking. And over the years, I picked up some fun techniques and positions. Course, that's just me.
Hey long time no talk too :smile:
When it comes to porn, if you feel you are becoming addicted or becoming desensitized than I think you have the right idea by stepping away from it. It might not be easy so you might need to put a block on your computer to help.
When it comes to sexuality, I wish I had an easy answer. I struggled with my own sexuality for years until I finally just accepted the fact I was gay. I fought over and over again in my head telling myself I was straight or I just wanted to be "normal" like all the other boys. Like you said, I just wanted to be a straight boy. Finally the stress and the anxiety got so bad I finally just said out loud to myself "I'm gay" and it felt right and also felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Now I am not saying this applies to you at all, but know I understand what you are going through because I have been there myself.
Sexuality isn't black and white, which is what makes it so complicated and hard to understand. Could these homosexual urges you are having simply be normal curiosity, absolutely! It's normal to be curious about sexual encounters of the same sex. Though I understand it also complicates your search of your own sexuality.
Do you find men outside of pornography sexually attractive? Like walking down the street or watching TV, do you find good looking men sexually attractive. These are questions you need to answer to yourself honestly with an open mind and not answer quickly with a "no" simply because you have that desire to be a "straight boy". Again, I've been there and when I was struggling with my sexuality my friends asked me the same questions and I always answered with a quick "no", though in the back of my head it was a "yes".
I know you have struggled with this in the past, and I want to re-open the invitation that if you ever need someone to talk to, or even just vent your frustrations I am here to listen. Feel free to send me a PM anytime or if you want my YIM info I can get that to you as well.
Take Care :smile: and hope I helped, even if it's a little. :smile:
"Don't be a Dork! Wrap your Pork!"
I don't know you or your history but I wouldn't worry to much about the thought of guys. I would bet you've awoken an aspect of your sexuality and brought it into the conscious mind. That doesn't mean your gay that just means these feeling are a part of the make-up your sexuality, as they are with most people.
Remember the majority of individuals are neither completely hetero or completely homo, rather they fall somewhere near those sexualities.
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.
Thanks everyone. I feel alot better about it now. I think I was just getting too in to it and I will now just leave it alone for a while. Maybe I was getting overly paranoid about it all but we shall ahve to see. Cheers all.