Recently I've been experiencing an issue where I will be in a great mood for a couple of days and then almost like the flick of a switch I will be miserable for 3 or 4 days after. There is usually a trigger for the depression.
It's getting to the point where when I'm at my lowest point I'm considering suicide as a way to get out of those feelings.
The past 2 days have been a good example of this.
Yesterday I was in a great mood all day. I felt on top of the world especially in the evening. I had a good sleep and woke up this morning still feeling brilliant.
By mid-morning, however, I felt absolutely horrible. The trigger was a conversation with a friend about love. Any mention of that word sends my mind into a depressing spiral of self-loathing where I remember how all of my relationships have failed (often only after a couple of days) and how I've never really been loved and how everyone else around me has been and it just makes me feel worthless.
The day went on and I continued to spiral down til I got home after work and wrote this post, during which I am crying.
I don't know what to do as my doctor just keeps wanting to ship me off to counselling which doesn't seem to work for me.
The worst part is that my closest friends avoid me as they don't want to talk to me when I am this depressed.
I'm would say I'm worried that eventually this is gonna lead to me doing something stupid, but truthfully I'm not worried at all. I can only see benefits to me not being around any more.
Extreme mood swings
Have you talked to your doctor about these extreme mood swings?
No just about depression in general. You reckon there's something in them?
I believe so.
That sounds like you're Bi-Polar.
They have medication for it, I think I might have it as well, but it's not that severe.
"And baby I ain't never ran from a nigga and I damn sure aint bout to pick today to start runnin." - lil wayne
Ugh I've been up and down like a yoyo today.
I'm at the point where I can't be happy because I am cynical of what the next horrible thing to happen to me is gonna be. I live in fear of misery
Just thought I'd post to say how I'm doing.
I've had a good month this past month as I've gotten a lot closer to a girl I have known for the past couple of years.
I love her so much. She's honestly the most amazing person I've ever known. She's funny, clever and utterly gorgeous (even though she won't admit it - and if she's reading this, I mean it completely and utterly from the bottom of my heart...I love you baby). In fact she's easily the most attractive girl I know.
I feel like we've really connected.
I met her in person a couple of days ago and it was hands down the best day of my life. I even met her parents, who are awesome as well.
She's made a massive difference to my mood and all of my friends have noticed that I have been a lot happier.
I do still get some negative mood swings from time to time, especially as I miss her so damn much and I don't know when I get to see her next. She's noticed how paranoid I am about everything. I try not to be but I've brainwashed myself into expecting the worst from everything because the worst is usually what happens. I just hope it doesn't affect what I have with her because I don't want to lose her.
Just thought I'd let you guys know how I'm doing.
I'm glad things are looking up.
Had a bit of a bad day today due to my own insecurities about myself which dragged themself up from previous relationships. I've brainwashed myself into always assuming the worst about any given situation - even if there isn't anything wrong. In fact, on a bad day I might even try and find something I think is wrong as for some reason I feel more comfortable if everything is as I expect it to be.
I'm trying my hardest to get out of this situation and the girl who I mentioned earlier is really helping me along with this, and I personally think I've been much better, but sometimes I slip up and 'relapse' into my old ways. With time I hope to be better, I just hope that I don't push her away in the process.
When you're feeling bad, try to remember that you do get mood swings, and you'll feel better later.