I don't know really where to begin. The past 2 days has been crazy. Yesterday I asked a girl to go to a movie with me. I have never ever really asked a girl to go do anything with me. I've never had a girlfriend. So I guess I got excited. I washed my car and bought her movie ticket. I had a lot of fun with her at the mall (where the theatre was at). Afterwards we attended a local rock show. I payed for her ticket there as well. I was kind of trying to hang out with her as much as possible to get to know her because I guess I kind of had a crush on her. So when we got to the rock show, all of her friends were there and all my friends were there. I was hanging out with her for the most part and she kept walking off, so I talked to her sister to see if something was wrong. Her sister told me she felt like I thought it was a date. I guess maybe I thought it was kind of. I don't much about girls and stuff. So I walked up her and told her that I didn't want her to think I thought it was a date and I told her I was just trying to be nice. So me and my friends were leaving so I walked up to her gave her a hug told her I had fun and I was sorry for the awkwardness. Then I sent her a message on MySpace saying that I had a lot of fun and that I was sorry for the awkwardness and that I really didn't have much experience with girls. I told her I guess I learned my lesson about buying girls movie tickets and stuff. She's read it but hasn't responded.This really put me down for the rest of the night and made me suicidal. I hated myself so much for screwing up the first thing I did with a girl. I punched myself really hard in the face 5 times because I was so mad at myself for being an idiot. I realized that I haven't been able to stop my mind from focusing on all the negativity in my life and I wanted so bad to stop thinking about it and just get past it. I try so hard to but the negativity takes over. It was eating me up so bad, I drove over to my friend's house and talked to his mom. His mom told me that I needed God. I am agnostic right now. She asked me if it was okay if she prayed with me. I was crying for like 30 minutes str8 before this. We prayed together and even though I'm agnostic, I felt a huge relief. Now I'm trying to focus on all the positivity and trying to keep the negativity in the back of my mind. I still feel really bad about being so stupid with the girl.ALL THAT STUFF HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.Today... well was weird. I am still thinking about how I handled my situation last night with the girl and I can't get over it. I wonder if I am ever going to be socially functional. I realize that 4 people have told me that I need God in my life. Everyone said exactly the same thing in terms of me needing God: I can't do it all on my own. I need to cut myself some slack. Don't be so hard on myself, etc. So I am thinking about going to church for the first time in years. So I get into my car and my iPod instantly plays a song by 'Bright Eyes' called 'Kathy with a K's Song.'The lyrics pretty much reflected on what I was thinking about in my life at that time: If I was ever going to get better or if there was such thing as love. Here are the lyrics:Love is realIt is not just in novels or the moviesIt is factAnd it is standing here right in front of youSo if you open your eyesOh what a sweet discoveryThere is hope, and there is joy, and there is acceptanceSo now let all of the light that collects on your plantsKeep you warm, make you smileAnd I will be there with this pen in my handTo record all the whileYou'll be laughing so loudThat the house would shake with soundAnd everything will be as new as the day it was foundLove is realIt is not just in long distance commercialsOr something that you thought you felt back in high schoolSo I will turn black and whiteBecome that horoscope you're readingIt predicts something good is on it's wayOh, and then I will send you the world green and blueIn a box through the mailYou can open it up, hold it right in your handAnd be glad that it's thereAnd be glad that you're thereNow, you can feel all the knots in your stomach start to untieAnd suddenly it's not so hard to say you're all rightLove is realIt is not just in poetry and storiesIt is truth, and it will follow youEverywhere you go from now onSo if you'd just cast off your doubtThen your lips would answer for youOh my darling, when you smile, it is like a songAnd I can hear it nowAnd I can hear it nowAnd I can hear it nowYes, I can, I can, I canI can hear it nowI can hear it nowYeah, I can, I can, I canI can hear it nowI can hear it nowI can hear it nowYeah, I can, I can, I canI can hear it nowI can hear it now========My life is just in a complete mess right now. I guess I am going to see what church/god does for me. I just really feel like I need someone to love right now. A girl that I can show affection for. I just don't know what to do.I would appreciate any advice. Thanks!
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So the past 2 days has been like WTF.
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To me, I am an atheist. I'm not going to go into the religion. If it works for you, that's all that is important. I hope that you find what you're looking for, and just feel better about yourself. As for the women problems. I wouldn't sweat it. We all have a few strike outs in that department, you just have to be consistent, and be ready to put your heart out on the line. Rejection is never fun, but it happens. Eventually you'll learn to deal with it. I wouldn't react the way that you did though. If she didn't want to go out with you, that's her fault, because you seem like a nice, caring guy. I wish you all the best luck with women in the future. As for the focusing on the negativity over the positive thing (this is where I can relate). I went through the same thing today, when my girlfriend bailed on me...twice in one day. I find if I'm occupying myself, that I feel the best. Whether that be with friends, playing sports, doing hobby's, or just watching a movie. If you really do want to think about it, just remember that the negatives will go away, and the positives seem to always outweigh the negatives. I hope that helps, and I hope things go better for you.
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Thanks for all the advice and everything. Like you, I am pretty much an atheist. Asking me to believe in God is like asking me to believe in a fairy tale. But I feel like I've hit rock bottom and I need to find some direction. And I think I will take the chance to see if God is that direction.
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Yes, you really are being way too hard on yourself, and there's nothing to blame yourself for. Frankly, I find this girl thoroughly mystifying. You asked her out to a movie and then went with her to a concert. That is by definition going out on a date. So I don't really understand what her problem was about that. Please just try not to worry so much about it. There was nothing on your part that was not socially "functional."
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As far as the god thing, let me say i used to be agnostic as well. I got to a point in my life where i neeed god, and i started hanging out with a church group and even went to church with them a few times. I do believe in god, but i do not do church anymore, it isnt my place. I dont claim religion either but i still believe in god. I talk to him when i need him and i used to talk to him everynight just to do it. It helped me alot and it still does, im not a religion frek and by no means do i force it on people, but god helps.As far as the women dont freak out. You've apologized and everything, you've done what you can do just see what happens. As far as it being a date the way i see it if she didnt think it was a date she shouldnt have let you pay. i have friends whom are girls who play flirty and let guys play but then they just forget about them after that, basically they just use them for a free meal, ticket, whatever, maybe this happened to you, i dont know.Dont be so hard on yourself. EVERYONE strikes out on women atleast once in their life (though usely many more times than that lol). You need to change your mind set. Ive been through bad bad shit, ive gone to suicide, drugs, failed school, you name it.I turned my life around when i was 16, and stopped doing drugs, stopped being negative, did good in school and graduated EARLY (After failing 2 semesters of classes). Maybe you need to do more?For me to be positive i need to be happy which means i need to do things i enjoy. My passion is MMA. I do that 3 times a week and im going to try for 5 now. I hang with friends whenever i can, hang with my girlfriend etc etc.Maybe find something that makes you happy and makes life worth living for you, and set goals for your future to give you something else to live for. Find happiness, then positivity willcome.But please dont feel so bad over that girl, you will find one someday trust me.
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I really don't think you have done badly, droppydees. Real life is always awkward and it never goes the way we expect it to go, and certainly not the way it does in the movies.The bigger issue, I think, is why you feel so bad about yourself.
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Originally Posted By: IneligibleI really don't think you have done badly, droppydees. Real life is always awkward and it never goes the way we expect it to go, and certainly not the way it does in the movies.The bigger issue, I think, is why you feel so bad about yourself. I just feel like I suck at life. Like, I'm 18 and know nothing about girls at all. never had a girlfriend. Saturday was the first time I took a girl to do anything and it went horrible. It's like I am programmed to suck ass. I just wonder if there ever is going to be someone who appreciates me for who I am that is more than a friend...
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Life isn't like the movies. Life doesn't have a script and there's a first time for everything. So nothing will ever run smoothly and perfectly and if you are constantly trying to get perfection at everything you're always going to come up short and be disappointed. Maybe that's what your problem is. You're being to hard on yourself and expecting everything to always be perfect.
You did fine, I'm surprised a girl would react that way to you doing all that stuff for her. She might have felt smothered and needed a break, but I can't see anything you did to be flat out wrong.
Maybe you should try attending church or at least use the Bible as a source of direction, guidance, and purpose. There's no harm in using the Bible or joining a youth group.
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Yes, the bible is ripe with tips for picking up women. rolls eyesThough, if it's your kind of thing, a youth group might not be a bad idea. They're great for hooking up and getting girls to take off their little "virgin promise rings" or what ever they hell they call 'em. A lot of people find relationships in those kind of things.Instead of reading stay out there and keep trying. The best of us will get shot down even when we do everything right. That's just how it is. And as for knowing nothing about women, I've never met the eighteen year old that knows shit so your right where you should be.Don't let it get you down, even though it's going to, just don't give up. The more doors you knock on the more sales you'll make... so to speak.A little tip to remember, to nice is a turn off. I'm not saying you were from what you posted it doesn't sound like it but just wallow that around in your head and throw it out when good a wallowed.