Alright so I will give you a little backstory.I'm 16 years old, fairly outgoing, strongly opinionated.I met a girl.. lets call her cindy. Through a buddy, lets call him hank. So one day me and hank were chilling at the mall and he called up cindy. As soon as I saw her I thought wow she's cute. As the day went on I realized she was nothing like other girls and actually more like a guy, in the sense of thats how she acted.So I asked cindy out. The first few dates were kind of chill but I got a few snippets of her life. Her father was not a very great man, and walked out on her and her mother. She still has some contact with him, but her mother moved on and married another man, who she tells me is a great guy. I though perhaps this could be the source of why physically we werent going anywhere, perhaps she had trust issues due to her father.I'll give you examples, she doesn't like to look at people when she is talking to them, she gets nervous and looks to the side. However I confronted her about this and she faces me now. She also gets nervous when guys get close to her. To be honest I am extremely respectable to woman, and always treat them nicely, I'm patient as to not push a girl into anything she doesn't want to do. However it had been four dates now, and basically nothing. I do care for her, and I don't want to end it. So I sat down with her after a movie and started talking to her at my place. I just popped the question in an encouraging way, and asked her why she doesn't trust people, especially guys to get close to her. She kept refusing my question. So instead of pushing it, I told her that I genuinely care, and I wanted to know if the relationship was to move on. She got about halfway through her story, and she started crying, so I picked her up, and hugged her, and just kind of stayed like that for a while. I brushed the mascaera off of her face, and then told her that I cared, and she continued her story.She was molested when she was 7 years old by a man who worked with her father, who was not there at the time when it occured. So it was awkward, but I told her that obviously its a hard thing to go through, but as tough as it is, you have to move on, and just take steps. she told me I'm the only one that knows besides her mother, and I told her this is a big step. She changed the subject and I let it roll, joked around for a bit more and then she had to go.How do I deal with this? I care for this girl but physically I'm 16 years old, I'm sorry it's something I'm looking for in some kind of relationship. Especially with my previous relationships and the way they went. I do care for her, and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I need something, I need for her to be emotionally available and not bottled up inside, I want her to be open with me, trust me, so we can have some serious conversations without her trying to change it, so we can physically be close which I think is also as important as being emotionall available. I don't mean just sex or anything, simple stuff, kissing any type of being close to her, being able to hold her.
Rad is right,all she needs right now is someone she can talk to and call if she is going through shit.You should let het know that you are there to be her friend and nothing more until she is ready for something else,don`t pressure her into anything give her time.She will learn to trust you when she is ready.
Come to think of it why should I worry what people think of me. Am beautiful,am intelligent and am a good person. That`s all that ma...
Agreed. You just need to be her friend right now. She sounds interested so you just have to let things come naturally. Eventually she will be comfortable enough around you to hug you, and things will go on from there.Depends if you can wait or not.
I think it is a massive thing that she told you! HUGE! it shows that she genuinely likes you and trusts you. Plus you said you want to have conversations. This is one. As she gets to know you better she will open up more and not try and change the conversational all. Think about it. 4 dates and your 16, I have hear of much much much worse and for much less of a good reason. If your not ready for that you will have to just remain friends.