So to branch off of a thread in the Male Genitalia forum, I've decided to ask a question a little differently here:How do you approach and talk to a guy if you are a guy? If you don't understand what I'm saying, I'm saying that I'm gay and looking for a relationship. This is difficult for me considering that I've never even spoken to the guy I'm interested in and there's really no way to tell if he's gay or not. Even if I did initially approach just seeming like I'm looking for friendship it would be obvious that I'm after more than that because I get really, really nervous. I get nervous being in the same room with him (which makes math that much more difficult). I would try one of those relationship websites but I go to college in a very rural town, so there isn't very much in the way of options if I took that direction.
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Approaching and Speaking to a Guy
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actually, it's not hugely different in the hetro world. I know that it can be a bit simpler but one still has doubts about whether another person is even vaguely interested. Sometimes, it's just about risk. Take the risk.here's the math... if you don't approach, you will never be together, if you do approach, you might be together. "might" is infinatly greater than "never"I know it's hard but life is a gamble at the best of times. roll the dice, take a card Quote:"How 'bout them Cards?" LMFAO
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Are you at a place (as in with yourself, not location) that you feel comfortable with people knowing your gay? It will probably be easier if you are.Is he somebody you have reason to think might be gay, or do you just find him irresistibly hot? Whether it be difficult or not do you know enough about him to start-up any kind of conversation? If you don't and your just going to have to go up to him cold the only piece of advice I have is not ask him in front of anyone. Depending on how rural and prejudice the area is your in that can sometimes be dangerous... or least it was when I was in college 10 years ago. The reason I say ask him when he's alone is so that if he isn't gay he doesn't feel like he has to save face in front of anybody.Does your college have GLBT chapter or group? That could be a means of introduction to more like minded people. I never went in for any of that kind of shit but if it works for you, use it.Sorry that's about all I've got, not much of value there I know. Like I said in the other thread I don't have a good answer for this question.
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Quote:here's the math... if you don't approach, you will never be together, if you do approach, you might be together. "might" is infinatly greater than "never"I hadn't thought of it that way. That is really good advice. Thanks! Quote:Are you at a place (as in with yourself, not location) that you feel comfortable with people knowing your gay? It will probably be easier if you are.Things are definitely going to be more difficult for me, then. Quote:Is he somebody you have reason to think might be gay, or do you just find him irresistibly hot? Whether it be difficult or not do you know enough about him to start-up any kind of conversation? If you don't and your just going to have to go up to him cold the only piece of advice I have is not ask him in front of anyone. Depending on how rural and prejudice the area is your in that can sometimes be dangerous... or least it was when I was in college 10 years ago. The reason I say ask him when he's alone is so that if he isn't gay he doesn't feel like he has to save face in front of anybody.I have no reason to believe he is gay; how could I? I know nothing about him because if I did, it would be really creepy. About not asking him in front of other people, that's a good idea. I don't want him to have to try to save face and beat the crap out of me. The thing about this school is that there is no one from the local area, so there are all different levels of acceptance but, unfortunately, all I have really heard is large amounts of homophobia. One of my suite mates was telling another that if he was gay he'd better watch out because he will kill him in his sleep. Not a whole lot of tolerance around here...My school does have a Gay-Straight Alliance chapter but if I went to one of the meetings, where would I tell my suite mates I was going? They'd either push me to the point of telling them or they would find out for themselves. Thanks for you input, though!Another question: What if I started off as just being a friend to gather some information and then tried to become more than just friends? Would that be too dangerous emotionally?
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Hey Bob...How old are you. I've forgotten.Have you come out to friends and family or are you still keeping it to yourself and close friends?This makes a difference... really
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I'm straight and I hate sports!To the OP; I personally have no idea how you go about it, because apparently several times in the past I've been chatting away with some cool guy I just met only to find out later that he was gay and probably interested in me.I guess you just try, and if he is and he's interested he'll respond, and if he isn't he'll probably be just as oblivious as me, and will never know.
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I think KM has pretty good point. While I'm not exactly sure how to tell you to go about it when I was younger, and before I understood what I was, I would have guys chat me up. I would get the idea they were interested, usually after the fact, but I did get the idea. They never blatantly said, "I want to go out with you" but I understood... kinda.I guess, it's kinda just going out of your way to be friendly to somebody. If they go out of their way to be friendly back, then there might be some interest on their part. From there it's a careful dance to keep elevating that friendliness taking it a small step further each time. Remember that you just don't want to make him feel betrayed if he, at some future point, rejects any advance. Cry and feel devastated on the inside but as long as your still around him laugh it off and be friendly in spite of how you feel. Don't make him feel like you were only being nice to get at his goods.I'm not at all saying he would reject you, rather just how I think you should play it, if it did happened.That may be the best I can do for you, other than to say it will be much easier when at least one of you are open about who you are. If both of you are trying to hide what you may be from the world it's not going to be easy to communicate your desires. On the other hand that's what men have been doing for centuries, so it can be done.Rad hit on an important point. You don't need to come out to anybody, suite mates or otherwise. It's not any of their business. If you choose to hide it from them until your comfortable with it, that's understandable and advisable, I think. It's far better to be sure of yourself and of who you are before having to try and deal with what others may think. Take care of yourself first and when you feel confident about who you are then you can deal with telling somebody else, if you want. Even at that there's no need to go out with a sign around your neck that says, "I'm Gay." While it may be big part of who you are it just another piece of the whole.I know you said one of your suite mates said he would kill somebody if they were gay, and I'm in Oklahoma so I understand the prejudice pretty well, but do you think those are his real feelings? It's one thing for guys to say, "they hate fags" or "would beat the shit out a queer" when it's just some guy walking down the street. It's quite another to feel that way when it's somebody you know.If their hate is genuine then yeah they'll hate you. However, more often then not when you hear guys say that kind of shit it's just bravado. It's kinda like guys in a group talking about bending over and fucking some girl walking down the street, that doesn't mean their going to rape her, it just guys talking... it's bravado. It gets tricky but do your best to separate what people say from how they really feel. I think much of the time you can tell when it's just bullshit and when it a serious threat. Not always but most of the time.Lastly, about your sweet mates, how well do you all know each other? How long have you known each other? Do they like you and get along with you? How open are you with them?If you've known 'em a long time and have lead them, over the course of an extended friendship, to believe your straight they might feel a little betrayed. On the other hand though, if you've known them awhile, even if they do feel betrayed, there's a good chance they can overcome that as soon as they see your still the same you, you've always been. If you've only known each other since the start of the school year, don't go out of your may to make 'em think your straight because that's gonna come off as a lie. Just kinda brush off the "straight guy talk" because above all you don't want them to think your a liar. Especially if they don't have a lot of history with you.I guess all in all what I'm saying is don't overestimate how people will react and don't underestimate their ability to come to terms with something. Just temper it all with some common sense and a thought of how would I feel in their shoes.
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I'm horrible at wording thoughts and some of this post may seem like I'm angry or annoyed, but I assure you I am not. I just can't come up with another way to word things, so don't take offense. Quote:You don't have to tell your roommates where you are going.I wouldn't tell them, but when someone leaves everyone asks them where they are going. I'm terrible at lying so even if I said I was going to a club meeting, I would fall flat on my face if they asked how it went. Quote:Hey Bob...How old are you. I've forgotten.Have you come out to friends and family or are you still keeping it to yourself and close friends?This makes a difference... really19. I'm a freshman in college. What is the difference? Should I wait until I'm older? I don't want to be the 30-year-old guy who has no idea how to date.I am still keeping it to myself and close friends (2) and none of them are here. Quote:If you've only known each other since the start of the school year, don't go out of your may to make 'em think your straight because that's gonna come off as a lie. Just kinda brush off the "straight guy talk" because above all you don't want them to think your a liar. Especially if they don't have a lot of history with you.I haven't done anything to make them think I was heterosexual. Whenever the topic of girls comes up or "guy talk" comes up, I don't say anything. They have no reason to believe that I am not gay. However, they don't think I'm gay at all. At least, not that I'm aware of.I guess a huge problem I have is that I'm extremely shy. I've been a lot better since I've gotten here but I have really bad acne and that just makes me not want to talk to people. I take antibiotics for it (my doctor won't give me accutane) and I use Proactiv. On top of that, I have a really bad scarring problem which causes me to be even shyer.
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Quote:when someone leaves everyone asks them where they are goingThat's a rather suffocating group! I have read of some ethnic group where this is a standard question, but the answer "I am going for a walk" has developed as an acceptable standard answer that isn't an answer.
