In summary, my parents moved away before I found somewhere to live and took my dog with them so I'm living with my fiancé and in-laws-to-be and the rest of his family. My relationship with my folks have never been worse. I sit in bed all day working on my websites because there's nowhere else to go since there are 7 people in a 4 bedroom house. All my friends just went off to uni so I literally have no friends. I can't find a job even though my qualifications aren't awful and still I'm being rejected from the dregs. Job seekers won't pay me and I can't afford to keep my car running which makes my chances of getting a job even slimmer. I can't get onto the uni course I want (vet surgery), I've approached it from every angle and was even willing to do vet nursing instead but couldn't even get a place doing that. My health is awful. And I want to self harm and smoke so badly but I can't because my partner would be upset if I did either. So basically everything's hopeless.The past couple of months, I've cried every day, sometimes more than once. I just can't seem to control it. I'd call myself bipolar but I'm missing the happy. Thing are so bad at the moment that the smallest thing sets me off. A lot of the time I'll look at a picture of my dog and cry for hours. My OCD has got bad again so my legs are covered in little scabs where I tried to remove an ingrown hair, no matter how deep I have to dig.A new streak of OCD has started bothering me too. My fiancé's family have no grasp of clenliness. His brother leaves shit in the toilet, everything is dirty and covered in flies and grease, the bath has dead skin and hair everywhere so I haven't had a bath where I've felt cleaner than when I went in for about 2 months. I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE!!! I've thought about ending it all but I love my man too much too leave him. He's the only thing I have at the moment and he makes life worth living. And I guess it's kind of comforting that if he were to leave me, which is the only thing left to go wrong, then I'd have nothing holding me back from that sweet release. So I'm sort of in the worse place I could be right now. sighI'm not really sure what the point of this post was. I'm just letting off steam in the appropriate place I guess. I did the same on myspace but my aunt copied and pasted the part I wrote about my parents leaving me to my dad and now he's in a piss with me. Won't be doing that again! Anyway, if you listened to my mountain of ramblings, thank you