hey everybody, this is a topic very close to my heart, and i would appreciate as much help and comments as possible!me and my girlfriend have been together a year and a half, and a few times over that period there's been points when she says she doesn't feel as close or as in love.it is usually always her but obviously me knowing affects how i feel about the relationship too.the problem is we live in each others pockets and spend a lot of time together.she's a clever girl and gets a lot of work and also gets very stressed about it all and needs someone there to support her, whether that be doing bit of the work or just being around to help her stay focused. but this means we spend a lot of time around each, but not actually really being together, we're not going out as a couple we're sitting behind desks in different rooms helping each other as and when.when we've had problems before we basically cut this out so that we only spent time together when we had time to make and effort with each other. it means we miss each other more and value the time we have but this time she says its not that she doesn't feel close, just not as in love.the phrase she uses is, 'i feel like i'm just hanging around with my best mate'we need to get the romance back in our relationship but don't have time! and abstaining from spending time to gether just makes us more absent from each others lives.i'm desperatly in love with her and it hurts that shes slowly drifting away, she says she wants to make it work and misses feeling like she did but doesnt know how to get back there.i really need the help of anyone who knows how we can fix us ='[thanksxxx
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Falling out of love
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When she "needs someone there to support her", you're providing the support in the way that is natural in us males, helping her with her work. But while this is helpful, she needs emotional support more. That may mean less work done, but the sky won't fall down if that happens, even if you think it will. Take her out! Do fun things together! Even if it's just watching a movie on TV together, it's helpful. And treat her like a woman, not just a work colleague.
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I know you say you don't have time, but it is useful (imperative in my opinion) to set aside one night a week for you both to have a "date night" where no work is discussed and you go out as a couple. If possible, you should set aside a weekend every month, or every couple of months (whatever your schedule allows) and go somewhere special... somewhere neither of you has been before, it doesn't have to be expensive, it just has to be something fun!Last time I took my gf away for example, we went somewhere that she's been quite a few times, but we'd never been together, so it was the same yet different for her in an enjoyable way, and because we were out of the usual environment, it let us just be together as a couple, not having to worry about things, as at the time I was doing job interviews (it really is good to get a break from them, even if they're a few days apart!) and she was on holiday from uni.Remember to be original in your thinking too, it doesn't have to be somewhere that everyone would go to or do, heck, I spent an age looking up this medieval banquet thing which I took my gf to, again because she'd never done it before, it was only for a night, but we both got dressed up and had loads of fun... it's really just about having fun with each other, everything else will follow Good luck
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thanks for your help both of you, that does help.ineligible, that makes a lot of sense what you said! i would say in my defence i do try to provide emotional support but when she's upset and there's so much to do the only thing that helps her mentally is the thought that we're physically getting it done. its getting better and there's less to do. though you've both agreed we need to go out, which i think is the main point, enjoying our time together as a couple.and i would love to do what MDDraco suggested about having a date night together its just convincing her of that! =\i just got back from having a talk with her, and its getting to the point where she's really desperate for something to be done.she said, i just want something done, either we go on a break or get good again but i hate this hanging around.basically with all her work and stuff she wants to feel a decision has been made in one direction of the other so her mind is somewhat at rest.i said i want to have a think and i'm tempted to say, let not see each other this week atall and have a night out this friday.i dont understand the idea of a break because you still have the same feelings for each other you just creat distance between yourselves!or is that just me?thanks for replying guys, but i still dont know want to do!is a break the right idea?!
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In my understanding, the purpose of a break is to see if you can survive happily without the other person. It's to see if you are better off without them or not.Unfortunately I think that it's more of a delaying of the inevitable, though.