Hey there guys, just registered here. Wanted to get some thoughts on this. (Sorry for the long post).Okay so, I'm currently 16, turning 17 in just a couple months. This puts me into Grade 11 currently. To provide some background, about three years ago (last week of Grade 7), my parents had gotten divorced. My dad had been seeing someone else and such, but that's not important at the moment. I split the time between the two approximately 50/50. So, anyway, about half way into grade 8, my dad and his girlfriend were invited to dinner by a couple they had previously worked with. I was also invited to go along.So, this couple has three daughters, two of which I hung out with for the night (the oldest was out at the time). Now, I seemed to really hit it off with the one daughter (the one in the middle, approximately two years older than I, which puts her at 18 present day), for the rest of the story I'll refer to her as "her" or "she" etc.The next time I met them was a few months later, once again for dinner, once again had a great time. Except this time we made sure to exchange e-mails so we could keep in touch. Since I haven't mentioned this yet, they live about an hour away on the highway. Over the next few months and in the summer, I spent a good portion of my time chatting with her on MSN. Late August of that year, her sister had asked if I was interested in her (the girl, not the sister), upon replying yes, I was up all night with butterflies unable to sleep.Now, since I could possibly be classified as a hopeless romantic, I wanted to wait until I saw them "face to face" before asking anything. This however, highly disadvantaged me, as eventually (by October), felt I wasn't interested and started dating another boy who a. lived much closer and b. had asked her many a time. Just as a note, this boy was her older sister's friend (older sister was not very appreciative of this). So during this relationship of hers, she would apparently talk about me quite often, which made him jealous. No matter. This boy, has apparently gotten around in his time. So she, being quite naive to such things, had a few first experiences with him (which I find out later).Anyway, fast-forward to May 2007. They day after her birthday (She's now 17, I'm now 15) I ask her out to the movies the following Saturday. This went great (as great as any super-nervous teen first date is). We see each other again, next time being at her school play. On the fourth date (we're more than a month in now), I finally get the courage to kiss her (I even asked first). This wasn't the romantic sweep her off her feet deal I had been hoping for, but oh well, it worked. It wasn't until several months later (November), that we got to any sort of fooling around (by that I mean handjob [didn't really get anywhere, but it's the thought that counts] [I think it was the nerves]). As a note, somewhere in between here is when she told me about "doing stuff" with her ex (who was her first boyfriend by the way, she being my first [close enough anyway, there was this stupid thing for about a week at the end of grade 8]). At the time (for the night) this was quite a blow, just because it kinda changed what I knew of her, but it was all good.By January, she had to cancel plans for my birthday, busy studying for exams. It hurt at the time, but I quickly got over it (used to having plans canceled). A couple weeks later she was able to come over. The day after we kinda broke things off, for a couple of days (decided it was a mistake) (I must admit I was crying on the phone when the words were said). The next time we saw each other (sleepover) was the first (and only) time... "she let me in her pants". So we were together for another while, until a couple months later (April) she broke things off again.Two notes: Before my birthday she had told me that she wasn't sure she was feeling quite the same way about me anymore. Second: Between getting back together and breaking up again, she had also that she wanted to go to her prom alone because she just wanted to have a good time with her friends (stung, but I understood for the most part).OKAY, so now that we have that backstory (very sorry about the length):As we progressed further into some of these sexual acts (not that we got much further). I guess we kind of ran into a problem (HERE'S WHAT THE POST IS ABOUT). It would seem, that in the spur of the moment, I can get a little forward, curiosity getting the better of me. By this I mean, she would have to say no a number of times if she didn't want to do something (SEE: "let me in her pants"). Now, I could swear this isn't who I am, and not what I want. I had told her that before a number of times, but my (repeated) actions kind of contradicted the statement. I don't know why, but it just happens and makes me feel horrible. I practically broke down when she came over for my birthday.So, more story:We saw eachother a couple times after breaking up, her birthday being right around the corner, I went to see her school's play and a concert ordeal that she was in. She also came to see the play at my school, which I happened to be in. After my play, we may have gotten a little close while waiting for her mom to pick her up. Next time after that, her parents and my dad and girlfriend got together so she came over to visit as well. Upon saying goodbye she kissed me (which she soon pulled away from, covering her mouth, saying I'm sorry). Next time seeing eachother was at her grandfather's funeral.So, now she's in university, and I'm still stuck in Grade 11. I've gone to see her twice, the second time I slept over (her dormmate was home for the weekend) (and yes I know, stupid idea). So anyway, late that night, we once again end up kissing, except this time it continues. It doesn't go anywhere other than kissing, which we were both perfectly fine with (though we both knew we "shouldn't be doing this" as well). So we ended up sharing a pillow that night (which was quite nice, I like the girl you know).However the following morning, the problem kind of came about again. We were both dressed, had some breakfast, nothing to do. So, once again, some playfulness ensues. Except I ask (preliminary actions as well) if I could... "attempt to pleasure her" (not in those words. Once again, she had to say no quite a few times. Once again, I feel horrible.So now, about a month later (last night), talking to her (she's busy so we don't get to often), it kind of comes up that she doesn't think about me in that way anymore. She says she's decided that she "just can't like me". Her main reasoning behind this is because I do pressure her.So during this conversation I just about have a panic attack (heart racing, slight difficulty breathing), at the idea that I've seriously hurt her and that I've lost her for good.So in conclusion:Although I think it's "understandable" wanting to explore, it obviously needs to stop. Other than just "learning that no means no" how can I stop being such an idiot. And secondly, how could I possibly make it up to her, and make good on my word that I don't care about the physical stuff?
I've screwed up
Quote:Although I think it's "understandable" wanting to explore, it obviously needs to stop. Other than just "learning that no means no" how can I stop being such an idiot. It is, as you say, understandable, to want to ''explore'' given that the other party has the same desire. I think that what you need to learn is self-control in terms of ''exploring''. Quote:And secondly, how could I possibly make it up to her, and make good on my word that I don't care about the physical stuff?I don't think making it up to her will be so simple, considering the forward behaviour you described has been pretty consistent. What you may consider doing (this goes back to the self-control idea mentioned earlier) is to meet with her again, but don't try anything, don't even try to kiss her. Wait till she initiates it, but even then, don't go any further. Wait until she is ready to do things. I hope this was slightly helpful.''I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.'' ~Aristotle
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Pretty much what I was thinking. Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it.
Just a theory here, but your situation follows one similar to a guy I knew in school.Thing is, to me it sounds like she's just generally not interested in you in that way. She might like you as a friend, and kissing is a sorta fuzzy area for teens in that regard.To me, it sounds like she might like the idea of playing around, just not with you.Thing is, you need to be turned on do get into that sorta stuff, and if she's not then it's gonna be uncomfortable for her.By saying that you pressuring her has put her off, it gives her a way to explain it to you without hurting your feelings so much.Essentially what I'm trying to say, and you're not gonna like it, is that I don't think she thinks of you in that way and that no amount of sweetness from you will change that.Sorry
What Sad said.After reading that my first thought was that she wants you as a cuddle bitch and she has no interest in anything further. Hell, at the time she may not even been aware that all she wanted you for was cuddle bitch. After she figured that out for herself it's time to cut you lose, cause it's not right to lead somebody on like that.I may be entirely wrong but that was my first impression.
There is no punishment. There is no reward. There are only consequences.