I'm just going to apologize about the length of this in advance. If you read it all, many thanks to you. I've made one other topic about this friend before. She's my best friend, and I have really strong feelings towards her, but I decided that I wasn't going t tell her, because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. On to where she is really beginning to confuse me. Lately, we haven't been hanging out as much. She's really busy with school, and college applications, so she hasn't had much time, which is understandable. At about 10:20 last night, she calls me, and is almost in tears. Her parents have been very critical of her lately. They've been reading over her essays and whatnot she's writing to colleges, and just telling her how they're horrible, and she's not going to get in (which is stupid, she's one of the smartest people I know). She was really upset, so at about 11 I decided I'd walk over and try to comfort her. She lives about a 40 minute walk from my house, so I ran and got there more quickly. When I got there, I gave her a hug and we talked for a bit. She had to write an essay, so I sat there and just hung out while she wrote it. She was home alone, as her parents and brother had left town for the weekend. She finished her essay at about 1:30 in the morning, and I told her that I was going to go home, and I hoped that she'd feel better. If she needed to talk more, she could call me. When I got up to leave, she pulled me back onto her couch and said that she wasn't going to let me walk home this late, because she didn't want me to get hurt. This is understandable, but I've left her house this late before, so I didn't think it was a big deal. She told me that I could just sleep on her couch. She went upstairs, and I assumed she had gone to bed. So I spread out on her couch ready to go to sleep, and perhaps catch an early bus home in the morning so that my mom wouldn't destroy me. The next thing I knew, she had come back downstairs, with her alarm clock (she had to get up early the next morning for some volunteer work). She crawled up next to me on the couch, leaned up against me, and held my hand. At this point, I was thinking "What the hell?" to myself. She's told me plenty of times that we're just friends when I make sexual jokes. So, last night, I slept over at her house, basically just cuddling with her on the couch all night. Should I have done this? Was she just doing this because she needed comforting? Or was it something more. She told me she loved me multiple times in the middle of the night, and we were really close together. She woke up in the middle of the night, and asked me if I was ok. I said that I was, and asked why. She said "You're holding me like you never want to let go." And I responded with "Is that a problem?" She said no, hugged me, and went back to sleep. I don't know if I should have spent the night there. I don't know what kind of messages she's sending me, and it's frustrating. I loved holding her, but I feel bad because she's my best friend, and I don't think that I should be feeling this way. This was the first time we've been that close, so I just find it all confusing. Do you think that she just wanted comforting? Or is she giving me signs of something more? -Flea.
Why is she acting like this?
I think at this point it was probably a comfort thing. I expect that if it was something more there would have been something more - a kiss, or something else.
I guess she feels safe with you and comfortable. You should not feel guilty for staying, but I would suggest you don't make any moves on her - at least until you get a sign that she may want to take things to the next level.
So... another big thing just happened. It was pretty... crazy to say the least. I went to her place to talk about Friday night. We talked, and I asked her what it meant to her. She said that it was just comforting, but now that she looked back on it, it seemed kind of inappropriate because we're just friends. I agreed with her. Somehow, the conversation went to her feelings, and she said that she was unsure of how she felt about me. She said that she wanted to kiss me that night, but held back because she was trying to be responsible. I ended up telling her how I felt, and she told me that she was confused about how she felt about me, and that she didn't think that dating would be a good thing because our friendship was so strong, and she always screws up her relationships. We continued talking for a while, and then she picked my phone up off the table. I quickly snatched it away, just because I didn't want her looking through my texts, nothing more. There were some things I was talking about with a friend that I was supposed to keep private. She ended up trying to get my phone away from me, and jumping on top of me. I was holding her arms so that she couldn't grab my phone, and then suddenly she kissed me. She went on to apologize and say that she should not have done that. We ended up kissing again, and it just continued from there. I broke free, and told her I didn't think we should do this if she didn't know how she felt. She agreed. I went to the door to leave so that she could get some homework done. When I got my jacket and stuff on, I told her not to feel bad. She said that she felt bad about it, and I said that I was a jerk and I was sorry. She then pulled me into a hug and said "you're not a jerk, I'm just going to have to kiss it better." She kissed me again, which shocked me because it seemed that it was over and that she didn't want it happening again. She pulled away, and didn't know what to say. She didn't know why she did that. She told me that she didn't regret what happened, but that we were going to have to deal with it. She told me that she loved me and then I left. What the fuck?
Out of interest, has she just come out of a relationship?
Sounds to me like she actually does want you, but is afraid of what it might mean.
Up until a couple of months ago I was in a similar situation to you. I fell in love with a close friend of 2 years - but for us (well, for me at least) there was no doubt in my mind that it was the right thing to do. And now I am in love with the greatest person I have ever met and I couldn't be happier.
My advice to you would be to firstly, think to yourself if you would like to move forward in your relationship with her. Don't factor in the friendship when considering. Just think to yourself if you would like to be with her. If that's a yes, then all you need to do is make her feel comfortable.
Next time you see her, don't force yourself upon her or try and initiate anything, but let her know that if anything does happen, you're ok with it and would like to explore that avenue.
Hopefully if she sees that you're comfortable with it, then she will feel more comfortable with it too. She certainly sounds like she would like to give it a go.
Best of luck to you, there could be fantastic things on the horizon! :smile:
No, we've both been single for probably at least a year each.
I know that I'dlike to be with her. I just don't know how she feels. She said that we shouldn't date because we're really good friends, etc, and then she kissed me. I don't understand that.
I think I just need to give her some space at this moment. She said she needed to think about it, and that she couldn't see me next week. Then she's not in the country for a week. So basically I won't be seeing her for 2-3 weeks. She said she has figured some stuff out since I left this morning, and wants to talk about it, just with everything else in a few weeks when she gets her head straightened.
I really hope you're right sadbuttrue. If I were with her, I'd be ecstatic right now. Thanks for your input. I just felt better when I could actually talk about it.
I really agree with sadbuttrue. This sounds like it could be an opportunity for something very special. It sure sounds to me like she's interested in more than friendship, and you obviously are thinking the same way. I say go for it. It could be wonderful and well worth the risk.
I hope so. But she needs to figure out how she feels. So I'm giving her space right now, and time to think about it. I don't want to pressure her into anything. I want it to be her choosing to be with me. At this point, I'm just hoping for the best. But it's really up to her at this point. She knows how I feel, I just need to know how she feels.