Unemotional?

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About the last 6 months I haven’t really been able to express how I feel emotionally. I think a lot of things; actually I think I think too much. My brain never stops it’s constantly thinking about something regardless what I am doing. It’s to the point where I cannot even concentrate of anything like reading because my brain is off thinking about something else so I end up having to read something 3-4 times before I can finally understand it. Though in my head I might be happy and excited, I just cannot seem to be able to express it.For example this morning, my sister called to tell me she was pregnant. Her and her partner have been trying to get pregnant for a couple years now with no success. They decided to try again last month and it finally took!! I’m VERY happy for her! I’m excited to be an Uncle again. I can understand her struggle because it’s not easy for gay people to get pregnant; we have more obstacles obviously. But instead of being all exciting and congratulating her all I could muster to say was “That’s great, I’m happy for you” in a relatively calm voice. I think she was expecting me to be a lot more excited.I’m afraid I’m becoming and cold and callus person and I’m not sure how I got to this point. I have moments were I’m extremely happy and my mood shows it, but 90% of the time I’m just… here. Here stuck in all these thoughts that won’t stop pounding at my brain 24/7. I find it a real struggle to show emotion, and not sure if it’s because all these thoughts won’t let me or if I’m just becoming “unemotional”.Any thoughts or suggestions??

I doubt it has anything to do with you becoming cold and callus. It probably has a lot to do with stress your experiencing and the distraction of the mind with that stress. Stress is tiering and zaps our will to concentrate, to be overly joyous or sad or whatever. It often makes for state of a seemingly "so what" attitude. That may not be how we feel but it's how we act.You've got a lot of shit on your plate. You want a kid but there seems to be innumerable road blocks to that. Your not satisfied with your job and would like to return to school but really don't, or didn't, know for what. The economy is tanking and putting road blocks to pursuing something else, career wise, and it's just another stress of feeling stuck. That's how I feel anyway. I wanted to go back to school and had a plan for getting out of this industry but as shit is I don't think that's going to be an option. I'm not telling you all this to make you feel like shit, I'm just pointing out that even though you may think you don't have that much stress in your life there's some big shit that's probably bothering you and it's probably impairing your ability to express your feelings.It's like when your tired, you just don't have it in you to get excited about shit for other people. It's not that your not happy for 'em it's just that you don't have it in you to jump up and down for 'em.I doubt this helps much and I'm sure I haven't said anything you don't already know, but there it is for what little it's worth. If you ever need to talk you know where to find me.

Thanks Scotty There is a lot going on as you said and I'm pretty much stressed to the max. I know what I want to go to school for, I want to finish my dental hygiene degree, but with the economy going to the shits I cannot finish the degree because the last year I have to do clinicals from 8:30am-5:00pm and I’ll have to have time to study so working isn’t much of an option. Only hope I have is when Adam finishing in the next year with his BA that he’ll get the raise he’ll deserve and he’ll be able to support the household as I go back to school. Plus again with the way the economy is I don’t care quit my job because the chance of finding another that pays we well as this one is pretty much slim to known especially here in Ohio.Than there is wanting to be a daddy that has me just frustrated and actually almost angry. I actually found a really nice lady in Cleveland who would carry the child, but she won’t do it using her own eggs so I’d have to have an egg donor. My friend said she would donate the eggs… well than I find out how much egg harvesting is and I about passed out. So again it’s another roadblock. I started looking more into adoption and I just have reservations because 1) the biological parent can come back and regain custody, 2) it can take years to even get placed with a child (mainly because of paperwork). I started looking even at over seas adoption, and strangely enough it’s easier and even cheaper to adopt from Bulgaria than here in the States; that’s even AFTER the plane ticket to Bulgaria! I just don’t know what to do anymore…Than there is Adam. He means well and always has good intentions but they boy is just stressing me out lately. He started replacing the roof after the remnants of Ike come through Ohio and damage our roof. It took awhile for the insurance to go through, than we had to send the check to the lending company to have them sign the check for approval etc. Well he finally started the roof than winter decided it wanted to hit early, and now my roof is half finished with half the roof exposed. Than he still has the damned flip house that’s not finished yet, not even close. I still feel like his damn maid cleaning up after him, which I try to be understanding about because I know he works full time and goes to school etc. But damn! The boy acts like a teenage when it comes to keeping things clean! I love the boy, but I swear there are days I could choke him! And I feel horrible when I get short with him.Than there is me stressing over myself, worried there is something wrong with me because I just cannot concentrate. Lately I have just felt like a complete dummy because I have to re-read things or have people repeat tasks for me where before I could speed read things and only have to be told once how to do something. I joke around saying I must have Adult ADD, but now wondering what if I do? And this might seem petty but I’m finally back to the gym after all the mess around the house and such and I found out I gained back 10lbs of what I lost over the summer, which shouldn’t have been too much of a surprise because I know I don’t have as “tight” of a body I did when I went to South Beach, so yeah now I am stressing about that as well and disappointed in myself for letting myself go.Ugh sorry didn’t know this was going to be so long, just felt like ranting I guess. There are days I just want to throw my hands up in the air and just say “fuck it” and be done with it all. Other days I just feel like if I just screamed on the top of my lungs I’d feel better, but nothing comes out. Anyways thanks for listening.

That's a shit load of stress your dealing with. Make sure you take some time away from it. Your going to have to. You can't wallow in stress all the time or your gonna end up as mental as me and nobody wants that.Make some time to get away from by doing anything that's a distracction. Set aside the money and take the time to go to movies and go out with friends and flirt with me and whatever you can to take a break from focusing on this shit so much. I know it's not easy to do but work at toning your mind like you work at toning your body. It's imparative to find a way to take a break from the stress. I don't know that I can tell you how to do that but I can tell you not doing it isn't healthy.

Not to change the subject but why is your thang so big? You've got a bunch of extra inches of real estate under your wrapped pork messagey thing.Look at your deal, see what I'm talkin' about.

Originally Posted By: OldFolks why is your thang so big? I get asked that a lot...... Oh! you mean my signature hehe not sure I'll have to look into that And I know you are right about needing to take a break from it all, have fun etc. Just not sure HOW to take a break from it and how to handle it. I try not to stress over the roof because I know Adam will have it finished before the weather gets extremely bad... I try not stress over the flip house.. I keep trying to tell myself the baby situation will work itself out eventually... but I don't seem to be believing myself too well. I'm even mentally aware on why I gained the 10 lbs because when I get stressed I eat, especially comfort foods like Pizza and Ice Cream. Even when I was ordering these foods I told myself not to do it but the stress over powered my willpower.Maybe by working out at the gym again it'll help me release stress. Something has gotta give eventually...

Your thang is so big because your signature has several blank lines at the end of it.One of the problems of stress is that even when you think you are handling it it's still white-anting you inside until suddenly you collapse - at least that's what I found. It's important not to wait until it gets unbearable before doing something about it, because it does damage long before that.

Originally Posted By: IneligibleOne of the problems of stress is that even when you think you are handling it it's still white-anting you inside until suddenly you collapse - at least that's what I found. You are right about that.  Quote: It's important not to wait until it gets unbearable before doing something about it, because it does damage long before that. Wish someone had told me that yrs back, before I lost everything I had tried so hard to get my life's turned upside down even now.....I m struggling to straighten it out.Stress is like cancer killing you from within if you ask me.

You've got to, got to find a distraction. Something that'll give you a little pleasure in your day and occupy your mind for a while. Write a story about something that interest you maybe a character going through some of the same shit as you, just resolve the dilemma for them. What interest you? Get into it learn more about the subject. Distract yourself.Another thing, set small attainable goals for yourself and meet 'em. For instance, if you want to drop that ten pounds start working on that. Pick something you have some degree of control over and go for it. Say you've been wanting to redo the guest bedroom, start working on it. When you meet that goal you'll feel better about yourself and little of the stress you feel will be, not gone, but less.Another thought, though it never worked for me, start doing little things to work toward your goals. Like with the kid, go start a savings account for the money it's going to take to make that happen. Make the account strictly for a kid. Put some money in it and when you want that pizza or ice cream put that amount in the jar on the kitchen counter marked kid and then at the end of the week take it to the bank and deposit it. The important thing with doing this is to keep showing progress. Don't just wait for your paycheck to put money in the account that's just going to lead to frustration... at least it always did for me. Just be as proactive as possible so that you've got the ball rolling however slowly.I will say, again, that the last method mentioned there never did anything for me. I just found it frustrating and angerfying because I would look at it and instead of seeing myself as being closer to my goal I would look at it and think how meager a dent I had maid toward my goal. It just didn't work for me. All it did for me was piss me off that much more.

Those are some good ideas, and I have been going to the gym everyday after work to hopefully work off those extra pounds. Though it has been rough, I just don't feel like going thought once I am there I'm okay... just getting there is a mental challenge half the time.Now there's the added worry that my sister might be miscarrying. They did a blood test over the weekend and she is indeed pregnant but her hormone level was only 39, when it should have been somewhere around 50. They did another "emergency" blood test on Sunday and her hormone was 36, which is not a good sign, as it should be going up. They did another blood test today, if the hormone level is down yet again than there is a 99% change she's miscarrying. Just seems to add another weight to my chest.Which is another thing that is worrying me, every now and than I get this fluttering feeling in my chest like my heart skipped a beat or something. I’m sure it’s just stress, but still gets worrisome.

Sorry to hear that. Both you and your sister are in my thoughts.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister.About the skipped heartbeat, see these articles on premature ventricular contractions and palpitations. It's probably stress, though it could also be too much caffeine.

Sorry about your sister You are under stress so may feel fluttering, miss a beat or even some chest pain....cos I tend to feel the same when I am very stressed or depressed.Try to do some fun-filled activities to lower your stress levels.

Thanks for the articles I'll read them over. :smile:

I pretty much only drink water, maybe once a week when Adam and I go out to eat I'll get iced tea, so I doubt it has anything to do with caffeine.

And I agree with everyone that I need to get out and do some fun activities... but I just seemed to have lost interest in pretty much everything. I'd almost rather sit at home and just veg. I know it's all about just getting up and doing it, just seems hard to pull myself up.

I have thought about maybe seeing a therapist to see if they can help put things back into order, but I half wonder if I'll even open up enough to help myself out..?

Originally Posted By: NtroducingMyselfbut I just seemed to have lost interest in pretty much everything. I'd almost rather sit at home and just veg. I know it's all about just getting up and doing it, just seems hard to pull myself up. You are sounding like the world is coming to an end or something. Come on you can have some fun even when you are sitting. This is gonna sound childish but read a few comics or watch some cartoons to laugh and lighten up a little. Try going to the park and have a refreshing walk early in the morning. Take a nice warm bath with some aromatic oils added to it, its very relaxing. Originally Posted By: NtroducingMyselfI have thought about maybe seeing a therapist to see if they can help put things back into order, but I half wonder if I'll even open up enough to help myself out..? Thats a good idea. Whether you wanna open up or not is up to you but it will still help you.

Quote: every now and than I get this fluttering feeling in my chest Ahem....and you know the best hospital to go to, right? I hope everything is ok with your sister. And I hope you start feeling better. hugs

Eddie I know how hard it can be to make yourself do things when you feel like shit on the inside, believe me I know, but trust me when I say make yourself do it anyway. Exercise is great keep that up and when you don't feel like going do it anyway. I always found exercise to be good for stress. Don't just sit at home keep moving and going. It will get better.If you feel like you need to see a therapist do it. You know yourself and how you feel better than anybody and if you think it would be a help at least give it a try. If your afraid you may clam up and not want to share write things out ahead of time. Get it all down on paper and let the therapist read it. That's what I did and it was good way to get the discussion moving. Besides trying to remember everything you want to say when your there is hard anyway. It's something you might consider.

Thanks Lisa.... you guys have a mental ward right???  Quote: I hope everything is ok with your sister.Sadly my sister found out last night she's having a miscarriage. Her hormone levels were lower. The doc said most likely the fertilized egg never truly became attached.  Quote: You are sounding like the world is coming to an end or something. Come on you can have some fun even when you are sitting. This is gonna sound childish but read a few comics or watch some cartoons to laugh and lighten up a little. Try going to the park and have a refreshing walk early in the morning. Take a nice warm bath with some aromatic oils added to it, its very relaxing.My only problem is that the things that used to be fun and give me enjoyment just don't do it for me anymore. I almost thought about opening a bottle of wine last night while wrapping Christmas gifts and watching TV, but I knew I would drink the whole bottle... and since alcoholism runs in my family, I just felt like drinking while "depressed" was probably not a good idea.And I'm not the dramatic type, I just have never felt so "Out of Whack" before.Unfortunately Adam got the brunt of it last night. I some how lost my ID, and without my ID I couldn't get access to the gym. Well I went home and I was about as pissed as I could get, and he happened to be there at the wrong time and I took it out on him and told him how I was tired off all the havoc around the house and I was going to cancel Christmas, take down the Christmas tree and just give him the bags with his gifts in it and just call it all done. I then got into a hot shower to relax. Thankfully Adam realized how stressed I am, and he cleaned up the house some while I was in the shower, and ordered us food. Even when I was lying on the couch he covered me up with a blanket because he knows I hate being cold lol. Thankfully he doesn't over react and just leave...I just feel exhausted; all I want to do is sleep. Not sure how I am making it to work on time anymore (I hit the snooze button at least 4-5 times before dragging myself out of bed), but I am.. Thank God! As much as I hate my job, I cannot afford to lose it!

Originally Posted By: NtroducingMyself

My only problem is that the things that used to be fun and give me enjoyment just don't do it for me anymore. I almost thought about opening a bottle of wine last night while wrapping Christmas gifts and watching TV, but I knew I would drink the whole bottle...
It sounds like it's time to seek some outside help. I would encourage you to see some kind of analyst. You made the right decision, don't drink like that it'll only make things worse.

Adam's a great guy for understanding but get help before the stress your experiencing becomes destructive to your relationship. People can only put up with so much and while I don't think your close to driving him away if the stress isn't dealt with it one day could.

Stay strong and remember that while I don't really have anything to offer I'm a good listener and will give you a shoulder for whatever you need it for, to lean on, cry on, whatever.

Sorry about your sisters miscarriage.