Well hi all. I am at a loss as for what to do. I have been very good friends with a girl for about 3 years now. For at least 2 1/2 of those years I have spent madly in love with her. I am almost sure of what my feelings for her are. About a year and a half ago it seemed she was like that for me too, and for weeks all our friends knew I was going to ask. And it was pretty obvious she knew. Eventually after my dithering (first time I'd be doing it so I hadnt gotten the stones together to ask her)- shed been asked by several people how she felt- she said reportedly that she liked me and would be with me to them. But as I say, eventually she took me aside and said she didnt want to, because she didnt want to damage the friendship. Eventually later that night we talked, and I poured out my heart. We both cried about it. After that we sort of had a trembly almost relationship. Nothing physical but almost like some weird betrothal, I dunno how to describe it. Sort of a, when we are a bitolder thing. At the end of it she said she loved me but decided she wasnt in love with me. Well anyway a year or so later here we are. I have felt feelings that had dimmed for her, flare back up. And it would seem PERhaps hers have too. Through subtle hints from several friends and whisperings around us. But I dont know. I fear risking my neck again and having my heart crushed for the second time, thus ruining everything we have. I feel she is so special to me and perhaps staying in the friend zone would be better in the long term. But I burn with love for her. Just wanna know what you guys think. 'Preciate itHadk
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Help, Please (quite long post)
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I don't really know what to say except don't let your friends sway you. Don't let the talks of them sway your decision, because often times it's just rumors, and your friends are wrong. If you want to tell her how you feel, it's up to you and nobody else. What it comes down to is: Do you feel it is worth jeopardizing your friendship to tell her how you feel?
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Hi there, and thank you for the reply . Her friends are my friends etc. We are all just in the same circle. I'm not letting them sway me and they haven't been directly saying things to me about it. But while I talk with her I can see them whispering about us. And I know its about us. IF questioned it'll be "nothing" followed by a red face or something . They aren't swaying me but it just makes me think, especially seeing as her best friend whom she tells everything, has hinted several times that she likes me. It's just the whole 2nd crushing rejection thing I am not sure about. I feel like I should just let it go. I mean 2 years or so is a long time and limerance doesn't appeal.
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Okay, I don't know your circumstances, but from the way you wrote your first post, it seems that your feelings never really dimmed for this lady, so in that context... would it be better to risk it and find out one way or the other for sure, or to never know and always think what if?Secondly, I feel inclined to point out that nomatter best intentions, if something happened (and I don't just mean you two going out with each other) because of your obvious feelings for each other, it would in all likelyhood damage your relationship as friends, I speak from experience on this one... I had a very very good female friend who was fine with me when I was single, and who was like a sister to me, she even tried to kiss me one night, though I turned her down because, as I said; to me she was like a sister... Anyway, when I met my girlfriend, everything changed... gone was the friendly lovely person I once knew, replaced with this cold hearted conceited biatch of a woman! She just treated me like shit, and got quite abusive (to the point where I had to block her on my msn and remove her from my facebook to avoid her tirades, as she never said anything f2f) basically just trying to upset the status quo between my gf and I, it was only then that I realised that she felt more for me than I had realised, if she had told me, been honest from the start maybe we would still be friends.Ascertain from my experience what you will, but I really do believe that if she'd been honest (I guess she was tryin the day she tried to kiss me) then we'd still be friends, because I would have known and treated her more delicately when I met my current gf.In truth though, all I can do is offer you the benefit of my experience, the truth is; the path before you is one only you can choose; there is no right or wrong answer here, your choices are simple, yet in the same sentence some of the most complex you have yet to make... Personally, I'd go for it... after all, if you don't have her in the first place you don't have anything to lose by trying The decision though, is yours!Let us know though eh
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Honestly in this situation if she wants to be with you i think you will know it. Your relationship will go from your everyday friendship to something different, i would think she would do something or act in a certain way to let you know she wants to be with you. Until then id say remain friends and don't count on anything happening. Look for other opportunities with other women and if you and your friend are meant to be then you are meant to be, if not, theres still plenty of fish in the sea :smile:
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Draco thanks for the advice. I guess they have never dimmed truly but there was a point where I was very close to being neutral to her , a point where I didn't even know why I was friends with her anymore . Sounds like being a sore loser and I probably was. And sorry about your situation. It is interesting and sorry it turned out that way for you- thanks for sharing though. MMAfighter thank you also. It was a point I tried to get accross. My new dilemna is not only mutterings but the fact that we HAVE been a lot closer than usual. Holding hands when we talk for ages (something that has NEVER happened between us before- despite being the best of friends for so long we rarely touched ever. Now she frequently holds my hand.) we hang out a lot more, and it just seems a whole lot more flirty, but I dunno whether this is her trying to perhaps egg me on for another go or whether it's something else entirely- obviously given my feelings for her I would like to read a lot more into this but that is what i am afraid of doing.
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Draco thanks for sharing man. It is something interesting and quite saddening to consider. I hope I would not be like that to her should she geta boyfriend or vice versa. Sorry it happened to you, but thank you MMAFighter- I tried to make it clear and obviously failed (my fault not yours :D) that the relationship has become a lot closer recently. Whereas before, even being inseperable friends, we have scarcely used to make any sort of meaningful contact and now, we hold each other's hands for prolonged periods- don't get me wrong I will hold her hand and she will reciprocate, but I am not always the one making the first move in this way. Not only this we just seem to be together a lot more, to talk a lot more, to be a lot more flirty. Obviously given my feelings I would love nothing more than to read into this that she feels for me in that way, but this is what i am afraid of doing. If the first time I was plank enough to not sooner realise that she didnt want to, then i fear reading into this, making a move and blowing everything into bits.Edit: Ah crap double post. Both say the same thing basically- I thought the first ahd failed when my internet connection did. Sorry!
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Hey, no worries it's what we're here for... to help each other out If people can learn from the mistakes of others rather than their own, it makes for a much smoother ride... and I'm all for the motorway (highway for americans) myself... if I knew how to deal with every situation in the world without causing issues, believe me; I'd be out there doing it, but I don't... so instead, I content myself in the knowledge that my mistakes might be able to help others avoid the same pitfalls I've driven so blindly into!! lolMy life over the years has sometimes felt like a slow motion pile up on the hollywood highway of doom!!! But, we all get there eventually so, as the song so aptly states:"don't worry, be happy" heh heh