So, my girlfriend of a few months sometimes just...doesn't know what she's saying. I don't really know how to put it. I'll start off with the fact that I've known her for 6 years, and that I love her very much. I'll give you just a background on a few things with her.Her mood can change very fast. Someone will say something to her, and she can be absolutely fuming for a few hours. In those times, she isolates herself, and I just can't talk to her. She goes to a very hectic school. She is in the accelerated type program for all of her classes, and just has a lot of stress placed on her from school. It doesn't help that this is her grade 12 year, so she also has universities to worry about. I can't relate. My school is more relaxed, I'm in the regular program, and I'm taking a year off so I don't have to worry about university applications and so on. She wants to go to university out of our city, perhaps even out of the country. Her parents don't understand her. They don't trust her even though she stays in and studies and does all this work around the house for them. They were going out tonight and I was going to come over, just to hang out. I don't mind that her father didn't trust me, but the fact that he didn't even trust her hurt her. She's so responsible, and she does all this work for them, cooking, cleaning etc. She was venting to me about it tonight saying how that she couldn't wait to get out of here and be on her own. Then she hurt me.When she's angry, she doesn't think before she speaks sometimes. She said that when she moved out she could do what she wants, sleep when she wants, sleep with whoever she wants. When she said that, I was very hurt. We both love each other, we're talking about taking our relationship to that level physically, and so on. Saying something like that just hurt me. I don't know if she's thinking about other guys at all, or if she's just saying it out of anger. I assumed the latter, but I'm still torn up about it. She called and apologized a little bit later, but I'm just too angry to really say anything of substance. I told her how much it hurt me when she said that. I hate making her feel badly, but I just had to tell her. I feel like I'm not helping the situation, it's been a few hours, and I really can't drop it. I can't stop thinking about what she said, I'm in disbelief that she said it. When she was going to go, she told me she loved me... I couldn't even say it back. Is it alright for me to be this upset? I know that she didn't mean what she said, and she was just very upset and said the first thing to come to mind. But do you think that I have the right to be upset as I am? She canceled our plans so that she could study and just try to calm down. I haven't really seen her since exams started over a week ago. I'm just so upset that she could say that to me... I want to forgive her, but I just think it's going to take some time to get over... I just wish she'd sometimes watch what she'd say to me. I'm sorry I've been ranting for so long... I'm just upset and I'm trying to feel better and organize my thoughts. Anyone with advice, please speak up. I'm just so hurt right now, I'm not thinking logically.
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Problems with venting?
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Hmmmm... I don't know if she meant it the way you took it."...sleep with whoever she wants..."I think she might just have been referring to the fact that her father doesn't trust her and is quite controlling. Not that she wants to sleep around, but that if she choose to sleep with you, its her choice. And he can't stop her. So... she can sleep with who she wants. You didn't say what she has said to you by way of explanation... But...Try to look at it from that way - that's how I read it!
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The only comment I could possibly make is that maybe you misunderstood the context of what she said.So when she said "sleep with whoever I want", she didn't mean that she wants to bone a load of guys, but rather she is saying that in response to the limitations her parents put on her to not be able to do that at present.Picture this scenario:Her dad: "You can't have any guys over."Her: "Why not?"Her dad: "Because you'll sleep with them"Her: "That's not fair. I can sleep with whoever I want!"Her dad: "Not under my roof"etc...That's the best I can come up with.
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lol... you copied me! in a re-wording kinda way... but still! Flea - that's two people that think you may have taken it in the wrong way...
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Originally Posted By: Amzlol... you copied me! in a re-wording kinda way... but still! WEMW - I was writing mine as you posted yours :P
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Why not tell her to just start improving her emotions. I don't advocate us all turning into gray emotionless blobs, however I refrain from getting angry at anyone. I dont ever yell, I dont see where it proves any point.Tell her to calm down and think things through, what she is giving you is emotional abuse, and intended or not, a relationship doesn't need that.If she cares for the relationship, this shouldn't be hard for her. If she doesn't improve, then perhaps she doesn't care as much for the relationship as you felt she did, or, there is the possibility of bipolar tendencies, considering you did say it was sudden and extreme changes in her personality. In which case it would be tests, medication, and a very long row to hoe.Good luck to you.
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I left out some bits which led me to think otherwise, I don't really feel like sharing them though... they were just hurtful.
We talked last night, and she apologized, and said that she didn't mean it and was just upset. We talked and she said she couldn't imagine being with anyone else and so on. I'm just going to put it behind me, I forgave her, and she said she's going to try to watch what she says to me even when she's upset. Hopefully nothing like that is said again... it really was our first argument, or time one of us has made the other one severely upset. I think it's a good sign that at least we can both communicate with each other on such a level.